Sixteen

A KISS TO LAST A LIFETIME

“The Slayer lives here?” Forrest said. “Seriously?”

He was standing with Riley, Sam and Graham on Buffy’s porch, looking down at General Paddington, the Teddy bear Buffy kept out there sitting at the wicker table.

“I don’t think he likes you, dude,” Graham said. “He’s eyeballin’ you.”

“Shit, I could kick his ass,” Forrest said. “Bear thinks he’s all that.”

“He’s a general,” Sam said, and turned to watch the street again with Graham, her taser-rifle drawn. “He’ll so have you confined to barracks if you try to kick his ass.”

“I got ten bucks on the bear,” Riley said, and rang the doorbell. They listened, as the soft chime echoed through the dark house.

“So we’re just ringin’ the bell?” Forrest said. “We’re just walkin’ right up and ringin’ the bell?”

“No, we’re gonna bust into the Slayer’s house with our weapons drawn so we can all get our asses kicked,” Riley said.

“No way she could kick all our asses,” Forrest said. “Yeah, maybe if she gets the drop on a couple of us she could do some damage, but...”

Riley chuckled. “Oh, to be so young and naive. No answer.” He stood at the door, scratching his chin.

“What we waiting for?” Forrest said.

“Rude to just break in,” Riley said.

“Not too smart to just stand out here on the street either,” Graham said. “Whole town’s flooded with hostiles, Cap. Better to be inside a residence so they can’t get at us while we wait.”

“Yeah,” Riley said. He pulled a key from his pocket, and opened the door with it.

“What the hell was that?” Forrest said.

“Skeleton key,” Riley said, as he walked into the house. “Opens every door in town. Actually, in the whole country I guess. Okay, we’re ninety-nine percent sure there’s no one here but I want a quick search anyway. By the numbers, Graham, Sam, you take the--”

“Whoa!” Forrest shouted, raising his taser-rifle, as he was suddenly confronted by the black crow’s head mask hanging on the wall in the little foyer.

“The hell is that thing?” Graham said.

“Okay, you know how we’re like, a military unit?” Riley said, and lowered Forrest’s taser-rifle. “Everyone get your shit together, please? Now.”

“Sorry, Cap,” Forrest said. We just don’t got nothin’ like...whatever that thing is back home.”

“It’s an African mask,” Sam said. “It’s art. Actually it’s pretty cool. Um, probably less scary in the daytime though.”

“Sam, you and Graham search upstairs,” Riley said. “Don’t turn the whole place inside-out, don’t make a mess. Remember this is someone’s house. Just a quick recon, I want to be sure no one’s here. Mister Scared of Art will search down here with me. Move.”

“Okay, that’s a lot of stuffed animals,” Graham said, as he stood in Buffy’s room with Sam.

“The Slayer’s a chick, remember?” Sam said.

“Still a lot of stuffed animals. We sure she doesn’t have like a little sister or something?”

“According to the file its just Buffy and her mom, her parents divorced,” Sam said, and looked in the closet. Graham looked under the bed. “It’s not that many stuffed animals. It’s only four. I always had like a dozen in my room.”

“I had GI Joes,” Graham said, and got up from the floor, and sat on the bed. “I was big into GI Joes, I liked the cartoon. I notice the pact is still working. We’re all still sticking to it.”

“You mean the ‘We-don’t talk-about-our-families’ pact?”

“Yeah.”

“You wanna maybe break the pact?”

“I’m just...worried. My mom, my dad, my brother...they’re out there in this. I don’t know if...they’re even...”

Sam sat next to him, and took his hand. “Graham, you think I’m not spazzing out too? My mother’s out there in this, I have no idea if she’s alive or dead. Yeah, sure, Kansas has never been a big hostile zone, but still. But the thing is? If we let ourselves travel down this road? If we let ourselves start thinking about it, talking about it? It makes things worse. Because there’s nothing we can do about it. None of us can go home now, even if we wanted to go AWOL, all the flights are grounded. None of us can go to our families. But we can still help our families. We can help them by doing our jobs, by trying our best to fight this... this...disaster. Right now? We’re exactly where we should be. Doing what we can to help. We hook up with the Slayer, maybe she gives us something we can use.”

“Yeah,” Graham said, and looked down at the floor.

Sam smiled, and kissed his cheek. “They’re not your only family, you know. We’re your family too.”

Graham smiled. “Yeah.”

Sam stood up. “So come on, little brother. Let’s go do our jobs.”

“Hey,” Graham said, chuckling as he stood up. “Who said I’m the little brother? You’re totally the little sister.”

“Except little sisters aren’t supposed to be able to kick their big brothers’ asses.”

“That was just that one time. You got lucky.”

“Sure,” Sam said, and chuckled, and walked out of the room.

“Spooky,” Forrest said, as he stood in Buffy’s dark cellar, looking around.

“It’s not spooky,” Riley said, as he shined his flashlight around. “Why do you think everything’s spooky? It’s a cellar. See? There’s cheerleading outfits over there.” He walked over to them, gathering dust in a shadowy corner.

Forrest made a circuit of the room, his taser-rifle leveled. The cellar was large, but it was neat. The floor was swept. Boxes were piled in the corners. Forrest kept a wary eye on the corners anyway. For some reason, there was a cot in the middle of the room, with sheets on it, and a pillow. “Okay, spooky and kinda hot,” he said. “But it’s still a cellar. All cellars are spooky man, haven’t you seen any movies? Bad guy always jumps at you in the cellar. And who the hell she got sleepin’ on this cot down here? Dracula?”

Riley laughed. “Yeah, a Slayer hanging with a vampire,” he said. “Sure, that could happen. And then maybe I’ll invite some terrorists down to my farm for a cookout next Memorial Day.”

“Maybe she’s got Uncle Fester down here,” Forrest said. “Freakshow Slayer girl, got people sleepin’ in her damn spooky cellar.”

“Cellars aren’t spooky,” Riley said, looking down at Buffy’s cheerleader outfit. He touched the pom-poms, and smiled. His little sister had pom-poms just like them. She was a cheerleader...or she had been, before today. Riley had no idea if she was even alive now. He put the thought out of his mind. “Cellars are where you keep the sled and your old fishing rod. Cellar’s where you keep your first baseball glove, and your old Halloween costumes. Cellars are nice.”

“Damn Cap, every time I think you’re a bad ass you go all Mister Rogers on my ass. You’re like that guy, the guy who did those paintings? With like kids with crewcuts goin’ fishin’ and people goin’ like to church and stuff? You totally belong in one of those paintings.”

“Norman Rockwell,” Riley said, and smiled again. “Man was a genius. Okay, no monsters in the cellar. Let’s head back upstairs, make sure Abbot and Costello didn’t meet Frankenstein up there.”

“Sam gonna love it, I tell her you called her Abbot and Costello,” Forrest said, chuckling, as he followed Riley upstairs. The stairs creaked. He thought the creak was spooky.

“Graham’s gonna love it when I tell him you were afraid of the cellar,” Riley said. They came out of the cellar and met Sam and Graham in the living room.

“Nothing, Cap,” Graham said.

“Okay, the house is empty,” Riley said. “So we’ll wait for her.”

“How long do we wait?” Graham said. “She doesn’t show, that kinda screws our plan.”

“We’ll give it a day,” Riley said. “Then we’ll try her Watcher’s house, it’s not far from here.”

“What’s a Watcher?” Forrest said.

“Every Slayer gets one, sort of the guy giving her orders, sending her out on her missions,” Riley said. “There’s something called the Watchers Council, it’s in England. These guys have been running Slayers for thousands of years according to the files I read. And the Watchers keep records, diaries. Watchers in the field upload their diaries to the Council database. If we can’t track down Buffy we’ll go to her Watcher’s house and Sam can hack in. The Watchers have seen this kind of crazy shit before. They must have some idea what to do...they must have some kind of plan.”

“So you’re telling me we have no plan?” Wesley Windham-Pryce said, as he sat at the long mahogany table in the conference room adjoining Quentin Travers’ office, fidgeting with his tie. The room was perfect: spacious, neat, tastefully decorated, with floor-to-ceiling windows that gave a spectacular view of the Thames. The black table, bare but for a tea service and two cups, was polished to a high sheen. The rug was an 800-year old Indian antique. The Greek vase was real, the painting on the wall was an original Cézanne. Everything was just right in that room; everything there gave one the unshakable impression of quiet authority, judiciously applied. Quentin gave that impression too. He sat there in his hand-made three-piece tweed suit, somehow managing to look down at Wesley even though they were of equal height, as if he was sitting on a throne. The few times Wesley had seen Quentin Travers, the man always reminded him of Moses coming down from the mountain. The Charlton Heston Moses. The scary Moses.

Wesley checked his reflection again in the gloss of the table, and fidgeted with his tie some more. He didn’t look nervous at all, he thought.

Wesley cut quite a dashing figure, or so he thought at least, but he had never been in Quentin’s conference room before--he had simply never been important enough--and being there now made him nervous, whether or not he looked it. He thought he did a good job hiding it, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that Quentin’s icy blue eyes saw right through his charade.

Wesley had never been in Quentin’s conference room before and he had only ever been in Quentin’s office once, and that was when Quentin had curtly informed him that his instructor had washed him out of Watcher training. Wesley’s father--a terrible, intimidating old man, nearly, but not quite, as terrible and intimidating as Quentin, Wesley thought--had a long and distinguished career as a Watcher, and he had called in a few favors and managed to get Wesley reinstated. But Wesley had always felt uncomfortable after that; as if he didn’t really belong. Like he never really would...

Wesley redoubled his efforts after that, and whenever he felt like he was in over his head, or he wasn’t sure how to proceed--something that happened to him a lot--he did what he always did: he pretended to be on top of things. It was what he was doing now. “Well that’s simply unacceptable,” Wesley continued. “We’re the Watchers Council, we have wizards, we have magical artifacts, we have the accumulated knowledge of millennia at our disposal. Surely we were prepared for something like this?”

Wesley’s instructor had seen through him when he tried to do that--when he tried to pretend to be on top of things by making speeches designed to put others back on their heels, and in fact she had often harangued him for not having the simple sense to ask questions when he was confused about something. But his father had never needed to ask questions. His father had been an exemplary, even legendary, Watcher. His father had saved the world along with his Slayer, a Ukrainian girl named Kateryna Oleksienko, on two documented occasions. It was a sign of weakness, asking questions. Better to keep your mouth closed and be thought a fool, boy, his father had said to him once, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

“What we have is the Slayer,” Quentin said. “It’s what we’ve always had. And now we have no idea where she is--where either of them are--and no way to reach them so we can coordinate with them.” He shook his head. “If only we hadn’t lost Rebecca Greer...if she was out there running those girls I’d feel a hell of a lot better.”

Wesley found himself frowning before he could hide it. He quickly got his placid, authoritative, on-top-of-things look back into place, and hoped Quentin hadn’t noticed.

Rebecca Greer was the instructor who had washed him out of training.

“Yes, it’s a shame we lost Ms. Greer, but we do have Rupert Giles out there,” Wesley said. “He’s a very capable Watcher, from what I’ve read.”

“That Slayer of his leads him around by the nose,” Quentin said. “The girl needs a stronger hand.”

“I certainly agree with you there. From what I’ve read she’s willful, obstinate, intractable...”

“Of course that willful, obstinate, intractable girl has saved the world now, on at least three occasions. So let’s have some perspective here. But Buffy Summers isn’t the reason I called you in here, Wesley. We have two Slayers now. And without Rebecca Greer, Faith Lehane is without a Watcher. Mr. Giles is capable, but watching a Slayer is a far cry from watching a mere potential and watching two Slayers would be a task of Herculean proportions. We need another Watcher out there and we need him out there now. We have a plane fueled and ready to go. Whoever we send might not be able to find her, they might not even survive the trip. But we need someone out there. I’d go, but the Council of Elders is scattered around the world right now and I’m the only one left to run this damned place. A pity, it would have been nice to get back in the field, away from all this blasted paperwork.” Quentin smiled. “Unfortunately, someone else has to be the one to go. But who shall it be?”

Wesley smiled too. He didn’t like to think that the fact he was getting Rebecca Greer’s Slayer made him smile; he hoped he wasn’t that petty.

“You’ve made great strides these past few years, Wesley,” Quentin said. “Your know our library backwards and forwards and you have an excellent grasp of psychology, human and otherwise. In fact you seem to have quite a way with demons; it was your insight that saved the day in Chile when those insect demons were mucking about.”

“With insects it’s always all about protecting the queen,” Wesley said. “Having a Master’s in psychology from Oxford doesn’t quite prepare you for demon psychology I’m afraid. It’s a matter of instinct there.” He leaned forward, talking excitedly now. “You have to listen to your gut,” he said. “You have to really get into the demon’s head, really feel it, the savagery, the bloodlust, the utter depravity. You have to--”

Wesley realized he was going overboard; becoming pleased with himself. That wouldn’t do. He pulled back.

“Well, suffice to say you can’t be afraid to roll up your sleeves and get down in the dirt,” he finished.

“And you’re not afraid to do that?” Quentin said.

“Absolutely not.”

“Faith Lehane. Tell me about her.”

Wesley had read Faith’s file, everything they had on her. The day Rebecca died Wesley decided he was going to be Faith’s Watcher; getting a Slayer as his first assignment would be quite a feather in his cap, more than enough to make people forget that he had washed out. He knew every word of Faith’s file, he had memorized it. He knew Quentin was testing him now.

“A runaway,” Wesley said. “Her mother abused her, her father was nowhere to be found. She left home at the age of fifteen, and lived as a vagrant until Rebecca Greer found her as a potential.”

“You’ve read Rebecca’s reports?”

“Yes, of course. I’m intimately familiar with them.”

Quentin nodded.

“And what did Rebecca do wrong?” Quentin said. “And how do you intend to correct her mistakes?”

Wesley paused. Things had been going well; reciting things he had memorized was Wesley’s favorite thing to do. But now he’d hit a bump in the road. As much as he was loath to admit it, he didn’t think Rebecca had done anything wrong. She’d turned a troubled, apathetic, undisciplined girl into a marvelous Slayer...

Wesley racked his brain. He fidgeted with his tie. He tried to come up with an answer Quentin would want to hear. He tried to look dashing while he did it.

Finally he said, “Greer was too close to the girl. She treated her almost as a daughter. That’s not the way it should be between a Watcher and a Slayer, that kind of relationship just confuses the girl. A Slayer is much better off seeing her Watcher as an overseer, a taskmaster. That way the girl knows where she stands and she can go about her duties in an efficient manner.”

Wesley smiled again. He thought he had pulled that off rather well; he almost believed the answer himself. And he really did think it was generally a bad idea for a Watcher to allow themselves to get too close to their Slayer. Slayers died young; it was better not to let yourself get too attached to them. There was always another girl after that...

Quentin nodded.

“Bravo, you told me what you think I want to hear,” Quentin said. “Now try again. If you get the answer wrong this time, I’m afraid we’ll have to find someone else to take that plane.”

Wesley’s smile wilted like a dandelion in winter.

Wesley racked his brain again. He fidgeted with his tie again.

“I wasn’t finished,” Wesley said. “Greer was unprepared when Kakistos and his gang struck. He caught her napping, and seventy-two innocent people paid the price for it.”

Quentin frowned.

“He caught us napping,” Quentin said. “It isn’t the responsibility of a Watcher in the field to be aware of the location of every potential threat out there at all times. That’s what we’re supposed to be for. That’s what our Research department is supposed to be for. We have people whose sole job is to watch out for menaces like Kakistos, to be aware of where they are and what they’re planning at all times, and to keep our Watchers in the field informed. And the most important people to inform, the people who at all costs had to be kept abreast of current events, were Rebecca Greer and Rupert Giles, because they’re watching the Slayers. But we didn’t inform them, because we dropped the ball. And we lost Rebecca Greer over it, and seventy-two more innocent people besides, and we nearly lost both our Slayers too. One thing we definitely lost is our Research department, because I fired the lot of them. And the answer, Wesley, is that Rebecca did nothing wrong. I asked the question because I wanted to see if you had finally made it past your unfortunate habit of toadying, and it seems you still haven’t. Pity.”

Wesley’s face went white.

“Wesley, I think you have great potential,” Quentin said. “You’re a brilliant scholar and I’d hate to lose you. But you’re not a Watcher yet. Someday maybe you will be, but not until you have confidence in yourself, not until you can bloody well speak up. Say what you want about Rupert Giles and how he lets his Slayer lead him around by the nose but he’s willing to do what must be done, what he thinks is right, and he couldn’t give a damn about what I think. And those are the kinds of Watchers I want out there. When trouble comes it comes hard and fast and there won’t be time for you to call in and check with us. I need Watchers who are self-reliant and able to think on their feet. Right now, that isn’t you.”

“This...this wasn’t fair,” Wesley said. “You tricked me.”

“Ah, now you’re speaking up,” Quentin said, and chuckled. “Excellent. Be angry at me. Use it to motivate yourself. I’m putting you in charge of our Research department--actually, for the moment you are the Research department. If you still want to help the world out of this mess--if your goal is to help, rather than to land Rebecca Greer’s Slayer because you’re still annoyed that she washed you out of training--then you’ll go down to those damned books and find me something I can use. Or you can go home and pout about the unfairness of the world, while everyone in it dies. Make a choice. And for God’s sake, Pryce, make your choice. Not the choice you think your father wants you to make.”

Wesley looked down at the table, and thought about things. His face was red now. He couldn’t see it in the reflection but he knew it was. He noticed he didn’t look particularly dashing anymore.

“Speak up,” Quentin said. “Time is running out. For all of us.”

“I’ll be down in Research,” Wesley said, and stood up.

“Excellent choice,” Quentin said.

Wesley didn’t look at him as he walked toward the door.

“Wesley,” Quentin said.

Wesley turned.

“If we’d had someone of your talent in our Research department a few months ago maybe Kakistos wouldn’t have caught us napping,” Quentin said. “Being a Watcher is glamorous but as this debacle will show you, good research is just as important to our mission. And at the end of the day this isn’t about glamour. It’s about the mission. Maybe Research is where you can do the most good for the world. And isn’t that why you’re here? To do some good?”

Wesley nodded, and walked out.

And he made a decision, as he walked down the deserted hallway to the elevators, which would take him down to the basement, where Research was located.

His father still had a lot of pull; in fact his father was on the Council of Elders.

Wesley decided he was going to have his Slayer, by hook or by crook...

Faith woke up in a strange room.

She looked up, and saw Buffy looking down at her.

Buffy smiled.

“Hey baby,” Buffy said, and kissed her.

“B?” Faith said. She looked around. She felt strange. The room was dark, but it was full of scents...Buffy’s, Willow’s, Tara’s...other people she didn’t recognize...and blood...medicinal smells...

She looked around. She saw Tara asleep on a chair beside her bed, and Willow asleep on another chair near the window.

“It’s me, baby,” Buffy said, and kissed her again, and smoothed down her hair. “How do you feel? You feel okay?”

Faith tried to move. But there were things attached to her...sticking out of her wrists....

She recognized them. They were IV’s. She followed the tubes back to the machines they were attached to...the bag of fluids, the heart monitor. She got that feeling in her stomach again...the old panicky feeling...she forced it back down.

“I’m in the hospital,” Faith said.

Buffy nodded, and caressed her hair. “Yeah. I know, you don’t like hospitals. I know baby, and I’m sorry. But you...you were dying.” A tear fell down Buffy’s cheek. “And you can’t die on me. You almost...almost did before and...”

Buffy was crying now.

“You can’t die,” Buffy whispered. “You can’t die on me, baby, you can’t, you can’t.”

Faith hugged her, as best she could with the IV’s hooked up to her arms.

“Okay, honey,” Faith said. “What happened? How long have I been out?”

“We...went looking for my mom, remember?” Buffy said, and wiped her tears away. “In L.A.? We ran into a vampire...Drusilla.”

Faith remembered...

She remembered a beautiful voice, singing to her...the voice was in her head now...it was singing again.

It wouldn’t stop singing...

I’m looking for you again...

The voice was beautiful...Faith thought she could listen to it forever. But she knew everything it said was a lie.

Faith rejected the voice. She made the voice stop.

“So that was Drusilla, huh?” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “She...she took most of your blood, baby. But then you took her down and I killed Spike and--”

“Spike? Wait, Spike was there?”

“You were...sort of out of it. He came in and I managed to grab him with one of the moves you taught me.”

Buffy hugged her harder, and started crying again.

“The move you taught me,” Buffy said. “You taught me.”

“You okay, honey?” Faith whispered, and kissed her cheek. Buffy shook her head. Her face was buried in Faith’s hair, and she was trembling.

“You’re my girl,” Faith whispered.

Buffy nodded.

They stayed that way for awhile. Faith held onto Buffy, as Buffy cried, and trembled.

And Faith tried to remember...but everything was hazy...

She remembered knocking Buffy unconscious so she could get to Joyce in time. She remembered Drusilla, looking at her, and controlling her somehow... holding her in her eyes...

For a moment, that feeling was familiar...trying to move, and not being able to...trying to fight, but knowing you couldn’t...because someone else was in control. So you waited...waited for them to allow you to do things...

Faith thought she had something in her grasp...something she had forgotten, something she had lost...

Willow’s scent came to her. It was strong, in the room. She’d always liked Willow’s scent.

Goddess, Faith thought, as she looked at her, sleeping in the chair by the window. But she had no idea why she’d thought that, or what it meant...

You’re my goddess, Faith remembered herself saying...to someone.

But then whatever she had been holding onto, it was gone again...she’d lost it again.

But then Faith remembered...

...She remembered Joyce.

“Oh no,” Faith whispered. “Oh no, honey...” She looked up into Buffy’s eyes, and started crying. “Oh, no! Oh no, oh no...”

Buffy looked back down into Faith’s eyes. Buffy was crying too.

Neither of them had to say it...they both knew why they were crying now.

“I’m sorry,” Faith whispered. She touched Buffy’s cheek with a shaking hand. “I’m sorry about Joyce.”

Buffy nodded, and kissed her. Then she sat up, and looked down into Faith’s eyes again.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Buffy whispered, as softly as she could. She wanted to keep her voice down, so Angel wouldn’t hear. “And you better not start thinking it is, okay? I’m pissed at you enough as it is, with how you keep on almost dying on me all the time and you can never just fucking talk to me? And then how instead of trying to talk to me you sucker punched me in the car? But my mom wasn’t your fault. If you start, start trying to blame yourself for my mom I’ll, I’ll...I’ll kick your ass.”

“Okay,” Faith said.

“I mean it,” Buffy said, with tears running down her cheeks. “I’ll kick your ass.”

“C’mere, honey,” Faith said, and drew her closer, and hugged her again. “Let me...let me take care of my girl.”

“I’m your girl,” Buffy whispered, and cried, with her face buried in Faith’s hair. “I’m your girl.”

“You’re my girl,” Faith said.

“Faith,” Buffy said. “Xander, he...he died.”

Angel came back to the ugly little lounge area down the hall from Faith’s room with two bags of pretzels and a big cup of coffee, and sat back down in his uncomfortable little orange plastic chair. Cordelia was asleep in the chair next to his. She snored, but it was a soft sound, even a pretty one, he thought, and he didn’t mind it. Giles was asleep in the chair next to her.

Angel hadn’t slept. He watched the television hanging in the corner. It’s what he’d been doing all night: according to CNN, it was just past seven in the morning on the West Coast now.

But the sun hadn’t come up...the sky was black. All over the world, the sky was black.

He knew Faith was awake; he could hear her. He heard Buffy and Faith now, crying together.

He wanted to visit Faith. He liked her. But he knew Buffy wouldn’t want him there. He knew Buffy, Willow and Tara had all stayed with Faith together... he’d heard them talking the night before. He smiled when he thought of Tara falling for Willow’s joke about werewolves.

He wanted to talk to Tara...to be with her. He missed her, even though he’d only known her a day. But she was with them now...and he wasn’t part of what they had.

He never would be again.

He watched television, alone, and tried not to hear Buffy and Faith crying...

“Do me a favor, baby?” Buffy whispered. She looked around the room. Willow and Tara were still asleep.

“Anything for my girl,” Faith whispered back, and kissed her. They were lying on the bed together, and Faith was holding Buffy in her arms as best she could with the IV’s all tangled up together and pulling at her skin. Their eyes were red from crying. Faith hadn’t known Xander very well. She knew that when she cried for him, she had actually been crying for Buffy.

Because she knew Buffy would always carry Xander’s death inside her...it would be another burden she would have to bear.

“Don’t...don’t tell anyone about my mom yet,” Buffy whispered. “I haven’t told Will or Tara or anyone and...I just...I can’t deal with it right now, okay? With all the craziness going on? With you almost dying and then Xander, and the world falling apart? I just...I can’t deal with that right now. I’ll tell them but...later, okay?”

“Okay,” Faith said. “But...you gotta do something for me too, honey.”

“What? I mean other than kick your ass? I’m so gonna kick your ass you know. And I’m not, not even kidding? We can’t be this way anymore. From now on we have to talk about stuff. We have to do stuff together. We love each other and we can’t...can’t keep trying to do stuff on our own.”

“Believe me honey, you don’t gotta tell me how I fucked everything up. Guess we both know who should have been the leader all along, huh?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “You.”

“Buffy...look, you’re bein’ nice because you love me, and I appreciate that? But...take a look around. At the world, at our friends...the people we love. It’s all...it’s all fucked up. I fucked everything up.”

A tear rolled down Faith’s cheek. Buffy shook her head, and kissed it away.

“Baby, you think there’s anything you could have done that would have stopped Drusilla from being in that house? I’m the one who fucked this up, not you. I told you I would listen to you and go along with your plan and then I didn’t. If I had just listened to you, instead of trying to leave the car? Then we could’ve gone in after Dru together, and she never would’ve gotten her claws into you. Instead you almost died because of me. You’re the leader from now on, Faith. I already decided, I decided last night. And yeah, okay, I can’t decide for all of us? Will and Tara get to vote on this too? But I decided for me. And this isn’t just because I don’t want to do it? It’s because you’re the best one for the job, baby.”

“You...really think that? It’s not just...because you love me?”

“Everything I do is because I love you,” Buffy said, and smiled, and kissed her. “But yeah. I really think that. From now on I want you to be like, the leader. We’ll all like, weigh in and debate stuff like we always do? But when we’re in a fight, when we’re fighting to save the world, eventually it has to stop being a democracy. We can all debate stuff around and around but eventually someone has to make the decision, someone has to take charge. I want it to be you. Okay? Will you do it?”

“Yeah. If...if Will’s good with it too.”

“And Tara. I sort of brought her into the gang yesterday.”

“Yeah?” Faith thought about it. She wasn’t sure she liked the idea. She looked over at Tara, watched her sleep in the chair. She was beautiful. Faith was used to her spicy scent; she always wanted it around her. She was warm...Faith had felt warm, that night when she had laid curled up in Tara’s arms. She knew she couldn’t have that again...it would be wrong to have it again...but she still didn’t like Tara being in danger.

“I know you worry about her, baby,” Buffy said. “But she wants to be part of it. And she’s already been a big help to us today. You know we could use her. And I like her. I want her with us.”

“Yeah,” Faith said. “Okay. I figure, with all the speeches I’m always makin’ at you about lettin’ Will help, it would be kinda hypocritical to make Tara stay home. But Buffy...if I’m really gonna lead this thing? Assuming there even is a thing, assuming there’s even gonna be a world left after this? It’s gotta change. We can’t just let bad guys take potshots at us and then like, react to it. We gotta make moves. We gotta go out there and take the fight to them. Bad guys like Spike and Dru...”

“Yeah. I should’ve killed them a long time ago. My fault.”

Faith kissed her.

“That’s another change I’m gonna make,” Faith said. “It’s the thing I need you to do for me. No more of you havin’ the world on your shoulders, blaming yourself for everything. No blaming yourself for Xander. Leaving was his decision and it was a mistake, he played into the First’s hands. We’re a group now, beautiful. Stuff goes bad, it’s on all of us, okay?”

Buffy smiled. “Okay, boss. Anything else? Want me to do some pushups?”

Faith raised her eyebrow. “Sure, honey,” she whispered, and licked Buffy’s neck. You wanna get on top of me?”

“Oh my God,” Buffy said, and giggled. “The world’s ending and you’re like, in the hospital with seventy-five percent brand new blood and you’re horny.”

“End of the world. Figure there’s no better time. But I’ll keep it in my pants ’til later. One last change I’m gonna make. I’m trainin’ Will and Tara up. They go into the field with us they’re gonna know how to defend themselves, how to fight with a weapon, they’re gonna be in shape. We’ve...we’ve lost people, Buffy. I don’t wanna lose anyone else.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, and hugged her again.

Faith thought back to Joyce...Buffy’s scent reminded Faith of Joyce. The first time she had met her, Joyce had given her a hug, and made her promise to come over for dinner. She remembered Joyce’s laugh...her perfume. How she felt when Joyce put her arm around her on the couch that time she slept over Buffy’s house for the weekend and they all watched a movie together...she’d felt a little nervous, a little awkward, but she’d felt warm too...

She remembered Joyce’s ghostly pale face, and Joyce’s wide, staring green eyes, and the tears on her cheeks...and the bloody wound on her neck.

She remembered Joyce’s lifeless eyes, staring straight at her...

She wondered if Joyce had gone to Heaven. She hoped she had...but she wasn’t sure she believed in Heaven...wasn’t sure she believed anyone was watching over them.

How could any God leave the world this way?

“Hey, sweetie,” Willow said.

Faith looked up, and saw Willow sitting up in the chair, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“Hey, fairy godmother,” Faith said, and realized immediately that she had no idea why she’d said it.

“Fairy godmother?” Willow said, and smiled. “Okay, sweetie. I can be your fairy godmother if you want. Auntie, fairy godmother...I have a diverse skill set.”

Willow walked over and sat down on the bed beside them, next to Tara’s chair.

“How’s my sweetie?” she said, and caressed Faith’s hair.

Faith looked up into Willow’s eyes, and started to cry. “Will, I’m...I’m sorry about Xander.”

Willow nodded, and her eyes filled with tears.

She wiped Faith’s tears away, and kissed Faith’s forehead, and took her hand.

“Thanks, sweetie,” Willow whispered. “Buffy told you what happened? With me getting kidnapped and everything?”

“Yeah. Those vamps want you for something Will, you’re important to them. Buffy says Angel told her they were doin’ like some kind of ceremony on you...like they couldn’t kill you until they did some magic stuff first. We gotta figure that out. We figure out why you’re so important to them, and what that ceremony was, maybe it can help get us out of this.”

Willow smiled. “That was some nice tactical thinking. And yeah, we’ll figure all that stuff out. But how do you feel? You feel okay now?”

“Yeah. All kinda woozy but...okay. So Buffy says...I lost a lot of blood?”

“Yeah. You needed a transfusion. Buffy and Tara both gave you blood, and me and Angel sorta raided a blood bank back in Sunnydale to bring you more. You needed a whole lot.” Willow looked up at the stand holding the bag of clear fluid Faith was receiving. There wasn’t a blood bag there anymore. “Looks like you got it all, they’ve just got you on regular fluids now.”

“You guys...you gave me blood?” Faith said, and looked at Tara. Tara was still asleep in the chair, snoring softly. Faith remembered that sound...she liked it.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “You and I are the same blood type? We’re both B-negative. And Tara’s O-negative, so she’s a universal donor, she can give to anyone. But we couldn’t give you anywhere near enough? Drusilla took like three-quarters of your blood. If Will hadn’t gotten here with that blood from the blood bank...”

“You guys all...you all saved me,” Faith said, and looked back up at Willow.

“Always will, sweetie,” Willow said.

“Willow...you wanna...talk about it?” Faith said. “I mean...Xander?”

“What’s to talk about?” Willow said. “Xander screwed up, he made a dumb move and now we’re all fucked.”

“Xander died fighting for you, Willow,” Faith said. “He died defending his girl.”

Willow looked toward the window. She looked out at blackness, dotted with red. There was more red now than before...the fires were spreading.

“I wasn’t his girl anymore,” Willow said. “He dumped me. And yeah, okay, he was all like, heroic? Great. But he was heroic and stupid. I’d rather have him smart and alive.”

Willow turned back to Faith and Buffy.

“Trying to take me away from you guys, I know why he did it? I understand what was going through his head,” Willow said. “But it was a stupid decision.”

“Will...” Faith said. “You know...you know he just did it because...”

“Yeah, because he loved me, I know. And I loved him too. Doesn’t make him less of an idiot though for what he did. It got him killed. I almost died too, Giles almost died. If Xander and I were with you guys today? This might not have happened. Xander’s got weapons, he’s got the flamethrowers at Giles’ house and I know he’s still got a grenade left in his bedroom at his parents’ place. Buffy told me what happened in the cemetery. That one grenade could have saved the world. Instead look where we are. Look out the window. The whole world’s gone to hell and people are dying out there because someone made a stupid decision and I...I just went along with it. We can’t do that anymore...we can’t all be acting on our own anymore. Someone needs to lead. Someone smart.”

“Not me,” Buffy said. “I’m not doing it anymore. I can’t...I can’t be telling everyone what to do all the time. You can see the proof right out the window.”

“Faith, Buffy and I talked about it a little while you were asleep?” Willow said. “About how this whole thing went off the rails and how we need to make changes to the way we do things? Someone’s gotta lead. Buffy doesn’t want to do it, but someone has to. If Buffy wanted to do it? I’d follow her. Buffy, do you get that, sweetie? Do you get that I love you and I’d follow you into hell? You’re an awesome leader. Okay, I get that you’re kinda burned out being the one in charge but, I mean, hello? Earth to Buffy? You’ve saved the world! Three times! Three! Step back if you think you have to but, can you maybe give yourself some credit for all the good you’ve done?”

“You listen to her honey,” Faith said, and kissed Buffy’s cheek. “When auntie talks we listen.”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “And auntie’s talking now, okay? So listen, Buffy. You’re a great leader? Even a born leader. But, the one thing you always did wrong? The one thing that’s keeping me from like, slapping you upside your head for even thinking about stepping down? Is that you tried to do too much stuff yourself. You tried to take on too much of the burden and it hurt you. You didn’t always let the rest of us in because you have this big martyr complex because you’re the Slayer. You let that ‘one girl in all the world’ junk Giles kept spouting at you go to your head. From now on? Yeah, okay, someone has to lead, someone has to like, make the final decisions? But from now on, if this is gonna work, we all have to be part of it, we all have to be included. Stuff like Angel, not telling us he was back? That can’t happen again. Not because it hurt my feelings. Because it’s something that affects us all, affects what we do, and we have to all be included.”

“I know,” Buffy said. “It won’t happen again. From now on...from now on it’s the four of us. I’m sorry, Willow. I’m sorry I lied to you about Angel.”

Willow kissed her cheek. “I know. Forget it, okay, sweetie? You’re always gonna be my sweetie no matter what. Let’s just concentrate on where we are now. And, where we are, okay, kinda really sucks? But it wasn’t your fault, Buffy. If it was anyone’s fault it was mine. Yeah, Xander made a dumb move? What else is new. But I let him drag me away when I should have kicked his idiot ass and fucking locked him in your spare room until he came to his senses.”

“It sounds like...like you’re angry with him,” Buffy said.

“I am,” Willow said. “I think maybe I always will be a little. I thought him and me were gonna have a life together? Instead now I have to remember him this way. I have to remember him dumping me and fucking up the world because he couldn’t see past his ego and his stupid male bullshit. And I think I have a right to be angry? So I’m gonna let myself be angry for awhile, okay? This thing, me and Xander, and what Xander did? It’s my thing, Buffy. It’s mine. It’s not your fault. Don’t try to...try to take it away from me and add it to your big ol’ backpack of angst. That would be selfish of you. It’s not yours. It’s mine. Okay?”

“Okay,” Buffy said, and squeezed her hand.

“So anyway...someone’s gotta lead,” Willow said. “Someone smart, someone we can all get behind. Buffy doesn’t want to do it anymore so we gotta pick someone else.”

“Okay...these chairs suck,” Tara said, and yawned, and stretched. “Someone had to say it.” She smiled, and touched Faith’s hand. “Hey sweetie. You feel okay?”

“Yeah,” Faith said. “I hear I got some brand new O-negative blood groovin’ in my veins.”

“Yup, and it’s completely awesome blood?” Tara said. “It’s like, super cool blood. It’s got the same stuff in it that Underdog had in his Super Energy Pills. You’re gonna be like, so cool from now on. You’re John, by the way. We’re like, all Beatles? I sorta decided we’re Beatles. Our new name is the Fab Four.” Tara giggled. “Okay, I’m babbling. Just ignore me.”

“I like how you babble, honey,” Faith said. “C’mere and gimme a hug.”

Tara leaned over the bed, and hugged her.

“You sure you’re okay, sweetie?” Tara said, and kissed her cheek. “You had me...”

Tara broke down in tears.

“You had me all worried,” Tara whispered.

Faith hugged Tara harder, as Tara cried...

Buffy and Willow watched them together.

Willow wanted to hug Tara too...when she saw those tears in Tara’s eyes, she wanted to hold her.

But it wasn’t real...those weren’t her feelings...

Willow had found herself for the moment, come back to herself. But holding on to herself was a constant effort. It was like dangling from a cliff.

“It’s okay, honey,” Faith whispered in Tara’s ear. “It’s okay now. It’s okay.”

Tara nodded her head, and smiled. Eventually, she let go of Faith, and stopped crying.

“I’m sorry,” Tara said. “I’m all goofy. I’m a big babbling crying goof.”

“You’re a perfect awesome Tara,” Faith said.

“Plus I’m George,” Tara said.

“You’re George?” Faith said.

“It’s this big Beatles thing,” Buffy said. “We’re all Beatles now. I’m Paul because he’s the cutest one. I totally called dibs on Paul. Tara called dibs on George.”

“I took Ringo, even though he sucks?” Willow said. “We figured you wouldn’t want to be Ringo.”

“He the goofy one with the big nose who played drums?” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Willow said. “See? I’m an awesome aunt. Don’t ever let it be said that I don’t take care of my niece. I kill vamps for you, raid blood banks for you, I’ll even be Ringo for you.”

“So...the thing with Drusilla,” Faith said. “What happened? Buffy, you said...I took her down, and you killed Spike? But...I don’t really remember. I remember Drusilla a little but I don’t remember Spike being there at all.”

“You were pretty out of it,” Buffy said. “Drusilla took most of your blood, and she had you in her claws and I knew if I made a move she could kill you before I could reach you. It was a standoff. Then Spike showed up and I kicked his ass with one of your awesome aikido moves? The wristlock, where you spin the person around and get them on their knees? I did that and had a sword to his throat and I tried to negotiate with Dru, tried to trade Spike for you. But she wasn’t going for it...she said...she said you were supposed to be her...”

“Her daughter?” Willow said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said.

“Wait, how did you know...?” Tara started to say...

Then the answer dawned on her.

“Oh,” Tara said.

“Yeah,” Willow said. “Angel told you that too, huh? How I have Dru’s memories of that closet Angelus put her in? He made Drusilla force them into my head. But her visions...my memory of the visions she had in the closet have always been kind of hazy. The visions were all so bound up with Dru’s subconscious, with her insanity, that I never really got a clear image of any of them. I knew there was a brown-haired girl, sometime in the future, and that Dru saw herself turning her. But I couldn’t see her too well. Goddess, Faith...if I had only known. If I had only known it was you I would have found Dru and killed her myself, sweetie. But, I promise? I won’t ever let her hurt you again.”

“Actually, Drusilla was like, half dead by the time Faith got through with her, her head was all like caved-in and gross looking,” Buffy was saying, but Faith wasn’t listening anymore.

The image of Joyce came to Faith again. Her lifeless eyes were staring at her again...there were tears on Joyce’s cheeks.

Drusilla had torn Joyce’s throat out, and there wasn’t anything Faith could do...Drusilla had controlled her somehow, stopped her from fighting...

Drusilla’s voice, her eyes, had held her...

Drusilla’s beautiful voice came to her again, sang to her again. She wondered now if she would always hear that voice...if it would always be there, no matter how hard she tried to force it to stop...

Faith remembered Drusilla’s scent: it was like roses soaked in blood. It was a sweet scent, the way blood was sweet.

Faith’s memories of Drusilla were hazy things, like the memories of a dream. But the more she dwelled on Drusilla’s scent, the more she remembered... and it was easy to dwell on Drusilla’s scent. It was all over her. Drusilla had touched her...

“Drusilla...she...did something to me...it was like...I couldn’t move,” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “She hypnotized you. That’s kinda what she does.”

The memories of Drusilla were getting stronger now, becoming sharper. Faith remembered Drusilla touching her.

She remembered Drusilla’s hands caressing her stomach...moving between her legs. She remembered Drusilla’s tongue in her mouth...she could still taste it.

It felt dirty. Everything Drusilla did made Faith feel dirty.

Tears came into Faith’s eyes...and she felt panicky suddenly...like there was something else, something wrong...something she hadn’t remembered yet, but she suddenly knew she was going to...she was going to any moment...

“What’s wrong, baby?” Buffy said. “Is it...is it Drusilla? Is it what she did?”

“I don’t know,” Faith said.

Buffy waited. It took Faith awhile to talk sometimes. But this time Faith didn’t talk...

Faith felt them all looking at her. She felt herself falling to pieces inside. She felt like she was shaking. The memory was there, it was coming...she couldn’t stop it. She had done something... she had done something terribly wrong...

“Sweetie?” Tara said, and touched Faith’s hand. “You’ve...you’ve been through a lot. Just...just give yourself time.”

Faith thought that when she remembered the thing she had done, it might kill her.

She felt Buffy looking at her. She felt her eyes on her. She didn’t look back.

“Baby? Baby what’s...what’s wrong...?” Buffy whispered. “Okay, besides the obvious, like how the world is screwed? Tell me? Tell me what’s...”

“I wanna...I wanna take a shower,” Faith said. “That a bathroom over there? It got a shower?’

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “But--”

Faith started to get up. Buffy gently held her down.

“Faith, you’ve got like all these tubes in you right now, you’re still getting fluids and stuff--”

“I wanna fucking shower!” Faith whimpered. The tears were falling down her cheeks now. “I need...I need a shower.”

The memory came. Faith couldn’t hold it back anymore... couldn’t hide from it anymore.

Faith remembered the thing she had done.

Her face went pale.

Give me your burden, Drusilla had said, and held out her arms.

Faith had hesitated...tried to fight her. But Drusilla just looked into her eyes, and smiled...

Be a good girl, now, Drusilla had said. Be a good daughter.

And tears had run down Faith’s cheeks, as she felt her arms moving, and couldn’t stop them...

And then Faith handed Buffy to Drusilla...gave her away.

Faith remembered Drusilla lifting Buffy in her arms like a baby, and smiling again, as Faith followed behind, helplessly, pleading with her...

Don’t...don’t...don’t? Please...please? Faith remembered herself whimpering...

And Faith knew at that moment that she had just lost something precious.

She knew she would never get it back. She didn’t deserve it. She had given it away.

“Baby? What’s...what’s wrong?” Buffy whispered, and wiped Faith’s tears away. Tell me? Please?”

Buffy held Faith’s hand.

Faith felt everyone looking at her. She was tired of them all looking at her. She felt like she was on display now. She wanted them all gone.

She looked down at Buffy’s hand in hers.

“I just...just...want a shower, okay?” Faith said, and took her hand away from Buffy’s.

“I’ll...I’ll go ask Sol if it’s okay to take you off the IV and stuff?” Tara said. “Be right back.” She got up and ran out of the room in her hospital gown.

Buffy tried to take Faith’s hand again, but Faith pulled away. Faith saw it in Buffy’s face, in her eyes, when she did that; she had hurt her.

“I’m sorry I’m all...I’m sorry,” Faith said. “I just...wanna shower. I’m just feelin’ all...I don’t know. There’s just...all this stuff, all these tubes in me and...her smell’s on me and...I wanna shower.”

“It’s okay, baby,” Buffy said, and kissed her cheek.

Willow didn’t say anything. She hadn’t said a word for awhile. Faith glanced up at her. Willow was watching her. Faith looked away.

Faith realized Willow wasn’t touching her anymore. She wasn’t holding her hand, or stroking her hair.

Buffy was still stroking her hair. Faith tried to turn her head away, but Buffy wouldn’t stop.

Tara came back into the room.

“Um...well...they don’t want to take you off the machines,” Tara said. “They want you monitored every second, at least until tomorrow. But...Melanie? The nurse? She said one of the nurses can give you a sponge bath...um...if you want.”

Faith shook her head.

“I’ll do it,” Buffy said.

Faith shook her head again.

“You...don’t want to?” Buffy said. Faith glanced at her. Buffy’s face was red now. Faith knew she had hurt her again.

Faith noticed Willow was still watching her. Not touching her, not talking. Just watching her.

“I just...” Faith started to say, and looked down at the bedsheet. “I’m just...look, can I...can I just...?”

Faith felt her tears coming again. She tried to hold them back this time.

“You know what?” Willow said, and stood up. “I think bein’ hooked up to all this junk and then having three crazy girls hovering over you has to be kinda tiring? So me, Buffy and Tara are gonna go down to the caf and grab some food and let you rest, okay sweetie? Plus I bet you’re real hungry? You got that big Slayer appetite. So we’ll bring you back lots of yummy vittles.”

Faith didn’t say anything, but she noticed Willow wasn’t waiting for a reply. Willow moved to the other side of the bed, took Buffy’s hand, and stood her up.

“Um...okay,” Buffy said. “We’ll bring you back some food, okay?”

Faith nodded her head, and looked down at the bedsheet. Buffy kissed her. Faith didn’t kiss her back. Buffy’s face turned redder.

“C’mon, Tara,” Willow said, as she walked Buffy briskly around the bed toward the door. Tara stood up and joined them, watching Faith the whole time.

“You...sure you’re okay, sweetie?” Tara said.

“Yeah,” Faith said, without looking at her. “Just...need to rest up a little.”

“It’s my fault,” Buffy said, as they stood waiting for the elevator. “I was just all...hovering over her and bothering her. She probably just needs to get away from me being in her face for awhile.”

“That’s not what she needs, Buffy,” Willow said. “It’s not what she wants. And it’s not your fault.”

The elevator arrived, and Buffy and Tara stepped inside.

“What do you mean?” Buffy said.

Willow didn’t get into the elevator.

“I need to talk to her,” Willow said. “And I need you two to stay away until I come get you. Go down to the caf, have breakfast, or lunch, or whatever meal we’re on. I’ll come get you in awhile.”

“But...don’t you think...she wants to be alone for awhile?” Tara said.

“No,” Willow said. “That’s the last thing she wants. You guys eat. And don’t come back until I come get you. Faith and I need to have a talk, and I don’t want anyone interrupting until we’re done.”

“Will...?” Buffy said.

Willow hugged her.

“It’s not you, Buffy,” Willow said. “You didn’t do anything wrong. She loves you. I’ll come get you when I’m done talking to her, okay sweetie? It’s gonna be okay.”

Buffy nodded her head. Willow thought she looked afraid.

The elevator doors closed.

Willow walked back down the hall to Faith’s room.

When she got there the door was shut and she couldn’t open it. She tried the knob but something was blocking the door. Willow reached out with her mind...reached through the door...felt the thing in front of it.

She pushed it away with her mind, and opened the door.

There was a chair on the floor; Faith had propped the chair against the door because the door didn’t have a lock on it. Faith wasn’t in the bed. The tubes from the IV machine and the heart monitor were tangled up on the floor. Willow heard the shower going.

Willow sat down in the chair by the window, and waited.

Faith knelt on the floor in the shower, and let the water pour down over her, and cried.

She’d washed herself; she’d washed herself raw. She’d scrubbed every inch of herself and she still felt dirty. Drusilla’s scent wasn’t on her anymore but she could still smell it; it was in her head now. She wondered if it would always be with her.

She remembered the little beach she had walked on with Rebecca in the dream...the one that looked like the painting in the house she found Joyce in. Faith thought that if she had told Rebecca she wanted to stay, maybe she would have stayed...maybe she would have died, died in Drusilla’s arms, and she could have stayed on that beach with Rebecca forever.

“I should’ve stayed with you, Becca,” Faith whispered, as the hot water kept coming, washing over her. “I screwed everything up. I let everybody down. I should’ve stayed with you on that beach.”

Willow sat by the window for more than forty minutes. Before two minutes had passed Melanie had come rushing in because Faith’s monitor wasn’t giving a signal anymore and she had someone at the nurse’s station watching it. She wasn’t happy when Willow explained the situation, but since Faith was already in the shower Melanie eventually agreed to leave as long as Willow stayed with Faith and made sure she was hooked up to her monitors again. “If Sol was here he might have strapped her down to the bed,” Melanie said. “We went to a lot of trouble to save her life and we’re not gonna let her endanger herself. We all like Faith? We like all you guys? But don’t let her pull this kind of stunt again, okay?”

Willow promised she would make sure Faith stayed on good behavior from now on, and after Melanie left Willow propped a chair against the door again. And waited.

Finally, Faith came out of the shower, trailing steam into the little room. She was in a towel, holding her hospital gown in her hand. She nearly jumped when she saw Willow sitting by the window.

“Uh...hey,” Faith said.

“Long shower,” Willow said. “Almost forty-five minutes.”

“Yeah,” Faith said. She stood there in her towel. She wasn’t sure what to do. But for some reason she didn’t feel awkward. She thought she should feel awkward, being around Willow like this. “Uh...how did you get in? Had the chair in front of the door.”

“Telekinesis. I can levitate pencils, remember? So how come you didn’t smell me? Didn’t think it was possible to sneak up on a Slayer.”

“Room’s pretty small, it’s already loaded with your scent. Couldn’t tell the difference. Thought you guys were goin’ to the caf?”

“I came back to talk to you. How about you put that hospital gown on. You’re like, super-hot? But you’re already taken.”

“You gonna dime me out about the shower?”

“You tell me. Do you think I am?”

“No.”

“See? I don’t just know you. You know me too.”

“You ever stop to think how fucked up it is, with me and you? How you got my memories? I mean like, me standing here in a towel, right? You’ve seen me naked a million times. You’ve seen me in the memories. I wake up in the morning, take a shower, you remember all that.”

“Yeah. You and me...we’re connected, Faith.”

Faith took off her towel. She let Willow see her.

“You’re beautiful,” Willow said.

Faith didn’t put her hospital gown on. She stood there, and let Willow see her.

“I kinda like re-wired you a little, didn’t I?” Faith said. “How you told me you were all wantin’ Buffy after you got my memories? You kinda like girls a little now.”

“Yeah,” Willow said, and smiled. “Not like, totally? But...I used to be like, straight as an arrow and now I’m...well...I’ve been thinking I’m kinda bi. You bein’ all beautiful and naked over there? Kinda confirming it for me.”

“You really think I’m beautiful?”

“Always did. From the first time I met you, sweetie. When I saw you in that alley you were the most beautiful thing I’d ever imagined. You were like the sun in the sky.”

Faith stood there. She wasn’t sure what to do. She’d been coming up with a plan ever since the memory came. She knew this would help with the plan...but she didn’t know if she could do it.

“Not that I’m complaining over here, but are you ever gonna get dressed, hot legs?” Willow said. “Or are you just waiting for me to blush?”

Faith smiled, and put on her hospital gown.

“Better?” Faith said.

“Sorry sweetie, did you say something?” Willow said. “I’m desperately trying to imagine James Van Der Beek right now.”

Faith giggled, and hopped on the bed. “Shit, I’m hotter than that dude any day. Come over here, honey. Come talk to me. Tell me all about how hot you think I am, and I’ll tell you about how hot I think you are.”

Willow sat on the bed. Faith flipped herself over, and laid down on her stomach, stretching out her legs behind her.

“You think I’m hot?” Willow said.

“You know I do,” Faith said. “You got my memories. You know I had a little crush on you.”

“Yeah but...I never really got that. I mean...someone like you...you’re so...so gorgeous. And me? I guess maybe I’m sorta cute, but...”

“You’re beautiful. I’m not just saying it either. I always thought you were beautiful, honey. You know I did.”

“A lot of it’s the way I smell, right?”

“It’s the whole package. And I just...I just always feel real comfortable around you, honey,” Faith said, and took Willow’s hand. “Always have. Even right from that first night. Never could figure it out...it’s like I felt connected to you, y’know? And that was way before you got my memories. I always...”

Faith was caressing Willow’s hand now.

“I always...kinda wanted you,” Faith said.

“I know,” Willow said. She knew Faith, backwards and forwards...she knew what Faith was doing now. Willow played along...

“Totally not fair, how you’ve seen me in my birthday suit a million times and you’ve never returned the favor for me,” Faith said.

“It is,” Willow said, and stood up. She took off her sweater, and kicked off her boots.

“What...what are you doing?” Faith said.

“Returning the favor,” Willow said.

Faith laid there on the bed, blushing now, as Willow undressed. Faith suddenly looked over to the door.

“Propped the chair back up,” Willow said. “You nervous about people walking in?”

Willow gave Faith a wicked smile, as she stood in front of her in her bra and panties, and undid her bra in back.

“You thinking maybe something naughty’s gonna happen?” Willow said, and let her bra slip from her shoulders and fall to the floor.

“We...maybe we...shouldn’t,” Faith said.

“Shouldn’t what?” Willow said, and bent over and pulled off her panties.

Willow was naked now. She stood in front of Faith, watching her.

“I don’t know,” Faith whispered.

Willow laid down beside her on the bed.

“One way to find out,” Willow said, and moved very close to her, and touched her hair.

“But...Buffy,” Faith said.

“What about her, sweetie?” Willow said. Their lips were practically touching now.

Faith blushed even harder.

“Is this what you want, Faith?” Willow whispered. “I know you always felt really comfortable around me. I have your memories. I know you thought about this sometimes.”

Willow’s nipples were hard, and she felt herself becoming wet. She knew she was walking a dangerous line here. Because even though she was only doing this to prove a point, she knew she could have Faith now if she wanted to...and she wanted to.

“Do you want this, baby?” Willow whispered. “They’re downstairs. No one can come in. Do you want me?”

“I...I...do, but...but...” Faith whispered. Her hands were starting to shake.

Willow took Faith’s hands in hers.

“Baby, the thing about me having your memories, feeling like I lived your life?” Willow whispered, her lips nearly brushing Faith’s. She wanted to kiss her. She controlled herself. “The thing about it is, I’ve seen every side of you. I’ve seen you happy and sad, I’ve seen you brave and afraid. And, sweetie? I don’t think I’ve ever seen you as afraid as you are now.”

Faith looked away from her. Willow stroked her hair.

“You committed to Buffy,” Willow said. “You guys are a couple. So you can’t bring yourself to just dump her. So you’re trying to make her dump you, aren’t you?”

Faith didn’t say anything.

“No one knows you better than me, baby,” Willow whispered, and almost kissed her. At the last second she made herself kiss Faith’s cheek. “No one ever will. Your big plan to get Buffy to leave you? Doing all those little things awhile ago to make her think you don’t want her? You were gonna start with the little things, and then when we got back to the house you’d tell her you weren’t in the mood to sleep with her, right? The plan can’t work, Faith. Because Buffy loves you so much that she’ll do whatever she has to do to keep you in her life. If you told her no sex she’d deal with it. Not letting her hold you, not letting her kiss you, she’d deal with it. She’d never leave you, she’d just keep on trying to fix things. You could hurt her and hurt her but she’d never leave you, baby. The only way your plan could maybe work? Would be to do something that crosses the line... something like this. I wasn’t sure what you were doing when Buffy and Tara were here? But when you let me see you naked, I knew. But, baby, you know this plan can’t work because you can’t go through with it. You love Buffy too much to ever cheat on her. And I love you both too much to let you wreck what you two have.”

“I’m...I’m sorry,” Faith said, and held her head in her hands, and cried.

Willow hugged her. “It’s okay, sweetie,” Willow said. “The three of us? Me, Buffy, Tara? We all love you, we’ll never give up on you. And I know you don’t wanna give up on us, but you’re afraid. Something happened with you and Drusilla...something you’re not telling Buffy. But I want you to tell me, okay? I’m your auntie, right? Let me help.”

Faith giggled a little, as she cried.

“You’re my auntie,” she said, and looked up at Willow and smiled.

“And you’re definitely my naughty niece,” Willow said, and smiled as she wiped Faith’s tears away.

Faith curled up against Willow’s breasts. Faith hadn’t meant to do it...she just suddenly found herself doing it. It felt good...it felt just right.

When Faith curled up against her that way, it caught Willow off-guard at first. But then she relaxed. She liked the way it felt...

Willow kissed Faith’s hair, and held her to her bosom.

“Is this better, baby?” Willow whispered.

Faith nodded. “It’s...it’s okay?” Faith whispered. “This is okay?”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “Aunties love their nieces. Now talk to me, sweetie. Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I...I...gave Buffy away.”

“What? What do you mean, baby?”

“When Drusilla was there she...I don’t know, she did something and I couldn’t move and...and I was carrying Buffy and then Drusilla said to give her to her, to give Buffy to her and...and...I did,” Faith said, and started to cry again. “I gave Buffy away, Willow! I gave her away! How can I be with her, how can I say she’s my girl when I did that? When I could do something like that?”

Faith got up, and sat on the edge of the bed.

“She should...she should find someone else,” Faith said. “Maybe you. You wouldn’t give her away. You wouldn’t.”

Willow laughed.

Faith turned, and looked at her, her eyes still red from crying.

“What...why are you laughing?” Faith said.

“Aw sweetie...aw, my poor sweetie!” Willow said, and sat up, and hugged Faith again.

“Don’t...don’t laugh!” Faith said. “Don’t laugh Willow, please? It’s...it’s serious.”

“You’re so lucky you have me, you know that?” Willow said, and kissed her cheek. “I’m gonna make this all better. Um...first I’m gonna put some clothes on though, because, you’re really hot? And there’s just so much of this naked snuggling I can take before I start getting all bi-curious. So, clothes.” She got up, and collected her clothes from the floor, and started getting dressed. “First clothes, then auntie makes everything all better.”

“You can’t make this better,” Faith said. “No one can. I did it, it’s done.”

Willow finished getting dressed, and sat down next to her, and pulled her boots on.

“Sweetie, I’ll always make it better,” Willow said, and took Faith’s hand. “I’ll always take care of you. Always.”

“But I...I gave her away.”

“Yup, you did. And if Dru wanted you to, you would have wrapped her up in a bow too. You were hypnotized, Faith. Dru was controlling you.”

Faith shrugged her shoulders.

“The first time we ran into Dru?” Willow said. “We had no idea who she was. Buffy ran into her downtown and she thought Dru was just this sorta gothy English vampire chick. No big deal, right? Lots of goth vampire chicks around. Can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a goth vampire chick in Sunnydale.”

“It’s the Anne Rice,” Faith said. “They read Anne Rice and they all start thinkin’ they’re all that.”

Willow giggled. “Yeah, Angel’s got the same problem. So anyway Buffy pulls out her stake, y’know, just another day at the office, then she looks into Dru’s eyes, and bang, she’s hypnotized. Dru wins, Buffy loses, fight’s over in like three seconds.”

“Wait...Dru hypnotized Buffy?”

“Yup. Then Buffy walked back to my house, knocked out my mother, punched me in the face, tied me up, threw me over her shoulder, stole my mother’s car, and drove me back to Dru.”

“She...what? But why?”

“Because Dru told her to, sweetie. Buffy was hypnotized. You know how Buffy loves me, right? How she always had a thing for me?”

“Yeah.”

“Well she didn’t even hesitate when Dru told her to bring me to her. I woke up in like this old factory Dru and Spike used to hang out in? I was in my underwear. Buffy was undressing me, because Dru wanted me in like this Victorian outfit? She was throwing a tea party with her dolls.”

“She throws tea parties with dolls?”

“Yeah. Dru’s kinda like, little girly in some ways? When Angelus broke her, when he did all those...those things to her, part of her mind retreated into a fantasy world. And she never came back out. She’s still there, even now. So anyway, I’m like pleading with Buffy because not only is Dru there now but Spike is there too, and even though I had no idea who he was yet? I could tell he was big, big trouble.”

“Was this like, during the Angelus thing?”

“No, before. Spike and Dru had just arrived in town and Spike’s thing was, he liked killing Slayers? He wasn’t as single-minded about it as Kakistos, but when he arrived in Sunnydale and found out there was a Slayer there, he decided to kill her because he thought it would be fun. So he was like, spying on us. He had some vampires working for him and some of them like, picked fights with Buffy just so Spike could film them, y’know, see her in action. Within a week he knew where Buffy lived, and he knew about me and Xander and Giles too. And Dru...she sort of took a liking to me. I reminded her of her sister.”

“Cassie.”

“Yeah. So Dru decided she wanted me over for a tea party, and y’know, to kill me too, and she had Buffy go get me. And she did. And I’m like begging and pleading for Buffy to get us out of there but Buffy just smiled and ignored me. She got me dressed in like this Victorian gown and sat me down at the table and poured tea for me and made me drink it. And I’m sitting there with Dru and Spike and Buffy, having tea and playing checkers with Dru.”

“Okay, Dru’s a fruit loop? But Spike doesn’t sound like the tea drinking type. Sounds more like the type who would’ve just killed you both right there. And wait, checkers? ”

“Cassie always played checkers with Dru. And as for Spike, he wanted to kill us, believe me. But he’s devoted to Dru, and she wanted us all to have a tea party first, and she wanted to play checkers with me, and then she would let him kill us. So we all sat there and drank tea, and I’m like crying and stuff now, and Buffy’s just smiling. I’m like, ‘So if I win at checkers will you let me go?’ Spike thought that was funny.”

“This is like, crazy. You’re havin’ tea and playin’ checkers with two big-time vamps while B’s sittin’ right there.”

“I beat Dru two out of three at checkers too. I think that kinda annoyed her. And then when the pot of tea was gone Spike’s like, ‘Right then, so can we pretty please with sugar on top kill them now, luv?’”

Faith giggled. Willow did a very good Cockney accent.

“And Dru just smiles and nods, and then I knew I was like, officially screwed?” Willow said. “My hands were free so I could play checkers and drink tea but my legs were tied to the chair and even if I wanted to fight there was nothing I could do against Spike and Dru. Back then I hadn’t even really started magic yet at all. And then Spike, because he’s an asshole? He thought it would be cool to have Buffy kill me, and he told Dru to tell Buffy to kill me. So Dru told Buffy to kill me.”

Faith took Willow’s hand.

“What...what...happened then?” Faith said.

“Spike gave Buffy a switchblade, and Dru told her to slit my throat with it. And Buffy smiled, said--I’ll never forget this--she said, ‘Sounds like a plan’, and came at me with the knife. I was screaming then, and crying too? But Buffy just kept smiling. And may I remind the court, your honor, that Buffy was in love with me? It didn’t even slow her down. I struggled, and she grabbed my wrists and broke one of them.”

“But she...she snapped out of it, right? At the last second she stopped herself and kicked their asses, right?”

Willow smiled, and stroked Faith’s hair.

“No, sweetie,” Willow said. “She tried to slit my throat. Angel saved me. If it wasn’t for him showing up in the nick of time? I’d be dead, and after she killed me, they would have killed Buffy too.”

“Jesus Christ,” Faith said.

“So do you see now, Faith? Buffy loved me, you loved her, it didn’t matter. Dru was controlling both of you. Dru’s strong, sweetie, there’s no way to break out of her control once she hypnotizes you. I know you think you should’ve been all like, Super Willpower Girl and found some way to break Dru’s hold because of like, the awesome power of your love or whatever? Or maybe ’cuz Buffy’s the wind beneath your wings?”

Faith giggled. She hugged Willow, and rested her head on her shoulder.

“But it just wasn’t possible, sweetie,” Willow said. “Buffy can resist Dru now because she’s met her a few times? And if you meet her a couple more times, you’ll be able to resist her too. But not now, not yet. The first time Dru sinks her hooks into someone she has them, and that’s that. She hypnotized me too, you know. When she gave me those memories she hypnotized me. Anyway, I’m not angry at Buffy for doing that stuff to me because it wasn’t her fault, and Buffy’s not gonna be angry at you because it wasn’t your fault. In fact, she’s not really gonna even get what the big deal is. She’s not gonna believe you made such a big deal out of this, because she knows you love her, she’s got no doubts you love her. Okay, sweetie?”

Faith nodded. “I love you, Willow,” Faith whispered. “You always...you always take care of me.”

“I love you too,” Willow said. “And I won’t stop taking care of you. Okay, sweetie?”

“You, Buffy, Tara...I love all three of you,” Faith said. “You’re all beautiful. You’re all my loves. I could’ve been happy with any one of you. Willow...if things were different? I could’ve been with you, beautiful. I could’ve been with you, and I would’ve been happy. I would’ve been happy spending my life with you...letting you take care of me, and taking care of you too.”

“Some things are meant to be,” Willow said. “Some things aren’t. Just so you know?” Willow smiled, but there were tears in her eyes now. “I’m like, like... seriously gonna cry here.”

“There’s someone out there for you, Will. I know you’re in a tough place right now, a real fragile place. With Xander and everything going on...”

“Tara too,” Willow said, and sniffled, and wiped her eyes. But she smiled again. “Boy, did I make an ass of myself there. I kinda, um...you know how I was all, fantasizing about Buffy because of your memories? Well...I kissed Tara yesterday and... and...told her I love her. And the really bad part? The part that makes me feel like a heel? She loves me. She’s loved me ever since she met, y’know, Future Me? Yeah, we’ve got confirmation on me being the time traveling witch by the way, Tara recognized me when she saw me. She met Future Me when she was a little kid and she said she’s loved me ever since. So she saw me in the parking lot last night and she recognized me and...and I called her beautiful, because she is? And then she told me she loves me and...” Tears rolled down Willow’s cheeks. “I told her I love her too. I was kinda having a rough day yesterday, with Xander and everything and...and your memories, the part of me that feels like I’m you, it just kinda took over and...”

Faith put her arms around Willow, and held her. Willow rested her head in Faith’s lap.

“I thought I loved her, I felt it, y’know?” Willow said. “The way you feel it? And we were kissing and stuff yesterday, in front of everyone, even though I just buried Xander like a few hours before, and everyone was like giving Tara weird looks and she didn’t know what was going on, she knew about Xander but she didn’t know we were a couple. Finally she made me tell her, because she knew I was hiding something? And when I told her...it...it hurt her. Embarrassed her.”

“You want me to talk to her, honey?” Faith said, and started stroking Willow’s hair. Willow liked the way it felt. She wished she could stay there.

“We talked it out? We’re okay now. She said...she said we can’t be a couple because...because that’s like, the Faith part of me that wants that? But... we’re okay now. She wants to be part of the group. Part of what we do.”

“Yeah. Buffy told me that.”

“You kinda don’t want her to, huh? You worry about her. The same way Buffy worries about me.”

“Yeah. But...it wouldn’t be right to keep you out, and it wouldn’t be right to keep Tara out either. You guys...I think you need to be trained up though. Get in shape, learn how to fight, how to use a weapon. The same thing I was telling Xander.”

Willow turned over in Faith’s lap, and looked up into her eyes.

“I gotta get in shape, huh? You don’t like my shape?”

“You’re a naughty auntie,” Faith said, and smiled.

Willow giggled. “Yeah. And, um...now that I’m like, thinking about it? Um...I can’t believe I like, just got completely naked in front of you. Um...I’m sorry? Sorry for freaking you out.”

“You’re a little off-balance, honey. You’re still kinda finding yourself. Xander, the world falling apart, my memories jammed in your head...you’re kinda like, reacting without thinking about stuff? You’re in a weird place right now. I’m gonna help you through it. I’m gonna always be here to help you.”

Willow turned over on her side in Faith’s lap, and put her arms around Faith’s waist.

“Wish I could go to sleep like this,” Willow said. “It’s all nice and comfy. Sure beats that chair.”

“You can if you want,” Faith said. “I don’t mind.”

Willow giggled again. “We’re all so weird? Me, you, Buffy and Tara, it’s like we’re all interconnected. Everyone’s like in love with everyone else, everyone’s gay, everyone’s bi, everyone’s seen each other naked, I’m traveling through time, I have your memories, this one wants to boink that one...”

“Which one wants to boink which one?”

“Take your pick. Just like, match any of the names randomly. I want you, you want Buffy, Buffy wants me, I want Buffy, Buffy wants you, you want Tara, Tara wants you...”

“And I want you too,” Faith said. “You forgot that one, beautiful.”

Willow yawned, and stretched. “Maybe the four of us should all just get drunk and get it on together and get it over with. Have like this big porno movie sex scene together.”

“You wanna go to sleep, honey? You wanna lie down with me?”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “But I can’t.”

She sat up, and caressed Faith’s cheek.

“I love you,” Willow said. “I told you in the house a couple days ago that it wasn’t like, the wanting to boink you kind of love? I lied. When I first met you, yeah, it wasn’t then, because even though I felt like, this huge attraction to you? I didn’t really understand what it was...I still couldn’t wrap my mind around being with a girl. Now I can. Now...I wish I could be with you, and I can’t, and that kinda really sucks? But I love you too much to hurt you, I love Buffy too much to ever hurt her either. You belong with Buffy, not me. I wish you could be mine, Faith? Baby, I’d...I’d love you so much? But...I can’t have you.” Willow looked down at her lap. “Um...and I’m pretty sure it’s because life sucks, I think.”

Faith hugged her. “If...if things were different? If I didn’t meet Buffy? I would’ve been happy with you, honey.”

Willow’s shoulders began to shake.

Willow was crying. Faith felt it.

“I’m sorry,” Willow whispered. “I don’t know...I don’t know why I’m gettin’ this way? It’s just...it just feels like...it feels like I’m saying goodbye. And I don’t wanna say goodbye baby, I don’t wanna...I don’t wanna be without you. You’re...you’re my Faith.”

Faith smiled, and wiped Willow’s tears away, as she felt her own tears starting to come.

“You’ll never be without me, Willow,” Faith whispered, and kissed her...

It was the best kiss Willow ever had.

A kiss to last a lifetime.