Nineteen

COLD HEART

“It’s me,” Buffy said into the phone. She plopped down on the couch in the living room, kicked off her shoes, and put her feet up on the coffee table. The house felt different, without her mother there. It was strange, coming home late without her mother rushing downstairs in her nightgown to greet her, trying to pretend Buffy had just woken her up when it was obvious she’d been up all night worrying, and asking where Buffy had been and if she was okay, and if she wanted her to make some cocoa.

Buffy looked around. The house felt too big.

“Yup, got the Key,” Buffy said. “We’re okay, bumps and bruises. But there were these new vamps I’ve never seen before, and even worse, there were like more than a hundred of them. No, Willow put up an energy shield and we were able to get the hell outta dodge. And if it wasn’t for Willow you would have been making tea for the next girl, because Faith and I would have been dead. Anyway, I’m tired, I’m just gonna sack out tonight, but I’ll bring your car back tomorrow and you can look at the Key and we can hit research mode. Giles, these vamps...they’re different. They worry me.”

“Well...they look kinda like wolves...yeah. They have like, red eyes and pointy ears and these long noses like snouts...no, they’re not werewolves, stop getting all excited. They’re definitely vamps. They smell like vamps, and besides, Faith and I managed to stake some of them and stakes work just fine. But they’re a lot tougher than regular vamps, faster and stronger. If they’re planning on hanging around I need to know everything there is to know about them and I need to know it yesterday. Oh, and they all had these tattoos on their right hand. Looked like a snake like, in a circle? And it was eating its own tail...Will said it was...wait, I know this...an ooga-booga? Maybe an ooga-booga?”

“Oh, yeah, right, that’s it, an ouroboros. Nope, sorry, there’s nothing else. They look like wolves, they’re strong and fast, ooga-booga tattoos, that’s about it. Oh, and they’re not snappy dressers. Their clothes are all like, ripped up and dirty and smelly? I think maybe K-Mart has a special outlet store where these guys are from. Can you believe one of them was actually wearing overalls with--”

“Faith? No. She’s not with me.”

Buffy lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling, and trying to sleep. It wasn’t going well.

There were little glow-in-the-dark stars covering the ceiling; Buffy had gone through an amateur scientist geek girl phase when she was eight and the little glow-in-the-dark stars always brought those days back to her. Her Dad had bought her a little telescope, and a chemistry set, and some books on dinosaurs, and the little glow-in-the-dark stars, and she and her Dad had spent an afternoon putting the stars up, in their house in L.A., getting the constellations just right...a long time ago. Before the Slayer...before he left.

When she and her Mom moved to Sunnydale, just after the divorce, Buffy had taken the glow-in-the-dark stars with her, and put them up in her new room, painstakingly getting all the constellations just right...

The stars were stupid, little-girly things. Every time Buffy looked at them she decided they needed to be taken down, and she wondered why she had never gotten around to it before. She thought about taking them down now.

She decided it could wait until tomorrow. She was tired.

She looked at the alarm clock. It was a little past one in the morning. She looked at the window. Moonlight was shining in.

Angelus had come in through that window once, when he was stalking her; he came into her house at night, and Willow’s, before Willow found a way to magically revoke his invitations. He came into their houses, and sat by their beds, and drew pictures of them as they slept…

Angelus sat by Buffy’s bed one clear, cold night much like this one, and watched her sleep, and drew her picture. Buffy knew he was there.

Buffy was the Slayer: a vampire couldn’t enter her room without her knowing. Instantly, his scent had awakened her. But she kept her eyes closed, she didn’t stir...and he drew her picture. She listened to herself breathe, and she heard the scratch of the pencil on the paper, and the wind rustling the curtains...

She had just lain there, breathing in his scent. It was a vampire’s scent... and, even before he had lost his soul, it always had the same effect on her. At first, for a second, it would raise her hackles. Her first instinct was always to kill him. The Slayer in her wanted to kill him, every time she saw him. Then that instinct would go away, and the Slayer would reluctantly retreat back to her lair, grumbling and snarling...and Buffy would emerge, and know Angel for who and what he was. The man she loved. And then he became Angelus...

She had wondered why she was doing it, that night, even as she did it: why she was just lying there for Angelus, like some helpless, wounded prey...why she was leaving herself vulnerable to him, giving him a chance to kill her.

But when it was finally over...when Angelus was gone, banished to a hell dimension, and Buffy was alone, with the photos in the shoebox...then she knew.

Before Angelus left her, he caressed her cheek. His hands were cold.

But then, his hands had always been cold...whether he was Angelus or Angel, he was a vampire, and his hands were always cold.

Buffy looked up at the glow-in-the-dark stars. She decided she definitely needed to take them down. She would definitely take them down tomorrow.

She couldn’t sleep. She looked at the glow-in-the-dark stars.

A few hours later, she got up, showered, and dressed.

She put on sexy lingerie. She knew she was being ridiculous.

She went out, got in Giles’ car, and drove to Faith’s motel.

Buffy sat in the parking lot, looking at Faith’s door. 2-B.

“What am I doing?” Buffy said.

The night was cold, and there were a lot of stars. The car was cold; the heater never had been reliable. The windshield was frosting up. Buffy drew a heart on it, with an arrow through it...or was it a stake?

She wrote Buffy and inside the heart...then she wiped the heart away.

The moon, a thin yellow crescent, hung low in the sky. Buffy looked at it. It looked like a cat’s eye.

“What am I doing?” Buffy said, again.

If the moon knew, it wasn’t telling.

Buffy got out of the car, and knocked on Faith’s door. There was no answer. She knocked again, loud. There was still no answer.

She tried the window. It was closed. It was too cold for even Faith to sleep with the window open. Buffy peeked in. A couple of the slats on the cheap blinds had broken off and through the gap they left she could see the room was empty. Faith wasn’t lying in the unmade bed. She wasn’t sitting in either of the rickety chairs. The bathroom light was off. For some reason there were about eighty cans of Coke and Sprite in a giant, carefully constructed pyramid in the corner, but Buffy wasn’t particularly fazed by that. Faith was just goofy; she always said and did goofy things Buffy didn’t understand. It was as if Faith existed at right angles to the world. Buffy had already made her peace with it.

Buffy stomped back to the car, flung the door open, got in and slammed the door behind her as hard as she dared. The car was this little French thing and a Slayer could dent it by looking at it the wrong way. And it had saved their lives tonight. She felt slightly less malice toward it than usual.

She couldn’t say the same for Faith.

Life would have been so much easier without her...

“Pain in my ass even when she’s not here,” Buffy grumbled, and decided to go home. She started the car up, got it in gear, and shut the car off.

“Fuck,” Buffy said, and reclined the seat back, and waited in the cold.

“Hey,” someone said.

Buffy opened her eyes. The sun was in them. She squinted, and saw Faith sitting next to her in her long leather coat.

Faith put her hand on her shoulder.

“You okay?” Faith said.

“What’s that smell?” Buffy said.

“Egg mcmuffins,” Faith said, and held up a big McDonald’s bag. “What are you doing out here in the car? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “I just...wanted to talk to you. You weren’t home.”

“Uh-huh,” Faith said, and looked at her. Faith hadn’t taken her hand off her shoulder.

Buffy shrugged out from under it.

“How long have you been here?” Faith said.

“Just got here a few minutes ago,” Buffy said. “Guess I’m just tired.”

“Uh-huh,” Faith said. She took her coat off, and draped it over Buffy.

“What are you doing?” Buffy said.

“It’s cold. You’re shivering,” Faith said. She felt Buffy’s forehead. “Well you’re not sick at least,” she said. She wrapped Evan’s coat tightly around Buffy, like a blanket.

“How’d you get in?” Buffy said, not looking back at her.

“Door was unlocked. Tell me you don’t have the Key with you. Tell me you didn’t bring it out with you and then fall asleep in some unlocked car.”

“I told you, I was only here a few minutes,” Buffy said. “And the Key’s at my place. I gotta go.” She started up the car, and started to take Evan’s coat off.

“Thought you wanted to talk,” Faith said.

“Forget it,” Buffy said.

“Buffy,” Faith said, and touched Buffy’s arm. “You wanna maybe...hang out a little? I got a whole mess of these mcmuffins...you hungry? We could...have breakfast together...y’know, if you want. If you don’t mind hanging out with me.”

“I never minded hanging out with you, Faith,” Buffy said, finally looking at her. “Why do you always do that? Why do you think it’s some kind of fucking chore for us all to be around you? So of course you blow us all off. Christ.”

“Sorry,” Faith said. “I’m just...I don’t know.”

“How many did you buy?” Buffy said.

“What? Mcmuffins? Eleven,” Faith said.

“Eleven?”

“The Mickey D’s has a special going on, they’re only ninety-nine cents.”

“Why eleven? Why not ten, or a dozen? Why eleven?”

“Why not? Got Coke and Sprite in the room too.”

“You just like doing goofy stuff to annoy me, don’t you?”

“A little,” Faith said, and smiled.

Buffy didn’t smile. But she didn’t frown as much as she had been either.

“I saw the big Coke pyramid through the window,” Buffy said. “Are you gonna bury a tiny little Egyptian inside there?”

“Damn, B, you’re on to me. I killed a two-inch tall Egyptian guy and I’m hidin’ the body. Just don’t tell the cops.”

“Knew it.”

“It’s cold out here, Buffy. Come on, why don’t you come inside with me.”

Buffy sat, looking straight ahead, straight into the sun.

“Please?” Faith said.

Buffy nodded, and shut the motor off.

“What time is it, anyway?” Buffy said, standing in the middle of Faith’s room and yawning, as Faith walked in with a bucket of ice. Buffy still had Faith’s coat wrapped around her. The coat smelled like Faith, but there was another scent on it too, that Buffy didn’t recognize. But she knew it was a man’s scent.

“Got me. Still real early though, the sun just came up maybe an hour ago,” Faith said, and dumped the ice out in the bathroom sink. She came back into the room, carefully pulled two cans of Coke and two cans of Sprite from the pyramid, and put them in the ice to chill. “Don’t have a clock, remember?”

“Or a maid,” Buffy said, looking at the bed.

“Sheets are just gonna get all messy again anyway,” Faith said. “I like not having to make the bed. Becca used to get on my ass about keeping my room clean. It’s nice, just kickin’ back with the messiness.” She looked around the room. “Okay, actually, it’s pretty lame. But, y’know, if it doesn’t involve just a little bit of ass-kickin’? I’m a lazy kitty.”

Faith took Buffy’s hands and started rubbing them between her own.

“What weirdness are you doing to me now?” Buffy said.

“You’re still cold, honey,” Faith said. She blew on Buffy’s hands, and rubbed them until they were warm again. “Okay, that’s better.”

“Thanks...for the coat,” Buffy said, and took Evan’s coat off. “I’m warm enough now. Where’s this go?” She looked around the room.

“I don’t know, chair, floor, wherever,” Faith said.

Buffy shook her head, found the closet, and hung up Evan’s coat. Then she started making Faith’s bed.

“What are you doing?” Faith said.

“Addressing a joint session of Congress,” Buffy said.

“You’d make a hell of a maid, B. We could maybe get you one of those sexy French maid outfits.”

“You wish.”

Buffy finished making the bed. Faith stood beside her, pulled a quarter from her pocket, and threw it at the bed. The quarter rolled around a little, and lay flat on the blanket.

“Didn’t bounce,” Faith said. “Think you better make it again.”

“I’m gonna bounce you in a minute,” Buffy said, and smiled.

“There it is,” Faith said, and grinned back at her. “Been lookin’ all over for that smile.”

Buffy and Faith sat on the bed, and ate egg mcmuffins and drank Sprites.

“These things are greasy and evil,” Buffy said. “But damn if they’re not tasty. There’s a party in my mouth.”

Faith raised her eyebrow at her.

“Um, I want that remark stricken from the record,” Buffy said.

“Stuff that’s bad for you tastes good,” Faith said. “It’s like a rule. You hear how Will’s doin’? She okay?”

“Haven’t talked to her since I dropped her off last night, but she should be fine. Will’s tough. She’s a tough undanceable British music-liking girl.”

“Then how come you don’t want her backin’ you up?”

“I never said I don’t want her.”

“Don’t have to say it, it’s all over your face. Xan Man sees it too. And I’m thinkin’ he’s not real happy about you feeling that way either.”

“I just...worry. It’s my job...okay, our job to do this stuff, not theirs. I’m supposed to protect my friends, not get them in deeper.”

“Yeah? And what if we want to protect you too?” Faith said, and squeezed Buffy’s hand.

“Giles wants to see us today,” Buffy said. “He’s planning on getting researchy and British about those vamps and the Key. Even though we have the Key we still have like a hundred of those new wolf vamp guys to worry about. I don’t think we’re out of the woods on this yet.”

“Some big damn woods. I got no idea how we’re supposed to go at those guys. There’s just too many. Unless we can figure a way to pick ’em off a few at a time I don’t know what the hell we can do.”

“Giles will figure something out. He always does. He’ll need to read a lot of old books made out of human skin and frown and bitch about computers and Americans and drink a certain amount of tea first. Plus he’ll wipe his glasses at us a lot. But he’ll come up with something we can use eventually.”

“Yeah, the G-Man’s pretty cool.”

“You still have that goofy crush on him?”

“Wasn’t a crush. Just thought, y’know, he’s cute.”

“Maybe I’ll tell him. Just to see how British he gets about it. I wonder if like, his head would explode.”

“You better not tell him.”

“I’m so gonna tell him. I’m gonna be all, ‘Hey Giles, Faith wants to get busy with you. She wants to be your strumpet. She wants to do totally improper things with you and completely be tarty.’ He’ll be all like, wiping his glasses...”
“You so better not tell him.”

“I’m totally telling him. I’m gonna tell him you wanna be his Spice Girl.”

“You tell him and it’s on like Donkey Kong.”

“What does that mean and why does everyone keep saying it?” Buffy said.

“No idea,” Faith said.

“Giles is pretty cool,” Buffy said. “I just never let him know that though.”

“I bet you think he’s cute too,” Faith said. “You’re acting all innocent about it but...”

“Okay, gross,” Buffy said, and giggled. “I can’t think of Giles that way. He’s like...he’s Giles. He’s all...I can’t think of him that way.”

“Kinda like a Dad.”

“I guess...yeah. It’s...weird and embarrassing but...I mean, ever since my Dad took off...I just...like having Giles around. I guess...he is kinda like a Dad to me. He’s there. The thing about a Dad is...they’re supposed to be there. They’re supposed to hang in. They’re not supposed to quit.”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and wondered who her father was. She had never even met him.

“Tell Giles I said any of this and it’s on like Donkey Kong,” Buffy said.

“It’s cool, B. I get it. I had the same kinda thing with Becca. We were real close, Becca and me, y’know? She was like my Mom. She was the best Mom any girl could ever ask for.”

“What was she like?”

“She was a little over forty, British, tall and blonde and pretty, with pretty blue eyes. She kinda always reminded me of Princess Di for some reason. She had kind of a...it was how she carried herself, I think. Strong, but like, not looking down on people. She found me and took me in when I was a potential, and I was with her almost a year after that. I was living on the street when she found me...I, uh, took off from my Mom’s place when I was fifteen.”

Buffy rubbed Faith’s shoulder. Faith smiled.

“Becca saved my life, that first day,” Faith said. “Saved me from four vamps.”

“Wow. She took on four vamps?”
“Hell yeah, B. Becca was hardcore. Fifth degree aikido black belt, remember? She took me in, trained me--weights, running, aikido, boxing, street fighting, weapons. Every day, serious workouts. But we hung out too. We were in this cool townhouse in the rich part of Boston, and it was just me and her in this big old house. So we hung out. And I could talk to her about stuff. She was funny, and smart as hell, and she sure didn’t take any crap either. She said jump and I’d be like, ‘Hey, sure Becca, and how high would you like me to jump today?’”

“You’re like Giles’ fantasy of the perfect Slayer,” Buffy said, and laughed. “Giles would kill to have you. Kill to have you.”

“Nah, you’re his girl, B, not me. So like, you don’t train at all?”

“I do, sometimes, but...I guess I just like making his life difficult. So just how British was Rebecca anyway? Was she Giles-level British? Was she British with a side-order of British and don’t skimp on the British?”

“Yeah, but she had a different vibe than the G-Man. G-Man’s all...know what it is? It’s like the difference between Moms and Dads I think. Giles treats you the way a Dad treats his daughter. Becca treated me like, the way a Mom treats her daughter, y’know? Like, Giles lets you slide on stuff sometimes, but...”

“Yeah, I get that. Moms are stricter with girls than Dads are. Moms don’t take crap from girls. My Mom sure doesn’t anyway. If I was a guy Giles would probably be all kickin’ my ass. He’d be all, ‘Get back here and drop and give me twenty young man. And where’s your tweed suit? Get that damn tweed suit on.’”

“Yeah, right? And Becca definitely didn’t take shit from me. But I never dealt her much shit either. I liked her. We talked a lot...about history and stuff... about life, really. About whatever I wanted. She told me stories about Slayers and stuff...even told me about you.”

“Wait, she knew about me?”

“Sure. When I was a potential she told me all about Slayers. I never really thought I’d end up being one, but...so yeah, she told me about you.”

“What’d she say?”

“She said you were a resourceful fighter.”

“Resourceful. That’s it?”

“And you saved the world. She compared you to George Washington rallying the troops during the American Revolution once.”

“Hey, really?” Buffy said, looking pleased with herself. “Cool. Maybe I can go ride around on a horse and be all, four score and seven years ago, when I kicked ass on all these vampires...”

“Washington didn’t say that,” Faith said. “It was Lincoln. Gettysburg Address. And hey, Becca calling you resourceful? Trust me B, that’s high praise. Becca calls you resourceful, take it to the bank, baby. She never blew smoke. She gave a compliment, you knew you earned it. So yeah, anyway, like, we’d hang out. I liked her, I liked being around her. She took me places, movies and museums and ball games and stuff. She taught me about history and art and philosophy, got me into reading books, even gave me piano lessons. And she used to love going to ball games. We’d go to Celts games? And she’d be like, ‘Yes! Capital slam dunk, Mr. Bias! In your face, Michael Jordan!’” Faith did a very good impression of Rebecca’s English accent as she said that. They both laughed, and took another egg mcmuffin each. There were three left now.

“I always suspected you were secretly British,” Buffy said. “I knew there had to be some reason you’re all weirdly into Giles. I bet you like crumpets. I bet if McDonald’s had like, ninety-nine cent crumpets you’d buy eleven of them.”

“Scones,” Faith said. “I dig scones.”

“What’s a scone? Giles mentions them sometimes. He says you can’t find good ones in California.”

“Biscuity kinda thing with a filling. Sunday mornings Becca and I drove out to a bakery she knew that was run by this old Scottish guy. I never understood a word he said but he could cook his butt off. We’d get scones and brownies and donuts and stuff. We did just a real quick workout on Sundays and then we’d rent movies after and eat pastry and just kinda pig out all day in front of the VCR.”

Rebecca sounds like a really great lady.”

“Yeah. Becca always...she always knew just what to say, just what to do, in every situation, y’know?” Faith said. “She was one of those people...one of those people who’s just calm and in charge all the time, and you follow them, because you want to. You just always know everything’s gonna be okay when you’re with them.”

“I’m sorry I won’t get to meet her.”

“Yeah. She was real special.”

“And then one day you became the Slayer. I bet she was just like, the proudest Mom in the world.”

“Actually...that was a weird night. I came home, y’know, once I found out I was all super-strong...”

“How’d that happen? How’d you find out?”

“Tossed some asshole over the bar at this club I was at.”

“That works.”

“Yeah so, I come home, it’s like past midnight, Becca’s asleep, and I run into her room and wake her up screaming about how I’m the Slayer. You know, she’s chillin’, catchin’ some winks and suddenly this crazy girl is all in her face jumping up and down like, I’m the Slayer! I’m the Slayer! I bet she was probably all thinking, ‘Damn, girl, can’t you see I’m relaxin’ here? What is it with you crazy American chicks?’”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, and laughed. “I get that vibe from Giles about every thirty seconds.”

“But y’know, Becca’s all cool and British about it, upper lip all stiff, and we go up to the gym and bang, I’m benching like eight-hundred pounds. So Becca’s like, damn, yup, okay, guess you’re the Slayer. Becca poured us some champagne after that, and we drank a little, had a toast. Anyway, fast-forward a couple hours, I’m in bed, I’m asleep, and suddenly I hear a scream. I run upstairs...and I see Becca crying.”

“Crying?”

“She was worried about me. Turns out she didn’t want me to be the Slayer...because Slayers don’t live so long. She told me she just...wanted me to grow up and be happy. She didn’t want me to have to deal with all the stuff you and me gotta deal with. She was crying because she didn’t want me to ever die.”

“Rebecca was frigging awesome,” Buffy said.

Faith nodded. Buffy could see Faith had tears in her eyes now. She took Faith’s hand.

“Yeah,” Faith said, and smiled, and wiped her tears away. “I really lucked out, running into her. From what Becca told me about the Watchers, they’re not all on the ball, y’know?”

“Giles says that too. He says there are a lot of berks in the Watchers.”

“What’s a berk?”

“British word for dumbass. Of course they can’t just say ‘dumbass’. That would be too easy. They have to British everything up.”

“Shit. How many crazy-ass expressions do British people have anyway? Becca always said crazy stuff like that too. Becca’s all like ‘Bob’s your uncle’. I’m like, ‘He is? Who’s this Bob guy?’”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, laughing. “Giles said that to me once. I made him promise never to say it again. I think British people keep making up new crazy stuff to say just to annoy Americans. I wonder if Rebecca would have liked me. You think she would have liked me?”

“I think it would have been fun to watch you trying to get out of training. She’d be like, okay, time for aikido and you’d be like...”

“Sorry, heading out to the Bronze, don’t wait up!” Buffy said, and giggled. “Bob’s my uncle!”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and laughed. “Like, immovable object? Meet irresistible force.”

“Which one am I?”

“Immovable object. But I’m thinkin’ Becca would have moved you. I mean like, you give her too much shit? And then bang, here comes the tone.”

“The tone?”

“When she wanted to make sure I knew it was her way or the highway? Her voice got this tone. She never had to use it on me much, but whenever she did I was just all standing at attention, baby,” Faith said, and smiled. “Would’ve been fun to watch, you and her.”

“I can be pretty immovable, you know,” Buffy said. “I can be Stonehenge immovable when I wanna be.”

“Yeah, I’ve been pickin’ up on that.”

“She really taught you how to play piano? Seriously?”

“Well, I’m not too good, but yeah. I let her give me piano lessons.”

“I would never in a billion years let Giles give me piano lessons.”

“Becca just...I mean she wouldn’t nag or anything, y’know? It’s just...she always gave me the feeling like she knew I could do so much stuff...stuff I never thought I could do. But she always just knew I could do it, like there was never a doubt in her mind. She always told me I was smart when I thought I was dumb. The only time she ever got pissed at me was this one time I said I was dumb.”

“You’re not dumb, baby,” Buffy said.

“And like, books and museums, art and philosophy and stuff,” Faith said. “Even piano lessons...it’s like she just knew I could be a lot more than I was. She told me once I could do anything I wanted to do. She just...”

Faith’s face crumpled up; tears started running down her cheeks.

“Hey, hey...” Buffy said, and hugged her. “Faith? It’s okay.”

“Would she have...” Faith said, and sniffled, and tried to wipe her tears away. ‘Would she have liked...liked you? Yeah...yeah. She would’ve...she would’ve liked you. She would’ve liked you a lot better than me. You wouldn’t have let her die. You wouldn’t have...” Faith started crying. “You wouldn’t have.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Buffy said. “You know that. It wasn’t. It wasn’t.”

Faith’s shoulders started heaving. Buffy brought her closer. “You wouldn’t have let her die, Buffy,” Faith said. “You wouldn’t have screwed up like I did! You wouldn’t have let her die!”

“Faith...it wasn’t your fault, baby,” Buffy said, and stroked her hair. “There were...how many vamps did Kakistos have with him?”

“Him and Trick got there with eighteen,” Faith said. “I wasn’t there. I was, was a little angry with Becca ’cuz...there was this vamp the night before that Becca took me out to dust? A girl vamp, had, had a boyfriend who was a vamp too. Dusted the guy and, and then the girl came out and we fought and...she was... she was so sad when I killed her boyfriend. I didn’t know vamps could be sad, y’know?” Faith said, and sniffled some more, and tried to wipe her tears away. “I didn’t know vamps could like, love someone. I dusted the vamp...her name was Emily. I felt kinda bad about it and...Becca wanted me to come with her to the restaurant the next day but I didn’t, I wouldn’t go...I went out with Evan instead and Becca and her boyfriend were up against Kakistos and Trick and eighteen vamps by themselves. By the time I got there thirteen vamps were left, and everyone in the restaurant was dead and Becca...Becca was...”

Faith started to tremble. She breathed in quick little gasps, and she made a little wailing sound every time she exhaled.

“It’s okay, baby...” Buffy said, and brought Faith’s head to her bosom.

“I showed up, ’cuz I felt bad, I didn’t like feeling angry with Becca but I wasn’t in time,” Faith said. “I wasn’t there and he...I wasn’t there, y’know? I wasn’t there when they started and...Becca was naked on the floor...she was naked on the floor. Kakistos had her naked on the floor and he...”

And then Buffy knew. She finally knew what really happened that night... what happened to Rebecca.

Buffy felt a tear run down her cheek.

Faith’s wailing got louder. Her nose began to run, and she was shaking all over now, like little earthquakes were going off inside her.

“Kakistos...he was too strong,” Faith said. “I managed to, to, take out his guys but...but when I tried to stake him, he just shrugged it off, and...he kicked me out the window and...I ran back up but...Becca was...”

Faith was curled up into a little ball now, and she clutched at Buffy, held onto her with all the strength she had, strength enough to break bones. Buffy held her to her bosom, and rocked her. Tears ran down Faith’s cheeks, and made Buffy’s shirt damp. Faith’s nose ran down over her lips and off her chin, and stuck to Buffy’s hair. Buffy caressed her cheek.

“Kakistos, he, he had her naked and he, um...he...he...” Faith said...

Buffy was crying now, too.

“He raped her,” Faith said, her voice breaking. “He raped her and he killed her.”

Faith screamed.

Faith took in big, rasping lungfuls of air now, and screamed every time she exhaled...she screamed as Buffy held her to her bosom and rocked her.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Buffy said, as she cried. “I’m so sorry, baby...”

“I loved her, Buffy,” Faith said. “I loved her and she’s dead because I wasn’t good enough! She’s dead because I wasn’t good enough and it’s all my fault!”

“No, baby. No,” Buffy said, and held her tighter. “It’s not your fault.”

“It’s my fault, my fault, she’s gone and it’s my fault...” Faith said, shaking her head back and forth as she repeated it.

“No, baby,” Buffy said.

“I loved her, Buffy.”

“I know, baby. I know you loved her.”

“I’m always cold now. I’m always, I’m always out in the cold...it came in Buffy, it came in, it came in, and it won’t leave! I’m alone in the cold, all the time...I’m all alone...”

“You’re not alone. I’m right here for you, baby,” Buffy said. “I’ll always be right here.”

“I’m cold,” Faith whispered, as she wailed, and cried, and trembled...as she desperately clutched at Buffy, afraid to let go...afraid of the cold. Afraid she would always be cold.

“I’m gonna keep you warm, baby,” Buffy said.

And Buffy held Faith tight as she cried, and kept her warm...