Twenty

SPARK

“Six bucks for a large?” Faith mumbled.

Buffy opened her eyes. She was lying in bed. But it wasn’t her bed. She was confused for a moment. The bed, the whole room, smelled like Faith.

Then she remembered. She was in Faith’s motel room. She looked around. The sun was shining in; she wondered what time it was. She looked to her right, and saw the goofy giant pyramid of Coke and Sprite cans. She looked up, and saw the appalling orange and black painting on the wall. She looked to her left, and saw the photo of Gwendolyn on the nightstand.

She looked down, and saw Faith curled up asleep in a little ball against her, curled up in her arms with her head resting against her bosom.

Buffy ran her fingers through Faith’s hair.

“Bring my own damn food in,” Faith mumbled, into Buffy’s blouse.

“What?” Buffy said.

Faith didn’t answer. She was snoring very softly.

“You’re asleep, aren’t you?” Buffy said.

“Peanut M&M’s,” Faith mumbled.

Buffy smiled. Faith was just goofy; she always said and did goofy things Buffy didn’t understand. It was as if Faith existed at right angles to the world.

Buffy had already made her peace with it.

She went back to sleep.

When Buffy woke up again, Faith was looking into her eyes.

“You got egg mcmuffin breath,” Faith said.

“Like you don’t?” Buffy said. “What time is it?”

“Remember about how I don’t have a clock? But judging from the sun out there it’s still early.”

Buffy yawned. “Still tired,” she said.

“Yeah, me too,” Faith said, and yawned. “Need more sackin’ out time. How come when one person yawns it makes you wanna yawn?”

“I don’t know about everyone else in the world but I think you’re doing it ’cuz you wanna be just like me ’cuz I’m great,” Buffy said.

“Gotta be it,” Faith said. “I need to get outta these clothes. Hard to sleep wearing this stuff.” She sat up, and took off her clothes, stripping down to her underwear and socks. She got back into bed, back under the covers. But she kept her distance from Buffy; she didn’t curl up against her. “This weird for you? Want me to throw on a nightgown?”

“It’s okay. Seen it anyway.”

“You flirting with me, girlfriend? Gonna maybe try to kiss me?”

“You wish.”

“You wanna kiss me,” Faith said. “You so wanna kiss me. You’d pay a million bucks to kiss me. You’d kick Brad Pitt’s ass to the curb to kiss me.”

“Shut up,” Buffy said, and giggled.

“B...thanks for...thanks for being here,” Faith said.

“You’re my friend, Faith. It’s what friends do,” Buffy said.

They lay together on the bed, on their backs, separate from each other.

“Can you get to sleep like that?” Buffy said.

“Nope,” Faith said.

“Do you want me to be Buffy the pillow?” Buffy said.

“Yeah,” Faith said.

“C’mere, baby,” Buffy said.

Buffy took Faith’s hand, and brought her head to her bosom. She put her arms around her, and stroked her hair, and Faith snuggled up against her.

“Could you...maybe, uh...take your top off?” Faith said. “It’s just...the pillows are better without a pillowcase.”

“Sure,” Buffy said, and smiled, and sat up and took off her blouse. “Might as well take the rest off too, easier to sleep without all this stuff on. Just don’t get any ideas, pervo.”

“No guarantees,” Faith said.

Buffy took off her skirt and kicked off her shoes, and sat up in the bed, in her bra and panties, and looked down at Faith. Buffy thought she should feel awkward about being with Faith like this, after everything that had happened recently...but she didn’t. She felt just right.

“Sexy,” Faith said. Faith’s eyes were on Buffy, from the top of Buffy’s head all the way down to her toes, as Buffy looked back at her...

Faith wanted to kiss her. She made herself think about Evan. But he seemed so far away now...like he didn’t exist anymore.

“Can you undo my bra in back?” Buffy said.

Faith unhooked Buffy’s bra. It was black and frilly and semi-transparent, with little lace roses; it was a sexy, slinky little trifle. Buffy looked good in it.

Buffy slid the bra off, and Faith suddenly jumped off the bed, and knelt down in front of her.

Faith was kneeling between Buffy’s legs, kneeling at her feet.

You look good there, Faith remembered Buffy saying to Trick.

Faith hadn’t meant to jump off the bed. She knew the Slayer had done it...that the Slayer wanted to get out. She was like a lion in a cage and she was pacing back and forth and growling behind the bars inside Faith’s head now. Faith tried to keep her locked in. She tried to think about Evan.

Faith looked up at Buffy. Buffy looked down at her.

Do I look good here? Faith wanted to say.

Buffy’s scent was sweet. Faith made herself think about Evan’s scent instead. She liked Evan’s scent...she just didn’t like it as much as Buffy’s.

“Um,” Buffy said. “Remember the rules? Remember rule number two?”

“Curious about the lingerie,” Faith said. “Wanted a closer look.” Buffy’s panties were the same frilly, black, semi-transparent stuff as the bra. Faith could see the shadowy hint of Buffy’s pubic hair. “How come you wore this stuff?”

Buffy had bought the lingerie the month before...to wear for Faith. She had never gotten a chance to.

“I don’t know...first thing I pulled out of the drawer, I guess,” Buffy said.

“Looks real pretty,” Faith said.

“Thanks,” Buffy said.

Faith knew she should be getting back on the bed. She didn’t move.

Buffy was a little nervous...Faith could smell it.

Buffy sat on the edge of the bed, with her legs spread slightly apart.

Buffy opened her legs a little more.

Faith knew it was up to her, now. She knew Buffy was leaving it up to her.

Faith wanted to...

“Who’s Evan?” Buffy said.

Saved by the bell, Faith thought. She climbed back onto the bed. They got back under the covers, and Buffy brought Faith’s head back to her breasts, and put her arms around her. Faith snuggled up against her.

“How’s that, baby?” Buffy said.

“Perfect, lover,” Faith said.

“So you gonna tell me about this Evan guy?”

“My guy in Boston. He was the only guy who...the only guy who ever really talked to me. The only one who treated me like I wasn’t just two holes. He DJ’ed at this dance club I liked. He made me laugh, and he was nice to me. Plus he was a complete fox too.”

“Always an admirable trait in a guy.”

“Yeah. He was about 6’1”, longish dark hair, kinda neat, good dresser. Real like, pretty face? Big brown eyes. Good lean body.”

“Butt?”

“To die for.”

“Another admirable trait.”

“God I could just...mmmm, I could just squeeze that thing all damn day.”

They laughed.

“Did you guys ever...y’know...I mean...how far did you go?” Buffy said.

“We were just friends for a long time,” Faith said. “I liked it that way. Been burned a lot by guys, y’know? And then the day we both knew we wanted to take it to the next level also just happened to be the day Kakistos decided to send his guys to be all chasin’ us around and shooting at us. So, we didn’t get to do anything...never even went on a date. But we told each other we love each other. We kissed. Then...I left.”

“Sorry. That’s really rough.”

“Yeah. K was onto me, I knew Ev would be dead if I stayed with him. But K’s guys didn’t get a good look at Ev, so I figured he’d be safe as long as I took off. So I came out here to warn you and lead K away from Boston.”

“You gonna go back to Evan?”

“No.”

“But Kakistos and Trick are dead. Why not go see Evan? I mean...if you love him...if you...don’t want to stay with...stay in Sunnydale.”

“I wanna see him, but...we’re Slayers, B. It’s too dangerous. Like, what you said about Will? That’s how I am about Ev. I can’t...I can’t let him be a part of this. I can’t ever risk him being hurt.”

“Does he know about you? About how you’re a Slayer?”

“Yeah, I told him when I took off. Figured he had a right to know.”

“He believe you?”

“Yeah. He knows I wouldn’t lie to him.”

“You’re the one who told me I worry too much about Will and Xander.”

“They’re different, they know the score. And hey, in case you weren’t paying attention? Will’s stronger than the both of us put together. She ever went bad, you really think there’s jack shit we could do against energy shields and lightning bolts? And Xan Man, okay, he’s basically a civilian but he’s logged a lot of hours, he doesn’t freak out about all this stuff. You ever taught him how to fight he’d be better off, but still. But Evan...I just couldn’t ever risk it.”

“Yeah, I get where you’re coming from. So like, are you in the market for a new guy or what?”

“No. I don’t want any other guys.”

“But you said you weren’t seeing him again.”

“I know.”

“So what, you’re gonna become a nun?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know...what I’m gonna do. I’ll just...take it as it comes I guess. Figure it out as I go.”

“Can I help? Will you let me be your friend and help?”

“Yeah. I’d like that. Will and Xander too.”

“You’re warm, Faith,” Buffy said, and caressed her cheek. “You’re not cold, baby. You’re warm.”

“When I’m with you,” Faith said.

They fell asleep again.

The phone rang. Faith woke up.

She was lying curled up against Buffy’s breasts. Buffy was asleep. Faith felt Buffy’s heart beating, strong and steady beneath her.

She grabbed the phone from the nightstand before it could ring again.

“Hello?” Faith said, softly. She wondered what time it was. She looked at the window. The sun was low.

“Hey, Will...yeah, I’m good. How you doin’? Still feelin’ all...?”

“Nah, you’re fun when you’re high. Bet you’d be a real trip if you ever smoked some weed. Okay, you’re shitting me. No way. No way! Damn. You’re just full of surprises, girl. No, actually...I never did. Go figure, huh?”

“Don’t need to worry,” Faith said, and looked down at Buffy, and touched her cheek. She watched Buffy’s breasts moving, as she breathed. Her breasts were a little smaller than Faith’s, but they were nicely shaped, and they were the perfect size, Faith knew, for cupping in her hands. Buffy’s nipples and areolas were small too, and very light pink in color. Her torso was short; Buffy’s height came from her long legs instead. Her stomach was flat as a board and her skin was soft and very pale, the color of cream. She had a mole near her belly button, and there was a fine layer of tiny, almost imperceptible blonde hairs dotting her lower abdomen. Faith couldn’t see them right now, but she knew they were there; she’d had plenty of close-up views before. Buffy’s nipples were erect now, for some reason; they were long when they were erect, like erasers. Buffy turned over on her side in her sleep, toward Faith. Faith put her arm around her, and brought Buffy’s head down to rest on her breasts, and pulled the blanket over her. “She’s here with me. Yeah, she’s fine, she’s just, uh, taking a nap right now. She was real beat when she got here. Yeah, car’s here too, you can tell G-Man to chill. You guys tell him about the big-ass dents in the fender yet?”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and laughed softly. “Might be a good idea to let Buffy break the news. She’s his favorite. But hey, the thing still drives. Not like it was winning any style awards anyway.”

“Okay, yeah, we’ll meet you at G-Man’s place. The Bronze? Sure, sounds like a party. Yup. See ya.”

Buffy threw her arms around Faith, and cuddled up tighter against her. Faith held her, and just looked at her...just watched her sleep.

Fifteen minutes later, Faith woke her up.

“Hey, beautiful,” Faith said, and kissed her cheek. “Rise and shine.”

“Mmmm...whuzzz...wha...?” Buffy said, and rolled over.

“Time to wake up, honey,” Faith whispered in her ear.

Buffy shook her head.

“C’mon honey, be a good girl for me,” Faith said.

Buffy opened her eyes, and rolled over again, and looked up at Faith.

“I dreamt...someone called me beautiful,” Buffy said.

“Uh...cool dream,” Faith said, only just realizing what she had said. “Was he hot?”

“Mmm...not sure?” Buffy said, and leaned her head against Faith’s breasts again. “Think so. Mmm. Pillows. I like pillows too, y’know. Take this thing off,” she murmured, and clumsily unhooked Faith’s bra. “Want pillows.”

“But we gotta wake up, honey.”

“Pillows.”

“Okay, a little longer,” Faith said, and took her bra off.

Buffy kissed each of Faith’s nipples, and rested her head on her breasts, and went back to sleep.

“Okay, honey, now we really gotta wake up,” Buffy heard Faith saying.

Buffy opened her eyes.

“You have bigger pillows than me,” Buffy said, looking down at Faith’s breasts under her cheek.

“Just a little bigger,” Faith said. “Yours are just as nice.”

“So why we gotta wake up?’

“Will called, G-Man wants us at his place. Y’know, like planning and research and stuff. And Will and Xander want us to go to the Bronze afterwards.”

“We can do all that later,” Buffy said, and pulled Faith toward her and snuggled up against her breasts again like a lazy cat. She ran her feet up and down Faith’s ankles under the covers.

“It is later, honey,” Faith said. “We’re runnin’ late.”

Buffy rolled over and looked at the window. The sun was very low; it would be setting soon. “When did that happen?” she said.

“We’ve been sackin’ out a long time. Will called awhile ago. We’re supposed to be at G-Man’s place around now.”

“They tell him about the car?”

“Leavin’ that to you.”

“Figures.”

“Hey. Uh...so what did you want to talk to me about anyway?”

“What?” Buffy said, and kissed Faith’s nipples.

“What are you doing?” Faith said, and smiled. You bein’ some kinda pervo?”

“Doesn’t count,” Buffy said. “Boob kissing doesn’t count.”

“It doesn’t?” Faith said. “Sure feels like it counts.”

“Only sucking on them counts. If there’s no tongue action I’m not being a pervo. And I’m like only a quarter awake so for all I know I’m dreaming all this. Leave me alone.”

“Uh-huh,” Faith said, and kissed her.

“What was that for?” Buffy said.

“What was what for?”

“Hello? You just kissed me.”

“Me? No I didn’t. You dreamed it.”

“Sure, pervo,” Buffy said, giggling, and sat up, and stretched, and yawned.

“Hey,” Faith said, and took her hand, and brought her back down to her. “Wait up. So what did you want to talk about? Y’know, when I found you in the car? You said you wanted to talk to me.”

Buffy stopped smiling.

“Yeah...I just...forget it,” Buffy said.

“C’mon B, you can tell me,” Faith said. “What’s up?”

“I just...” Buffy said, and rolled over on the bed, and looked away from her. “I was gonna ask you to stay with me again. To come move into my place. My Mom still wants you to, and...but you’re just gonna say no and I don’t want to fight so how about we just drop it, okay?”

“How long were you waiting in the car before I found you?”

“What? Why?”

“Just curious.”

“Ten minutes maybe.”

Faith turned Buffy over, so she could look at her.

“You’re a lousy liar, B,” Faith said.

“Fine. You want to embarrass me? Is that what this is about? I was there since 4:30 in the morning, okay?” Buffy said, and sat up. “I sat in the cold for like three hours waiting for you. Okay? Are you fucking happy now?”

“Hey,” Faith said, and pulled her back down toward her again. But Buffy wouldn’t look at her.

“How come you won’t look at me, honey?” Faith said.

Buffy shook her head, and looked away.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. You’re just...important to me, Buffy, that’s all,” Faith said. “I really...care about you a lot, y’know? I guess...I don’t know, maybe I just wanted to know that...you care about me. If you...care about me like how I care about you? Does that make any--”

“You think I don’t care?” Buffy shouted, and sat back up, and looked right at her. “How can you even say that?! How can you say I don’t, I don’t care about you when...when you’re in this place and...”

Buffy’s lips started trembling, and there were tears in her eyes.

“And...and all I do is worry?!” Buffy shouted. “How can you say I don’t care when all I do is worry about you?! You’re in this stupid shitty place and I think about you all the time and, and I don’t know if...”

Buffy started to cry. Faith pulled her back down toward her again, and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I’m afraid of what might happen to you and, and I don’t know if you even have enough money to stay here! Or for food! And, and...” Buffy said...

Faith kissed her.

And, before Buffy could say anything else, Faith kissed her again...

She moved on top of Buffy, and kissed her a third time, and caressed her hair...and then she kissed Buffy’s tears, kissed each one as it came, until they were gone.

“What are you doing now?” Buffy said, and sniffled, and managed a smile. “What weirdness are you doing to me now?”

“Got more kisses than you got tears,” Faith said.

“There was tongue action.”

“I’ll stay with you. Okay?”

“You will? You mean it? You’ll stay?”

“Yeah. Look, I don’t know how we’re gonna work it and there might be some rough patches or whatever but...yeah. I’ll stay with you. When do you want me to move in?”

“Tonight?”

“Okay.”

“There’s a lot of leftover meat loaf. I just...needed someone to eat all the meat loaf, that’s all. This was all just a big meat loaf thing.”

“I’ll eat the meat loaf.”

Faith lay on top of her, and caressed her hair, and they looked in each other’s eyes. Their breasts were touching. They felt their hearts beating together.

“I was just...I was worried about you,” Buffy said. “I know we had that big fight last time I asked but...I’ve been worried. I don’t want you here. I just want to know you’ve got food and...you’re someplace warm and...you’re not all alone. I don’t want you to be alone. I’ll just feel better if you’re with me.”

“Yeah. I get that now,” Faith said. “It’s just...I guess...I got a lot of pride, y’know? And it’s hard getting past it sometimes. My pride kept me alive, back when I was on the street. And back on the street it always seemed like, no one does for you without you doin’ for them. And...I don’t like pity. I don’t like feeling like people are pitying me. There’s a difference between caring about someone and pitying them, B. One I want from you. The other I don’t.”

“I care about you,” Buffy said.

“Yeah,” Faith said, and hugged her. “You keep me warm.”

“I’m sorry, Faith,” Buffy said. “About before. The fight in the mall, when I called you a thief. I didn’t mean that.”

“I know. Ancient history. I was never angry at you about that anyway, that was all my fault.”

“Do you still want to...patrol separately from me? I don’t...I don’t think that’s a good idea. I think we should stay together.”

Faith sat up.

“Buffy...I’m sorry about that too,” Faith said. “I didn’t want to shut you out. It’s just...with you leaving...I guess I was trying to make it easier on myself.”

“Leaving?” Buffy said. “What are you talking about?”

“How you’re goin’ away to school out of state and...y’know...I guess... how I’ll be taking over as the Slayer here. It’s okay, Buffy. I get it...you got a big future ahead of you. You get good grades, you’re graduating soon, college is coming up...I understand, y’know? I’ll be okay with it.”

“Oh, my God,” Buffy said, and sat up, and looked at her. “That’s what it was. That’s why...that’s why you acted like...”

Buffy caressed her cheek.

“You thought I was leaving,” Buffy said. “You saw those stupid fucking college brochures, didn’t you?”

Faith nodded.

“Oh, God...!” Buffy said, and took Faith in her arms, and hugged her. “Oh God, I almost lost you over...over a misunderstanding! Thanks, Mom.” Buffy started to giggle. “Faith, you total goofball! Why didn’t you tell me? Why couldn’t you just talk to me?!”

“What...what do you mean?” Faith said.

“I’m not leaving!” Buffy shouted, laughing now, and kissing Faith over and over, covering her whole face with kisses. “I was never leaving! I’m not going to school out of state, I’m staying right here after graduation!”

“You’re...staying...?” Faith said.

“Baby, I only filled those applications out for all those schools to get my Mom off my back. I never intended to go to any of those places. I decided awhile back that I’m going to UC Sunnydale. I’m staying here, with you.”

“But...your Mom...I heard her saying that...you could go away to school, and maybe I could stay in Sunnydale and like, be the Slayer here.”

“Heard that, huh? And I bet you heard me sounding like I was agreeing with her too, right? That time you were over for dinner and my Mom and I were talking about it.”

Faith nodded again.

Buffy put her hands on Faith’s shoulders, and looked her in the eyes, and smiled. “Oh God, baby...look,” Buffy said. “My Mom, she worries about me, okay? She wants me to be career girl. She’s my Mom, y’know? So I like, humor her sometimes because it’s easier than having her nagging me about stuff forever. I always knew she and I would have to have the talk about how she thinks I should be going to like, Columbia or whatever and how UC Sunnydale isn’t a good enough school, but I kinda wanted to put that talk off for as long as possible, so I just went along with what she was saying and filled out the applications for those schools but I already knew I’m going to be staying here.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t,” Faith said. “I mean...I’d love it if you were here with me but Joyce is right. You’re smart, Buffy, you’ve got your whole future ahead. You should go to one of those schools, you belong in one of those schools. If you stayed here for me, I’d feel like...I was holding you back.”

“Decision’s already made, baby,” Buffy said, and kissed her. “I’m staying. But don’t feel bad, it isn’t just for you. I would’ve stayed in Sunnydale even if you weren’t here.”

“Because of the Hellmouth?” Faith said.

“I’m the Slayer. I need to be here. And yeah, maybe I could’ve worked it out so I like, went to school out of state and came back for vacations or for emergencies, but y’know, ivy league schools? They’re hard. There’s a lot of work. I mean, I’ll probably end up being waitlisted at all those schools anyway, I don’t think my grades are really good enough to get in, and I know for a fact Harvard and Yale would never happen, those are pipedreams. But going to any one of those schools, the workload would just be too much, with having to be the Slayer at the same time. Being the Slayer has to come first. And if I’m saving the world I refuse to have too much homework.”

They laughed.

“UC Sunnydale’s a great school,” Buffy said. “It’s nationally recognized for a few different things, it’s got a good rep. And it allows you to design your own curriculum, and the workload’s a little lighter. It’s the perfect school for me. And most of all, it’s here...where I need to be. Where I want to be.”

Buffy kissed her.

“I’m not leaving, baby,” Buffy said. “I’m gonna be right here, doing the Slayer thing. I’m not gonna take off and leave you to handle everything alone. We’ll handle it together, okay? From now on, anything life throws at us? We’ll handle it together.”

A tear rolled down Faith’s cheek.

“You’re not...gonna leave me?” Faith said.

“Nope,” Buffy said, and smiled, and kissed her again. “I’m gonna hang around to annoy you forever.”

“Okay,” Faith said, and giggled, and hugged her.

They kissed.

The kissing became passionate...

Faith pulled away.

“There’s one more thing, Buffy,” Faith said. “We gotta play a game. It’s a game I just now came up with, and it’s called Confessions. The way it goes is, I confess some secret stuff to you, then you confess some secret stuff to me. The stuff I gotta confess...it’s gonna piss you off. But it’s gotta be done. If we’re gonna go forward this stuff can’t be between us. Are you ready?”

“Um...okay.”

“The day I noticed those college brochures, it was when we were playing that other game I came up with...the one where I do stuff to prove I can be good?”

“Currently my favorite game. Though I really want a turn at being the bad girl next time.”

“Don’t like, try to get me all off track by seducing me, pervo. This is serious stuff. You’re about to be pissed at me.”

“Okay.”

“So anyway I was downstairs making you a sandwich and I come back up and I hear you talking on the phone about someone giving you roses. So I hang out in the hall and listen. Getting pissed yet?”

Buffy looked down at the bed.

“At me, not you,” Buffy said. “I know where this is going.”

“Not all of it,” Faith said. “Let me finish, honey. So I hear you talking about how there’s something you gotta go pick up and how you liked the roses and how he braided them in your hair. The thing is? Those brochures...they threw me. They got me thinking you had been planning on leaving all along and that I was like maybe...I don’t know, like a fling to you, maybe. So I listened to your conversation, even though it wasn’t right to do that. And when I came into the room you said you’d been talking to your bartender and I knew you were lying, that guy’s not braiding flowers in your hair.”

“It was...my guy. I was talking to my guy.”

“Yeah, I figured that...after I followed you.”

“You followed me?”

“Pissed at me yet? I followed you and I was on a roof watching when you kissed him and got in his black convertible.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m pissed at you. Maybe a little annoyed. I’m the one who lied to your face...who gave you a reason not to trust me. You followed me because I lied to you.”

“Yeah. And the thing is...first the brochures, then the guy...it felt like it was all falling into place...I was sure I was just like, maybe your thing on the side or whatever before you went off to school. But then you get back a few hours later and you’re all sad...I’d been planning on like, giving you the cold shoulder but...I couldn’t leave you like that. I couldn’t leave you like, feeling sad.”

Buffy took her hand, and kissed it.

“So I hung in,” Faith said. “But then...”

“The shoplifting thing,” Buffy said.

“That was uncomfortable, but it didn’t make me pissed at you. You thought I was pissed at you about that, but I wasn’t. I was pissed at me about that. No, the next thing that happened was, that’s when I overheard Joyce talking about you taking off out of state for school and how I could maybe stay here and be the Slayer. And it was too much...I felt like, it would be too hard, seeing you. So I sorta tried to stay away. That was why I was all about patrolling separately and stuff. That was why I refused to stay at your place when you offered that first time...I just thought it would be too hard, seeing you every day. But...I just can’t stay away from you, honey.”

Faith hugged her.

“I can’t,” Faith whispered.

“I can’t either,” Buffy whispered.

Faith broke the embrace.

“But I need to know it’s me and you,” Faith said. “It can’t be me and you and your guy. I won’t share you with him.”

“It’s me and you,” Buffy said. “My guy...”

“What’s his name?” Faith said.

“It’s...Angel,” Buffy said.

“Pretty name.”

“Yeah. He and I...we’re not together, Faith, we haven’t been for awhile. The kiss was just...look, I don’t want to lie to you again. I love him and I always will. He was my first love and he’s still important to me but he’s out of the picture like, romantically. We only had sex once, and that was like, almost a year ago. We’ve kissed and stuff since then, but...we both know it’s over. The thing with the roses...he took me out on a date a month ago. I think he wanted to give me one last, perfect night...it was his way of saying goodbye to me. And yeah, we kissed after that, the night you saw us, but it was just almost like...a goodbye kiss. We both knew it was over. He had info on the Glove of Mini-golf, that’s really why we went out that night. And I kissed him but...it’s over now, and I haven’t kissed him since that night. And I’m not going to. I only wanna kiss you, baby.”

“Okay,” Faith said.

They kissed.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Buffy said, and started to cry. “I’m sorry I lied.”

“Sshhh, it’s okay, honey, it’s okay,” Faith said, and hugged her. “We’re good now, okay, honey? We’re good.”

“Okay,” Buffy said, and smiled, as Faith wiped her tears away.

“But now it’s your turn, honey,” Faith said, and held her. “You got a confession to make. And I know what it is, but you gotta say it.”

Faith looked her in the eyes.

“I know you’re scared of it, Buffy,” Faith said. “But you need to say it. You need to say the words, get them out there. I’m not gonna have a problem with it, I’ve known for awhile. But I want you to be my strong girl now, and say it. Can you do that for me? Even more important, can you do it for you?”

Buffy leaned her head on Faith’s shoulder.

“I’m gay,” Buffy whispered.

“See, honey?” Faith said, and kissed her. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”

Buffy nodded. There were tears in her eyes again, but she smiled.

“I’ve...always sort of known, I guess,” Buffy said. “I mean...I always thought girls were pretty. But I liked guys too, so I wasn’t really sure...I didn’t really get sure until the Glove of Mini-golf night. I just felt it then, when I was with Angel. It felt sorta like, ‘Okay, I can’t pretend anymore.’ But...I don’t want to be gay.” Buffy started to cry again, and shook her head. “I don’t want to.”

“Why not, honey?” Faith said, and kissed her. “Why don’t you want to be what you are?”

“I just...wanna be normal,” Buffy said, sniffling, as Faith kissed her tears away. “All I ever wanted was to be a normal girl. And I was for awhile. In high school? I was popular and on the cheerleading squad and stuff. I was happy then. And then one day I’m the stupid fucking Slayer and my life is blown to hell. But I dealt with it, did my best to fit my life in around it. And now...and now this.”

“You don’t wanna be the Slayer?” Faith said, and kissed her hand.

“No. I never did.”

“I like being the Slayer. It’s a cool gig. Savin’ lives, dustin’ vamps, plus y’know, when I’m real restless? Goin’ on a hunt does me just right. Gives me that perfect feeling, y’know? That feeling in my stomach like the whole town, the whole world is my jungle and I’m the lion and all the vamps, they’re the prey. And I know you get that feeling too Buffy, I’ve seen it in your eyes, I’ve smelled it on you, I’ve tasted it on you. I know you want it just like I do.”

“When I’m on a hunt, sure...it’s cool then. But...being the Slayer...it screws everything up. I mean, how can you have a relationship with someone when they’re all threatened and freaked out by how strong you are? Or you have to worry about them because your enemies might come after them? Do you know how many times Xander and Willow have gotten kidnapped? Do you know how often I worry about them, just lay awake and worry?”

“Well Xander and Willow, they’re in this because they love you, Buffy,” Faith said, and kissed Buffy’s hand again. “Yeah, maybe they get in trouble but they do their best, they try because they don’t want you out there alone. They’d rather risk dying out there trying to have your back than dying a little at a time having to stay home and not be able to be there for you.”

Buffy shrugged.

“Buffy, maybe you shouldn’t think so much about how you think you got a raw deal, and start thinking about the good stuff,” Faith said. “You got friends who care about you, who risk their asses for you. How many people can really say that? Plus you’re pretty hot. You’re a hot fabulous super-chick.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, and laughed.

“As for the other thing...finding someone you can have a relationship with?” Faith said, and smiled. “That’s a toughie. Let’s see, first you’d need someone who you don’t have to worry about having to protect all the time, so they’d need to be real strong...”

“And they’d have to be understanding about how I’m the Slayer and the weird hours I keep and like saving the world and stuff,” Buffy said, and smiled.

“That’s two,” Faith said, counting off on her fingers. “Number three is, you’re a hottie, so you need to be with another hottie.”

“A total hottie,” Buffy said, and giggled, and played with Faith’s hair.

“Four, it’s gotta be a girl,” Faith said, and hugged her. “Right, honey?”

Buffy nodded.

“Do you...like girls?” Buffy said.

“Know for sure I like one girl at least,” Faith said, and kissed her. “I’m thinkin’ maybe I’m Slayersexual.”

Buffy laughed.

“Slayersexual,” Buffy said. “That’s what you are. You’re totally Slayersexual.”

“Maybe I’m Buffysexual,” Faith said.

“I want to be your girl, Faith,” Buffy said. “I want to be your girl.”

“Okay,” Faith said. “But we got one more round of Confessions first.”

“We do?”
“Yeah. First me, then you. I’ve been a dick to Will and Xander. They’ve been non-stop nice to me, Will spent a lot of time hangin’ with me and stuff, and I thought the worst of them. Xander, I thought he was just interested in getting into my pants...

“I still can’t believe you never noticed they were dating. I mean, hello? They’re like, making moony eyes at each other like, all the time. They’re the most adorable couple ever.”

“Know what it is? When you called me out and kicked my ass a little at your place, when I didn’t wanna move in? You said I was so wrapped up in myself I can’t see straight. You had me pegged, Buffy. You were right. Without Becca around to kick my ass I’ve been falling into some bad habits. I’ve been feeling bad for myself. If she was here she’d have the tone, I know she would. So I expected the worst from everyone and it’s all I saw. And then, Will...I thought she was hanging with me just because she felt bad for me. I mean, she’s real smart, y’know? Scary smart. I couldn’t figure what she saw in me.”

“If you’re about to call yourself dumb again I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Nah, I’m done with that. I’m standin’ up again now. I want Becca to be proud of me again. I know she’s disappointed in me right now and I gotta change that. So anyway, Will...I always thought it was her feeling bad for me but then, last night, when we were in the pizza place, it just hit me...she likes me. That’s all it was. She just likes me and she wanted to hang.”

“Yeah, baby,” Buffy said, and smiled, and kissed her. “We all like you.”

“Okay. Now it’s your turn,” Faith said.

“Um...not sure what you want me to confess. I used to have a crush on Corey Haim when I was seven.”

“This is gonna be hard, honey. But I need to know.”

“Know...what?”

Faith looked her in the eyes.

“How long have you been in love with Willow?” Faith said.

Buffy’s eyes filled with tears again.

“Forever,” she said.

She looked down at the bed.

“But I can’t ever have her, that way,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, Will’s straight,” Faith said. “She and Xander are good together.”

“It’s like you know everything,” Buffy said, and smiled now. “Like you’re Johnny Carson with that joke he does, reading the envelopes and wearing the turban. Am I that obvious?”

“Well you did kind of come right out and say it, when we were on our way to kill Kakistos,” Faith said. “In the car, when you asked me if the vamps in the alley hurt Willow? And you cried when I told you, and you said you loved her. I know you probably thought I’d assume like, friend love, and maybe I would’ve, but you asked me why my scent had been on her the night before. You were jealous, honey. You were jealous of me maybe being with Willow.”

“Yeah.”

“It’s why we got off to such a bad start. In the cemetery. Not because of the two professor vamp guys. Because of Willow.”

“Yeah.”

“And I see how you look at her, Buffy. It’s in your eyes, honey. It’s in your eyes that you love her.”

Buffy nodded.

“But Faith...it’s not like, you’re my second choice, okay?” Buffy said. “I realized a long time ago I can’t have Will and I’m okay with it. Especially since Will’s with Xander now. Some things are just meant to be, and some aren’t. Will is meant to be with Xander, not me. Do you think...she knows?”

“Well she hasn’t said anything to me, but she’s perceptive,” Faith said. “She might know. But I figure even if she does, she’s cool with it. She loves you, Buffy. Not like that but she still loves you. She’s taken a lot of hits for you.”

“It’s funny,” Buffy said. “Will and me...if like, Will was gay? Like, if Willow suddenly woke up gay one day and I could have her? I bet it wouldn’t work. I mean...we get along almost too well, y’know? Friendship and love don’t always mix right.”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and thought about Evan.

And, finally, let him go.

“There’s gotta be tension, there’s gotta be a spark,” Buffy said. “And, you and me...?”

Buffy kissed her. She caressed Faith’s tongue with hers.

“We spark, baby,” Buffy whispered in her ear. “We spark.”

“I need you, honey,” Faith whispered, and touched Buffy’s breasts. “I need you.”

“Were you the one who called me beautiful before when we were in the bed, or did I dream it?” Buffy said.

“It was me,” Faith said.

Buffy kissed Faith’s knees.

“You’re beautiful too,” Buffy said. “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world. You’re my beautiful girl.”

“I’m not beautiful,” Faith said.

“Yeah, baby, you are,” Buffy said, and trailed her lips behind Faith’s ear, and along her neck, and inhaled her scent. “You smell like...you’re mine. I don’t know why...why I always feel like this around you...why I always feel so warm around you...but...every single thing about you is like you were made for me, how you feel, how you smell. It’s like you belong to me.”

“Maybe I do,” Faith said.

“Do I...feel like that to you? Do I smell like that to you?”

“Yeah, honey. Just like that.”

“It...scares me.”

“Maybe...it’s how we know we’re alive.”

They kissed.

“No more rules,” Faith said.

“We’re outlaws from now on, baby,” Buffy said, and smiled, and laid Faith back on the bed.