Seventeen

A DREAM OF ME

It was Friday afternoon and Willow had dragged Faith out of her motel room and insisted they hang out at the Starbucks and drink coffee together. Willow had been trying to hang out with her a lot lately, and she didn’t seem to want to take no for an answer. Faith had blown her off a couple of times but today it had just seemed simpler to give in.

Faith liked Willow. But she knew Willow was only doing this because she felt bad for her...she must have heard about her fight with Buffy, and she felt bad. Just like the time she’d taken Faith on a tour of Sunnydale. Willow felt bad.

She sat on a couch in the Starbucks with Willow, and looked around at the paintings on the walls that were cooler than they had any right to be, hanging in a Starbucks. She watched the college kids sitting around on couches drinking coffee and gazing lovingly into their laptops, and the old people reading newspapers and eating pastries at the little tables. Willow had brought her to the Starbucks a couple of times before; it was sort of their place now. Some kind of adult contemporary pseudo-alternative music was being piped in; it was a step above elevator music but in its blandness and its effort to blend into the background and not draw any attention to itself it stood out from the other noises, the conversations and the little computer sounds and the sounds of spoons and coffee mugs, and grated on Faith’s nerves.

Willow drank her extra-large super mocha cappuccino with lots of sugar and cocoa sprinkles, and she had her laptop with her, as always. Faith drank her medium hot cocoa and she had six dollars in her pocket.

She didn’t have the slightest idea what she was doing there. Maybe Willow wanted to make her watch her do homework.

“How you been, sweetie?” Willow said. “I miss hanging with you. It’s hard like, prying you away from Buffy long enough to hang. You puttin’ the fear into all the Big Bads?”

Willow always initiated the conversations. It wasn’t that Faith didn’t like her. She just never had any idea what to say to her. She was dumb and Willow was smart. What do you say to a smart girl? How’s math been treating you?

“Yeah, y’know, I’m showin’ all the bad guys the pimp hand, best I can,” Faith said. Faith tried to keep her responses as varied and interesting as she could. She didn’t want Willow to think she was bored. She liked Willow. She liked her strawberry scent. She liked how Willow’s voice was goofy and soothing at the same time, and how she laughed too loud. She liked the weird sweaters she wore, and the funky hats. She had blown her off before but now she felt guilty about it.

“How are you and Buffy doing?” Willow said.

Faith hadn’t seen or heard from Buffy in three days.

“B and me, we’re cool,” Faith said. “We do our thing.”

It was probably better this way, Faith thought. Probably better that Buffy had given up on her.

The next morning there was a knock at the door. Faith stretched and yawned, and squinted at the window; she didn’t have a clock but it looked early. She tuned into her nose. She smelled Buffy. And chicken?

She plodded to the door. She’d been out until three in the morning, slaying and stealing. She’d swiped some clothes from the mall, but unfortunately none of the vampires she’d mugged had any cash on them. She was down to three dollars.

When she opened the door a blast of cold air hit her. The look on Buffy’s face wasn’t doing anything to warm it up. Buffy brushed by her into the room and Faith quickly shut the door behind her. Buffy was wearing a sweater and tight jeans that fit perfectly and the usual expertly applied makeup. She was carrying a big plate of chicken with tinfoil on it. She set the plate on the bureau.

“What’s goin’ on?” Faith said, yawning.

“I brought you some food,” Buffy said. “Chicken. You liked my Mom’s chicken last time.”

“What? Why?”

“I don’t want you to not have food.”

“I got food.”

“I got an idea,” Buffy said, and sat on the bed and took off her coat. Faith thought it was a hell of a coat; it was a red hooded angora coat that fit Buffy perfectly and went nicely with her long blonde hair and Buffy looked great in it. “How about you stop lying to me. Makes things simpler.”

“Thanks for the food but...I’m okay, Buffy,” Faith said. “I don’t need it.”

“My Mom wants you over for dinner again,” Buffy said, looking away from her. “I know you hate me now but she wanted me to invite you, she wants to know why you haven’t been over all week.”

“What?” Faith said. “What the hell makes you think I hate you? Where the hell did you get that idea?”

Buffy still wouldn’t look at her.

“Will you come over for dinner?” Buffy said. “My Mom wants you to come over tonight, if you’re not busy. You don’t have to hang out with me. You can just eat and leave if you want.”

“I...can’t make it tonight, Faith said. “Raincheck, okay?”

Buffy didn’t look at her. She looked at the painting on the wall.

“That thing will make you dizzy,” Faith said.

Faith sat next to her on the bed.

“Buffy,” Faith said, and took her hand. “I don’t know where you’re getting this from, okay? I don’t hate you.”

Buffy pulled her hand away.

“Will you eat the chicken?” Buffy said.

“I don’t need it,” Faith said.

Buffy sat motionless on the bed, looking away from her.

Faith’s plan was to ignore Buffy, to make it easier to lose her when she graduated from school. Faith was realizing she couldn’t stick to that plan.

She knew Buffy had lied to her. She knew Buffy was planning on leaving her. Faith guessed maybe she was Buffy’s fling before college. She thought the guy she saw Buffy kissing was the one-time guy, the guy Buffy had talked about...and that Buffy still loved him, and always would, and that was that.

But Faith still couldn’t stick to her plan.

“You want to eat it with me?” Faith said. “We can eat together.”

“Okay,” Buffy said.

“How about I come over for dinner tomorrow night?” Faith said. “Is Joyce good with tomorrow night?”

“Okay,” Buffy said. And finally looked at her. Faith thought she looked tired. She looked like she hadn’t been sleeping. But she was still beautiful.

It would be hard from now on, Faith knew; a balancing act. She had hurt Buffy, by pulling away. Faith knew she’d have to let Buffy in again, at least a little...no matter how much it would hurt when Buffy eventually left her after graduation, she had to let her back in. She couldn’t let Buffy think she hated her.

Faith brought the plate of chicken back to the bed, and brought the last two Cokes in from the bathroom, and they ate together in silence.

A week later it was Saturday night and it was Halloween, and Faith sat with Buffy and Willow and Xander in the Bronze, and tried to be part of the group. According to Buffy, vampires took Halloween off so there was no reason to bother patrolling. Vampires apparently considered going out on Halloween tacky. Xander was dressed as James Bond. “Just in case,” he had said. Willow was wearing a catsuit. “And I look so much better than Cordelia in it,” she had said. Faith had to agree. She’d met Cordelia after they had killed Kakistos, and Cordelia was hot enough, but as far as Faith was concerned Willow was rocking that catsuit.

Fuck, Faith thought.

Buffy wore jeans and a sweater. Faith wore jeans and a blouse.

“Yeah, so there I am, wearing, no lie, a bikini and flip-flops, and I’m chasing this vampire for like six miles through Boston, into Cambridge and Watertown,” Faith said, chuckling. “And it’s summer, right? It’s summer and it’s a Saturday night and people are out on the streets pointing at me, drunk guys are like ‘take it off, honey!’ and ‘do I get fries with that shake?’ and I remember thinking to myself as I’m chasing this vamp for six miles in a frigging bikini, God damn it, does that girl in California ever have to deal with shit like this?”

They laughed. “No,” Buffy said. “But you’d be surprised at what I do have to deal with.” Faith smiled. She liked when she could make Buffy laugh.

“Um...where’d you keep your stake?” Willow said. “I mean, you were wearing a bikini.”

Buffy ignored the image that came into her head just then. She knew she couldn’t have Faith that way again...Faith didn’t want her that way anymore. So she tried not to think about her that way. But Faith was so beautiful...and it was hard, sometimes...

“Had a little handbag thing with me,” Faith said.

“Faith has the coolest stories ever,” Xander said. “Why doesn’t Buffy have stories like that?”

“You want me to wear a bikini when I go on patrols?” Buffy said.

“Is there any answer that doesn’t get me in trouble?” Xander said.

“Nope,” Willow said. “Trust me, Xander, it’s a trap. Like that time she asked you if she looked fat.”

“I have no comment at this time,” Xander said.

Faith thought the Bronze was still a dump. But Faith had nothing against dumps: The Roxy wasn’t winning any awards either. And the dance floor was still serviceable. Crazy, laughing kids in Halloween costumes were dancing to Monster Mash now. The music tonight was a snooze; a bunch of corny Halloween songs that you couldn’t really dance to was being piped through the speakers. It didn’t stop the Sunnydale kids from dancing though. Those kids could dance to anything. Folk music, corny Halloween music...Faith just didn’t get these people. Faith wanted a DJ spinning good, fast tunes. One DJ in particular.

But he was gone, now.

So she sat on the plush couch with Buffy and Willow and Xander, and tried to be part of the group...and tried not to think of Evan...and tried not to think of Buffy, leaving her.

Buffy didn’t sit next to her. Willow sat next to her. Buffy sat at the opposite end of the couch, next to Xander.

“So how do you like Sunnydale, Faith?” Willow said, as the conversation hit a wall. Faith only had so many stories to tell. Willow was always the one who tried to keep the conversation going, who tried to keep Faith involved. Faith knew part of it was gratitude; she’d saved the girl’s life, after all, so Willow kept trying, despite their differences. Faith had been in Sunnydale a little more than a month now, and she had come to realize there were a lot of differences. Willow was sweet, and kind, and most of all, smart. Honor roll every semester, all kinds of options waiting after graduation. Harvard had already accepted her, Oxford had recruited her. Faith had dropped out of school after ninth grade, she lived in a motel that might as well have been a brothel and she knew the closest she’d ever get to college was that time she broke into UC Sunnydale and stole a sword. Willow was smart. Faith was dumb. And Willow felt bad for her.

Willow had made a real effort to talk to her, to try to get to know her. She had been coming by Faith’s motel all week, asking to come along when she patrolled, inviting her to the Starbucks, and asking her about Boston and Rebecca and what it was like to be a Slayer. Willow kept pretending to like her, kept trying to include her. Faith had decided it would be easier to just play along until Willow got bored. She blew her off when she could get away with it and hung out with her when she couldn’t come up with an excuse not to. Faith was a dumb girl with no money, no friends and no family, so she knew for now she was Willow’s charity project. Adopt a Slayer. She figured Willow would give up eventually. She and Buffy would be graduating next year, they had college coming up, plans to make...lives to get ready for. Faith figured they’d try to hang out with her off and on until graduation, then they’d leave, move away, and they’d all lose touch, and Faith would be the Slayer guarding the Hellmouth, maybe with Giles as her Watcher, and Buffy would be gone...

Faith knew Willow was just hanging with her because she felt bad, but trying to figure Buffy out gave Faith a headache. She knew Buffy was leaving after graduation and instead of banging her head against a wall she’d finally decided to just try to enjoy the time they had left. But Xander was easy to figure, at least. He wanted her around so he could try to get into her pants; what else could it be? That’s all guys ever thought she was good for anyway. She’d caught him checking her out a few times, though he was being slick about it. And there was no other good explanation for why a guy would want to hang with her. He still hadn’t asked her out. She wondered when he would.

Faith didn’t fit with Buffy and Willow and Xander, with their families and their nice houses; with homework and hanging out at the mall and planning for college. She knew she didn’t fit.

Faith took a sip of the Coke she’d been nursing all night because she only had enough money for one. It was down to watery ice cubes now.

“You’ve had a month to get used to it now...if anyone ever does,” Willow continued, sipping her ever-present mocha cappuccino. “Is Buffy showing you all the coolest old crypts? She’s not hogging all the A-list Big Bads, is she?”

“You haven’t had the entire Sunnydale experience until you’ve met your first giant snake,” Xander said.

“I’m all set with giant snakes, thanks,” Willow said. “Too many snakes.”

“Never saw a giant snake you liked, huh?” Xander said. Buffy smiled.

“Maybe not a giant snake,” Willow said. “There was this medium-sized snake that wasn’t so bad.”

“Sunnydale’s a trip,” Faith said. “I’m acclimating.”

“Don’t worry, you never know when we’ll get another giant snake,” Buffy said. “You’ll get the full ride eventually. Things don’t really heat up around here until spring anyway. For some reason, around April and May is when the Hellmouth always decides to really get jiggy with it.”

“So Faith, we know where Willow stands on giant snakes,” Xander said. “What’s your official position?” He grinned. “Ow,” he added, as Willow did something to him under the table.

Faith had to give Xander points for trying. “Wanna know what I think about big, long snakey things, huh?” she said, and grinned back at him.

“She loves them,” Buffy said. “And so do I. We both love big, long, hard snakey things. They’re just the greatest.”

Faith laughed. “Hell, longer the better, right, B?” she said.

“Absolutely,” Buffy said. “But hey, I hear medium’s great too,” she added, smiling at Xander.

“So Faith, what’s Boston like?” Willow said, blushing a little, and quickly changing the subject. It was about the fifth time one of them had asked her. It was the kind of question you asked a stranger, when you didn’t know what else to say.

“Cold. Different. Less weird,” Faith said.

“Baked beans too,” Buffy said.

“Do they all talk like you?” Xander said.

“Like me?” Faith said. “Like me how?”

“Your accent,” Buffy said. “You’re like the lost Kennedy. You’re all, ‘I, ah, would like to, ah, propose that we pahk the cah in Hahvahd yahd, and, ah, furthermawh, ich bin ein Berlinah!’,” Buffy said, as Willow and Xander laughed.

“Shit, I really talk like that?” Faith said.

“There’s this letter,” Xander said. “It comes between ‘Q’ and ‘S’. You should try it out sometime, see how you like it.”

“Shit,” Faith said, and chuckled into her glass.

It was a good little run, but then the conversation hit another wall.

“Uh, yeah, so uh, I should take off,” Faith said.

“Really? But...it’s early,” Willow said.

“Yeah I know, but I’m sorta learning my way around,” Faith said. “Introducing myself to the vamps. Y’know, like, ‘Hey, vamps and vampettes, name’s Faith, I’ll be your Slayer for this evening.’”

“Want me to tag along?” Buffy said. She knew what the answer would be.

“I got it, B,” Faith said. “You guys take it easy, I’ll check you later.”

And then she was gone.

“She doesn’t like us,” Xander said.

“What?” Willow said. “What do you mean she doesn’t like us? She likes us. Of course she likes us. Who wouldn’t like us?”

“Will, whenever she’s with us she says about six words and takes off early,” Xander said. “Either she doesn’t like us or I really need to change my deodorant, and no, we will not be making ‘Xander is smelly’ jokes now.”

Buffy thought back to the day she and Faith first met. They had started at each other’s throats, almost coming to blows; they had ended in bed together, having sex so passionately that for much of the act, neither of them was quite sure if they were fucking or fighting. All in a day.

She thought about how Faith always made her laugh.

“Maybe she’s just shy,” Willow said. “She’s been through some stuff, with her Watcher and everything, and now she’s all the way on the other side of the country. Maybe she just needs time to get used to us.”

“You wanna weigh in on this, Buff?” Xander said.

“It’s not you guys,” Buffy said. “She likes you guys. It’s me. She doesn’t want to be here with me. I think...she might leave. Maybe she needs to leave, find her own place, her own territory.”

“What? Leave?” Willow said. “You want her to leave?”

Buffy thought about it. She thought about what her life was like, before she met Faith...how much simpler it was.

But she had laughed less, too.

“No,” Buffy said.

“How have you been honey?,” Joyce said, as she served them dinner. Beef stew. “I hear Buffy and Xander have been making fun of your accent.”

It was Thursday. Dinner at Buffy’s house had turned into a regular thing again, and Faith was expected to show up, at least twice a week. Faith hadn’t been able to come up with an excuse to get out of it tonight, so she sat at the kitchen table with Buffy, and smiled politely at Joyce. She’d blown Buffy’s friends off as often as she could get away with, but there were some lines she knew she couldn’t cross with Buffy; being rude to Joyce was one of them. On days she didn’t come over for dinner, Faith always found a homemade meal waiting for her in her motel room. Faith usually slept with the window open, so Buffy came in through the window in the mornings before Faith woke up, and left a plate of food.

“People from Boston talk like the Mayor on the Simpsons,” Buffy said. “Someone needs to make fun of them.”

“Your accent is charming, Faith,” Joyce said, and patted Faith’s hand. “Don’t you ever lose it.”

“Don’t you mean ‘chaaahming’?” Buffy said.

“Y’know, you guys got accents too,” Faith said.

“Yeah, correct ones,” Buffy said. “But it’s cool, it’s like hanging with a foreign exchange student. Um, but one who isn’t really a Mummy.”

“You fought a Mummy?” Faith said.

“Buffy, remember our rule,” Joyce said.

“Oh yeah,” Buffy said. “Mom doesn’t like Slayer talk at the table.”

“It’s just that it seems to be all you ever talk about,” Joyce said. “It’s good to have a little time every day when you don’t.”

“So to wrap up the Mummy story real quick, weird foreign exchange girl lived with us for a week, turned out to be an Incan Mummy, dated Xander, tried to kill us all, I kicked her butt,” Buffy said.

“Xander dated a Mummy?” Faith said.

“She was pretty enough before she decided to kill everyone,” Buffy said. “Xander was always a weird girl magnet. Demon girls, Mummy girls, giant praying mantis girls, yup, they all wanted to get busy with Xander.”

When they were finished eating, before Faith could come up with a reason to take off, Buffy said, “Mom, Faith and I are gonna go up to my room and hang out.” Faith noticed something strange in the look Buffy and Joyce exchanged.

“Sure, honey,” Joyce said. “There’s ice cream in the fridge if you both want dessert later.”

“Come on, Faith,” Buffy said, as they excused themselves and Faith thanked Joyce for the dinner. “I’ll show you my Brad Pitt scrapbook.”

When they got to her room Buffy closed the door and said, “Relax, Faith. I’m not gonna try to kiss you, okay?”

“Okay,” Faith said, and sat on the bed. Buffy sat next to her.

“Faith...I want to talk to you,” Buffy said.

“Shoot,” Faith said. She wondered what it was going to be now. It seemed like every other day there was another left turn in her life. Losing Rebecca and Evan. Coming to Sunnydale. Killing Kakistos. Having sex with Buffy. Kissing Buffy, going on dates with her. Realizing she liked girls. Realizing she thought Willow was hot too. Trying to figure out if she was gay now. Wondering what the hell to do about Buffy...wondering how she would live without her.

She knew she would have to, eventually. She knew Buffy was leaving her to go away to school next year. And then she would be alone again.

“I don’t want you to leave,” Buffy said.

“What makes you think I’m leaving?” Faith said.

“I’m not stupid, Faith. I can see how uptight you are...how awkward this all is for you. I get that. And okay, I get that you don’t want us to be...whatever. It’s fine. I’ll deal. But you’re staying in that motel and it’s...look, I want you to stay here with me. I talked to my Mom about it, we’ve got the extra bedroom that we’ve never done anything with, and we want you to stay here. This isn’t like, I’m saying things have to go back to how they were between us. You don’t want that and I get it. It’s just...we’ve got the room here and...

Faith would have loved to stay there, in that big house with her own bedroom on the sunny, tree-lined street. It would be like having a sister.

But the offer was charity. Just like whenever Willow asked her to come hang out with her...Faith knew it was charity.

And she didn’t think she could stand to be in that house with Buffy, and know she couldn’t really have her...she thought it might kill her, after awhile.

“Hey, uh...thanks, but...” Faith started to say, getting up.

“Faith, listen,” Buffy interrupted, and stood up with her. Faith could tell Buffy had rehearsed this; she’d been ready for Faith to turn her down and she wasn’t done with the hard sell yet. Faith braced herself for it. “You save people’s lives and you’re in that lousy little motel room and it’s not right, you deserve better than that. God knows how you’re even supporting yourself, and...”
“God knows? Why, what do you think I’m doing to support myself? Think I’m hooking or something?”

Faith had no idea why she said that. But it was out there and she knew she couldn’t take it back now.

She thought about the alley, where Rebecca had found her. She still remembered how it smelled. Old coffee grounds and rotten meat and bananas.

“What?!” Buffy shouted. “Of course not! How could you even think that? I was just saying that you--”

“That I’m poor, right?” Faith said. “That you feel bad for me. Like those little kids on TV. For just thirty cents a day we’ll make sure this poor, hungry Boston girl can get a good meal.”

Buffy’s face went crimson. She’d offended Faith, and she felt bad about it. At the same time she wanted to kick her through a wall.

“I don’t need your charity, Buffy,” Faith said, and headed for the door.

“Hold it!” Buffy shouted, and grabbed Faith and spun her around.

“You don’t get to do that!” Buffy screamed, jabbing her finger in Faith’s face. “You don’t get to take this and...and throw it back in my face like this! You don’t get to throw this back in my Mom’s face! She asked you into her home! Because she likes you! Yeah, okay, we want to help you out! What’s so frigging wrong with that? You think I care that you don’t have money? That it makes me think less of you? I don’t have money either! My Mom has money! You and I are seventeen! We don’t get to decide who are parents are or how much money they have! So okay, fine! Your family didn’t have money! So what?”

“You done?” Faith said.

Buffy caught her breath. She wondered what her mother must be thinking downstairs.

“You know what, Faith?” Buffy said. “I’ve tried. Willow’s tried, Xander’s tried, Giles has tried. We’re trying to include you, trying to help you out. And yeah, sure, part of it’s that we feel bad for you. You’re a Slayer and you don’t have anywhere decent to live and you lost your Watcher and your mother used to hurt you, and it’s not fair.”

It was Faith’s turn to blush now.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “I know about your mother, about what she did. The Watchers knew about it, so Giles knew. You always wondered why I wouldn’t spank that little ass of yours, right? You remember, back before you got bored with me and decided to move on? Now you know.”

“Fuck this,” Faith said, her voice unsteady, on the verge of tears. She marched to the door.

Buffy beat her to it, and slammed the door shut as Faith opened it.

“Faith,” Buffy said, her voice very steady. “Unless you want to fight me for real, right here and right now, you’re gonna stand there and listen to what I have to say. You’re not walking out that door until I’m done. And if you try I swear to God I’ll kick your ass from one end of this fucking town to the other and you’ll find out once and for all which one of us is tougher.”

“Might be good for us to find that out,” Faith said, looking back at her, and not giving an inch. “Once and for all.”

“You won’t like the answer,” Buffy said. “Now shut up and listen.”

“All right, B. Have your say.”

Buffy walked away from her. “We’ve tried,” she said. “Yeah, okay, partly because we feel bad. But that’s not all it is. I was wrong about you that first night in the cemetery, but only partly wrong. You’re not stupid. But you’re arrogant. You’re so wrapped up in yourself you can’t fucking see straight.”

Buffy turned to her. But Buffy was looking at her in a way Faith had never seen before. Like she was letting her go.

“You think we’re trying and trying, and putting up with your shit, with your moods and your constantly blowing us off, because we feel bad for you?” Buffy said. “Willow and Xander, you think they invite you out because they feel bad for you? Like they look for people less fortunate than themselves to hang around with? They’ve got better things to do. Me? Giles? I’m the Slayer and he’s my Watcher. We save lives. We’ve got better things to do than feel bad for you. Do you really think we spend all day worrying about you and whether or not you’re depressed this week? Okay, yeah, you’re a Slayer. That and a buck buys you a mocha cappuccino in this town. But there’s just gonna be another one after you, so if you go south, we’ll get over it. News flash: you’re not on our minds all day. We don’t spend our days thinking up creative new ways to be nice to you. Because you’re just not that important. So if you want to live in that motel and steal to get by, or whatever it is you’re doing now? Fine. Go ahead. At least you’ll have your pride, right? Your pride, and no friends.”

Buffy turned away from her, and looked out the window.

“You know why we all kept trying to include you?” Buffy said. “The real reason why? My Mom, Willow, all of us? Not because we’re all scrambling around trying to fix your life. It’s because we were stupid enough to like you, and to think you liked us back. That’s it. No big conspiracy. I thought...I thought you liked me. But you obviously don’t. You never want to be with us, you never want to be with me anymore. You’ve got better things to do too, I guess. So hey, congratulations, Faith. We get the message. We give up.”

She turned and looked at Faith, and if Faith could have taken back everything she had said, she would have, when she saw that look in Buffy’s eyes...when she saw the hurt she knew she had caused.

“If you don’t want to be here then maybe you should go back to Boston, Faith,” Buffy said.

She turned back to the window, and didn’t look at Faith again.

“I thought Faith was supposed to be with you?” Giles said, the next day, when he answered the door and saw Buffy standing there.

“So did I,” Buffy said, following him into the house. She walked into the living room and sat on the couch. “Didn’t work out that way.”

“I see,” Giles said. “Would you like something to eat? I have some more of those tea cookies I know you don’t like.”

“That’s okay,” Buffy said.

Giles went into the kitchen and came back with a pot of tea and three cups on a tray. He poured tea for himself and Buffy.

“I made the kind you like,” Giles said. “With a dash of honey.”

“Thanks,” Buffy said, as he handed her a cup. “Why three cups?”

“Perhaps Faith will arrive after all. Terribly unfair to begrudge her some of my excellent tea.”

“Terribly,” Buffy said, and sipped her tea. “But something tells me she won’t be coming, Giles.”

“What happened between you two?”

“Faith happened. What else is new? She just doesn’t want to be here, Giles. She doesn’t want to be with me. Maybe Boston’s really the best place for her. Maybe...two Slayers together...”

“This town isn’t big enough for the both of you, hmm? You really are distressingly American at times.”

“You’ve tried to talk to her, you know how she is. Don’t tell me she’s not a pain in your ass too.”
“Oh yes, very much so. In fact she reminds me of another Slayer I know. I met her a little over a year and a half ago, as I recall...an appallingly disrespectful girl. Called me ‘a textbook with arms’, I believe.”

Buffy smiled.

“And whenever I politely broached the subject of perhaps doing a bit of training or reading up in the Watchers Chronicles she always told me she had better things to do,” he continued, sipping his tea, his blue eyes twinkling as he regarded her over the cup.

“She sounds like a real lost cause,” Buffy said. “If I were you I would’ve told her to hit the bricks.”

“I won’t say I wasn’t tempted,” Giles said. “I tried my best with her, but when I offered her my counsel, the benefit of my years of experience...”

“Your years and years and years of experience...” Buffy said.

“She rebuffed me, every time,” Giles said. “She wanted to do everything alone, much like Faith. Wouldn’t even let me come on patrol with her. I actually had to follow her when she was on patrol, trying to stay hidden lest she cut me out of her life altogether. Yes, that one was definitely a pain in my arse.”

“I saw you, you can’t hide from a Slayer,” Buffy said, and grinned. “I thought it was cute that you were following me, so I let you. This old English guy, huffing and puffing behind me...”

“I beg your pardon?” Giles said.

“This not so old, still very young and vigorous, English guy huffing and puffing behind me, trying to keep up with me...it was cute. So I let you. And we got it together, right? I even do training stuff now...sometimes.”

“Oh yes, you’re the ideal Slayer now,” Giles said, rolling his eyes.

“We met each other halfway, right?” Buffy said.

“Yes, Buffy. Yes, we did.”

“Faith won’t, Giles.”

“Buffy, I don’t know what happened between you and Faith, and I’m certain you’re not going to tell me. But I’ve found, in all my years and years and years on this Earth...that sometimes, people can surprise you.”

The doorbell rang.

“It’s not her,” Buffy said, looking back at the door. “It’s probably Xander. He hates when I do Slayer stuff without clueing him in.”

Buffy tuned in to her nose.

It was Faith.

“Remember what I told you the cardinal rule of being a Slayer is,” Giles said, and got up and opened the door.

“Hey,” Faith said. “Sorry I’m late.”

“Your Watcher is always right,” Buffy muttered.

“Well, if it isn’t the prodigal Slayer,” Giles said. “Come in.”

“Bite your tongue, G-Man,” Faith said. “I never went away.” She followed him to the living room, looking past him, at Buffy. Buffy’s face was red.

Faith looked toward the leather recliner. Giles beat her to it and sat down.

“Have a seat on the couch, Faith,” Giles said. “It’s big enough for the both of you.” Buffy glared at him, and moved to the opposite end of the couch as Faith sat down.

“I made tea,” Giles said, and poured Faith a cup.

“Uh...okay, thanks,” Faith said, and took it.

“I have some tea cookies too, if you’d like,” Giles said. “They’re really quite dreadful.”

“Uh...that’s okay,” Faith said, and sipped her tea. She stole a quick glance at Buffy. Buffy was looking straight ahead, straight at Giles.

“How have you been, Faith?” Giles said.

“Can’t complain,” Faith said, avoiding his eyes.

“Can’t you?” Giles said.

Usually people didn’t say anything after you said ‘can’t complain’. Faith didn’t have a comeback ready. “Uh...no,” Faith said. “Everything’s good.”

“We’re going to have to talk about that, Faith. About your plans, and what you see yourself doing. But not tonight. Tonight, I have a mission for the two of you. I was very impressed by the way you worked together to defeat Kakistos and his men, especially now that I’ve done more research and I know how formidable he was. You may not want to admit it,” Giles said, looking at Buffy, “but you two make an excellent team. You’ll need to work as a team again tonight.”

“Uh-huh,” Faith said.

Buffy didn’t say anything.

“Zombies,” Faith said, as she walked through the cemetery that night with Buffy, each of them carrying a katana. It was a small cemetery, about the size of a schoolyard, with a broken gate, only two crypts, both in disrepair, and a few dozen tombstones. The lawn was weed-grown, and there were beer bottles and cigarette butts scattered around. “Never did zombies before.”

Buffy walked ahead of her, not looking at her, not responding to her.

“You gonna give me the silent treatment forever or what?” Faith said.

Buffy finally stopped, and looked at her. “What’s there to talk about?” she said. “We said everything there is to say.”

“B...” Faith said, and sat on a tombstone, and looked down at the weeds. “You were right. You were trying to help me out and I threw it in your face. I’m sorry. You want me out of your town? Say the word, I’ll leave in the morning.”

Buffy looked at her, sitting there, alone.

It would be so much easier just to let her go...

Buffy sat on the tombstone next to her.

“My Mom told me you apologized to her on your way out last night,” Buffy said.

“It was nice of her...always having me over, offering to let me stay,” Faith said. “She’s a nice lady.”

“Yeah, she is,” Buffy said. “In an always worrying kind of way. Like Carol Brady on speed.”

“I just...don’t know if I fit, B. I don’t know if there’s anywhere I fit. I had this good thing in Boston, with Becca, y’know? I had it real good, and then it all fell apart. I...I fucked it all up,” Faith said, looking down at the weeds again. “I couldn’t stop Kakistos and Becca died and it all fell apart. I fucked it all up.”

“Faith,” Buffy said. “First rule of being a Slayer. It’s not ‘Your Watcher is always right’, which is what Giles will try to tell you it is. That’s maybe the second rule. The first rule is, don’t die.”

The connection was there again. Buffy could feel it, again.

“You did the right thing, Faith,” Buffy said. “You didn’t die.”

“Doesn’t feel like the right thing,” Faith said. “There should be a rule that says, ‘Don’t let your Watcher die.’”

“Faith, it wasn’t your fault,” Buffy said.

Faith looked down at the weeds.

A corpse suddenly shambled out of one of the crypts, moving toward them, but very slowly. Another followed after it, and then two more.

“So those are zombies, huh?” Faith said.

“Yup,” Buffy said. “Thar be zombies.”

“Anything you can tell me before we jump in?”

“They’re pretty much like in the movies. Beheading them works. Although Giles says the ones in the movies should be called ghouls, since real zombies don’t actually eat people and they don’t spread like an infection like in the movies. Real zombies are either living people or reanimated corpses that are being controlled by someone else and don’t have minds of their own. Like cheerleaders. But not as bitchy.”

The zombies still hadn’t reached them yet. Buffy and Faith watched them, and waited.

“These look like the corpse variety,” Faith said. “They’re pretty damn slow. How come Giles thinks this is gonna take two of us?”

“Because zombies are tough and they don’t feel pain,” Buffy said. “Kick them all day and they’ll just stand there and giggle. And they hit you once and trust me, you’ll feel it. The only way to stop them is beheading. Plus they work as a team, ganging up, trying to surround you. Think of them as all one mind, the mind of whoever’s controlling them. And they’re like roaches too. Where there’s one, there’s a hundred. Those crypts are probably crawling with them.”

“And on top of that, we gotta find the doohickey Giles said was controlling them,” Faith said. “The Enchanted Pendant of Whatever.”

“And who knows where that’s gonna be,” Buffy said. “Somewhere gross and icky, probably.”

“And the guy controlling the zombies is actually the ghost of some thousand year old wizard who’s trapped in a hell dimension. Which is really weird, but hey, whatever, I’m dealing.”

“Remember what Giles said, the Pendant thingy’s his link to this dimension. We destroy it, the zombies all go poof and the wizard can’t bother anyone again.”

The zombies were ten feet away now. Buffy and Faith stood up, and held their swords ready.

“Zombies. Enchanted bling. Thousand-year old wizards,” Faith said. “I remember when I used to think vamps were weird.”

“Welcome to Sunnydale,” Buffy said.

“That mean you want me to stay?” Faith said.

“Sure,” Buffy said, beheading the nearest zombie. “I like fighting.”

That night, Faith sat in one of the rickety chairs in her motel room, and read Rebecca’s letter again.

Giles had given it to her, after she and Buffy had killed Kakistos. It was the only thing Faith had left of Rebecca now.

Faith is a constant surprise to me, and a treasure, Rebecca had written, on her own fancy stationery with her name at the top that Faith had seen her use sometimes, in her elegant, flowing longhand.

...As a Slayer she has surpassed my every expectation, but it is as a young woman that she is truly special. Faith has lived a hard life, as you know from the Watchers Council records, but she has a generous, noble spirit...

...I won’t lie to you, Mr. Giles; Faith is very important to me. I have grown extremely fond of her; I have come to see her as a daughter. And I protect her, as any mother would. Do you know I still go out with her on every patrol? Faith certainly doesn’t need me out there hovering over her; she’s absolutely lethal. But I just can’t bear to let her go out there alone. I worry. It’s terrible, I’m like some ridiculous old mother hen...

Faith smiled, like she always did, when she got to that part.

...I have found myself reluctant until now to bring Faith to Sunnydale, with its Hellmouth and its myriad dangers. But Faith is very curious about Buffy, and she has mentioned to me on more than one occasion that she wants to meet her. And I have found that it is impossible for me to refuse Faith, when she wants something. Therefore, when it’s convenient for you and Buffy, I’d like to bring Faith to Sunnydale for an extended visit. Faith likes to see new places, and I’ve already mentioned to her that I believe it’s time that she and Buffy start coordinating their efforts...

...And from what you’ve told me about Buffy, I believe she and Faith will become fast friends...

Faith carefully re-folded the letter, and put it back in the drawer.

You did the right thing, Faith. You didn’t die.

Afterwards, lying awake in bed, Faith remembered Buffy’s words, but she wasn’t sure if Buffy was right. She thought maybe she had died after all, somewhere back in Boston...that the fall from the Prudential building really had killed her...that she had died with Rebecca.

She had been driven from her territory and she could never go back. Even with Kakistos gone, she was convinced now that the burden of being a Slayer couldn’t be shared with anyone else. She knew if she went back to Boston she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from going to see Evan...and she couldn’t risk him ever being endangered again.

She lied a lot; she lied to Giles when he asked her questions about herself, and she made up excuses to get out of hanging with Buffy and Willow and Xander, and she never talked about Rebecca, or Evan.

Buffy had it pretty good, with her Mom and her nice house and her Watcher and her friends. Faith knew she didn’t fit...

She knew Buffy would be leaving her soon.

She stole to get by, and she had started swearing again, and she ate fast food, and she didn’t take piano lessons or go to museums or read books.

She didn’t have territory anymore. No matter how many vampires Faith killed in Sunnydale, nothing would change the fact that Sunnydale was Buffy’s territory. Faith wasn’t the Slayer. Buffy was.

She looked over at the bureau. There was a plate of ham there. Buffy had snuck into the room and left it sometime that morning, while Faith slept. When Faith woke up it was there waiting for her. There were cookies too, in a folded-up napkin; Buffy knew Faith liked her Mom’s homemade chocolate chip cookies, so Buffy always tried to include some, when she brought Faith food.

Faith got up and brought the plate of ham and mashed potatoes and corn and the napkin full of chocolate chip cookies to her bed.

Buffy knew Faith didn’t like it when the mashed potatoes and the corn and the meat all got mixed together, so she carefully kept them separate whenever she made up a plate for Faith. The ham and the mashed potatoes and the corn were neatly segregated in their separate areas of the big plate.

Faith had supper.

The days passed, and Faith sat in her motel room, and looked out the window, and watched the little television, and ate the food Buffy brought her.

And Faith wondered if she had died after all...

...Or if she was just now waking up, and her life with Rebecca had been only a dream.