Twenty-One

FATHER KNOWS BEST

“Sorry we’re late,” Buffy said, when Giles answered the door two hours later. “Um...how late are we?”

“You’re extremely late,” Giles said, frowning down at Buffy with his arms folded across his chest. “Come in.”

“What time is it? Faith said, as she and Buffy walked into the living room. Willow and Xander were sitting on the couch drinking tea and reading.

“Um...past six,” Willow said, looking up from The Necronomicon. “We... sorta thought you’d be here around four.”

“We called, but there was no answer,” Xander said. “What happened?”

“Uh...vamps,” Faith said, and sat on the couch next to Willow.

“Vamps?” Xander said.

“We...um...found a few hiding out in this building near Faith’s motel,” Buffy said, sitting next to Faith. “Don’t worry, they weren’t the new wolf guys. Just your basic vamps.”

“It took you two hours to dispatch a few vampires?” Giles said, and went into the kitchen.

“Uh, took a look around the whole, uh, area after that. Figured there might be a big group of ’em hidin’ somewhere around there,” Faith said, as Giles came back into the living room with a pot of tea and two cups on a tray. He sat on the recliner across from them and poured them each a cup.

“And there like, totally was,” Buffy said, as Giles handed them both cups of tea. “A group, I mean. There was totally a group. A big group.”

“Yup, real big group,” Faith said, sipping her tea. “Whole bunch of vamps. Had to take our time like, doing recon on ’em? Y’know, figuring out how to go at them. Kinda took us awhile.”

“So...yeah,” Buffy said. “But anyway we’re here now. So what’s the sitch?”

“How’d you go at them?” Xander said.

“Huh?” Faith said.

“The vampires,” Willow said. “What did you end up doing? How many were there?”

“Uh...like...” Faith looked at Buffy. “Maybe ten or so? Say about a dozen?” Faith said.

“Eleven,” Buffy said, and smiled. “There were exactly eleven. I counted.”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and grinned. “Eleven sounds just right.”

“They were weird, goofy vampires,” Buffy said.

“They weren’t that goofy,” Faith said.

“They were totally goofy,” Buffy said.

“Uh...okay,” Xander said. “Goofy. Check. So what did you do? Eleven’s kind of a lot.”

Willow noticed how close Faith and Buffy were sitting to each other. Their legs were touching, and Faith was leaning on Buffy’s shoulder a little. Buffy’s arm was up over the top of the couch, behind Faith’s neck. They were both wearing skirts. Willow had never seen Faith wearing a skirt before...and she could have sworn it was one of Buffy’s.

“Uh...fire,” Faith said.

“Fire?” Willow said.

“We...um...burned ’em out,” Buffy said.

“You burned a building down?” Giles said. “Buffy, that’s extraordinarily dangerous, especially in that area. The buildings around there are practically nothing more than old shacks. A good fire could take half the neighborhood.”

“This was like...uh...a concrete building,” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “It was like, this totally non-flammable concrete, um, like, factory type building. And there was this flaming barrel they were warming their hands over? Like, how homeless guys sometimes set a barrel on fire and sit around it? It was totally like that.”

“Knocked the barrel over on top of ’em,” Faith said. “Bob’s your uncle.”

Buffy and Faith looked at each other, and they both started giggling like little girls.

“Fanny’s your aunt,” Buffy said.

“Those vamps were total berks!” Faith said, and she and Buffy both started laughing hysterically.

“Berks,” Buffy said, and fell against Faith’s shoulder, laughing so hard she could hardly breathe. “Complete berks.”

“So we quite fancied setting them on fire,” Faith said.

“Should’ve seen the looks on their faces,” Buffy said, catching her breath. “They were totally gormless. They were gormless berks.”

“What’s that one mean again?” Faith said.

“Clueless,” Buffy said.

“Anyway we put paid to those guys,” Faith said.

“Totally put paid to them,” Buffy said. “I’m feeling right knackered now.”

“Uh...okay,” Xander said. “Ladies and gentlemen, the comedy stylings of Miss Buffy Summers and Miss Faith Lehane. It’s the Slayer variety hour, kids.”

“Yes, it’s quite enthralling listening to you both poke fun at my culture,” Giles said. “Could we please get on with this now?”

Buffy and Faith caught their breath, and made themselves stop laughing.

“Sorry,” Faith said. “We’ll be good.”

“No need to get shirty,” Buffy muttered, and she and Faith immediately started laughing hysterically again.

Faith looked down at Buffy’s legs.

Faith looked back up at Buffy, and raised her eyebrow.

Buffy giggled.

“Oh, crap!” Faith exclaimed suddenly, as if an airplane was about to crash into the house.

“What?” Buffy overacted.

“Uh, is everything okay?” Xander said.

“I left that thing in the car,” Faith said, and got up, and looked at Buffy. “Remember? You know, uh...that thing?”
“Oh, wow, really?” Buffy said, and stood up. “But you can’t...do all that stuff without the thing.”

“What?” Giles said.

“There’s this thing I left in the car?” Faith said. “And I gotta uh...go look for it.”

“Hey, I have an idea,” Buffy said, as casually as a suicide bomber at a church bake sale. “How about I help you look for it? It’ll be faster that way.”

“Hey, thanks, that’s a really good idea, B,” Faith said, nodding her head and marveling at what a perfectly wonderful idea it was.

“What?” Xander said, as if a Kabuki performance had suddenly materialized in front of him. Buffy and Faith walked to the door.

Willow smiled and closed her eyes and tried very hard not to laugh.

“We’ll be right back,” Buffy said, looking at Giles, Willow and Xander very solemnly, as if she was about to undertake a secret mission that could affect national security, and possibly the fate of the free world.

“God save the Queen,” Faith said, as they walked out the door.

Giggling laughter echoed down the hallway.

“Okay, what just happened?” Xander said.

“They have to...y’know, um...find that thing in the car,” Willow said.

“I can’t believe we’re mmmph,” Buffy murmured, giggling and trying to stretch out in the very cramped backseat of the Citroen DS as Faith lay on top of her and smothered her lips with kisses whenever she tried to speak. One of Buffy’s legs was up over the seat and the other one was balanced over Faith’s shoulder and she felt like she was either back at cheerleader practice doing a split or lying on the examining table at a gynecologist’s office. “You’re crazy! How long do you think we can mmmph...before they wonder what we’re mmmph?”

“Long enough to get you off, honey,” Faith said, and caressed Buffy’s legs. “I know just how to pet your pretty kitty.”

Buffy grabbed Faith’s ass and brought her closer, sliding her hands underneath Faith’s skirt and pulling her panties down. Faith had a perfect little bubble butt and Buffy couldn’t get enough of it; at the same time it made her insanely jealous.

“Aw, don’t be jealous, baby,” Faith said, and giggled, and kissed her.

“It’s just for me,” Buffy said. “If this ass can’t be on my body then I’m the only one who gets to play with it. No one else can have this ass but me.”

Buffy ran her fingers over Faith’s soft skin down there, and began kissing Faith’s neck, just below her ear.

Faith unbuttoned Buffy’s blouse and kissed her breasts and her stomach, and then she shimmied her way down between Buffy’s legs. She lifted Buffy’s skirt. Buffy’s legs were spread too wide for Faith to pull her panties down, so Faith tore them in two. Buffy gasped, and laughed.

“You realize I have to sit around Giles’ house in a skirt without panties now?” Buffy said.

“I’ll make it worth your while,” Faith said. “Just keep your legs crossed.”

Buffy’s legs were spread wide and the long, thick thigh muscles were flexed. Faith ran her hands over Buffy’s thighs, and around her calves, down to her ankles and her feet. She felt the silky skin against her fingers, and let her senses reach out. She experienced every millimeter of Buffy’s warm, supple flesh; the tiny goosebumps, the peaks and valleys of muscle, its scent. She could feel the blood flowing beneath Buffy’s skin. She kissed her way down Buffy’s muscular legs, and all the way back up again, back up between them. Buffy was wet...and Faith gave her a little kiss there, and looked up at her. Buffy’s nipples were sticking up under her bra like soldiers at attention. Buffy’s face was flushed.

“We...don’t have time, baby,” Buffy moaned, and caressed Faith’s lips with her finger. “We can’t stay out here forever.”

“Three minutes,” Faith said. “I just need three minutes.”

“You can’t finish me off in three minutes!” Buffy said, and giggled.

“Wanna bet?” Faith said, and started licking her. Buffy looked down, and saw Faith’s raised eyebrow looking back up at her from between her legs.

Buffy checked her watch.

“You’re on, pervo,” she said.

And she leaned back, and smiled, and closed her eyes...

“Okay, I owe you five bucks,” Buffy said, as they rang Giles’ bell again. “But I’m getting you back later. Two minutes forty seconds this time.”

“Talk’s cheap, honey,” Faith said.

“What are we gonna say about the broken window?”

“That you always kick out your legs when I make you come? And what’s the thing we were supposed to be looking for?”

“How should I know? It was your lame-o cover story.”

“Holy grail? Rabbit’s foot? A shiny nickel?”

“Mr. Goodbar,” Buffy said, as Willow opened the door. Willow grinned, and closed the door behind her, and took their hands.

“Giles is trying to find those dry, crumbly tea cookies, y’know, the ones we all hate, including him? And Xander’s in the bathroom,” Willow said. “So come out to the car with me for a minute.”

Willow turned Buffy and Faith around and walked them back to the car. “I’ll help you find that thing,” she said.

“Uh...we...already found the...” Faith started to say.

“Sshhh,” Willow said, and looked back at the house. “Gimme the keys.”

“But...” Buffy said.

“Keys,” Willow said, and did the scowly face. Buffy handed her the keys because she knew the scowly face always meant business and Willow unlocked the front and back doors.

“You two get in back,” Willow said. “Time for some girl talk.”

“Um...okay,” Buffy said, and looked at Faith.

“Got nothin’,” Faith said, shrugging her shoulders as she got in back with Buffy. Willow got in front and shut the doors.

“How did that window break?” Willow said.

“It broke in the cemetery last night,” Buffy said, at the same time as Faith said, “Those vamps at the motel.”

Willow giggled. “You guys are like a Saturday Night Live skit,” she said. “I think it’s called, ‘The Two Most Obvious Lesbians Ever’.”

“Uh...” Faith said.

“Um...” Buffy said.

“Look, sweeties,” Willow said, and took their hands, and smiled. “I love you both, I think you’re both awesome? And I’m happy for you. You’re my friends and I’m happy you’re both happy, it’s obvious just looking at you. And if you wanna tell everyone you’re a couple, hey, that’s great too. But if you wanna, y’know, keep it a secret? And I’m not saying you should, I’m just saying, y’know, if that’s what you want right now? Then, um, maybe you’re gonna need to be just a tiny little bit less blatantly, incredibly, totally utterly obvious.”

Buffy and Faith’s faces were the color of perfectly ripe apples.

“But...no, we...were just...looking for that thing!” Buffy said.

“Yeah! We...came out to find the thing!” Faith said.

Willow giggled. “Please, please stop with the lame denials because I’m gonna burst out laughing if you keep it up and I laugh really loud and then Xander will come out here to see what the funny’s about and we won’t have time to talk, okay?” she said. “You’re both my friends no matter what, I don’t care if you like girls, all I care about is that you’re both happy. I won’t tell anyone, I promise. And let me just enter into evidence the following items. One,” Willow said, and glanced at the seat cushions. Buffy and Faith followed her eyes. Buffy’s panties were stuck there. “Someone’s panties. And unless Giles has a spicy British trollop on the side I’m thinking they belong to one of you. Two, this car? Doesn’t exactly smell like a car that two girls haven’t had sex in, if you know what I mean.”

Faith started giggling. Buffy’s face got even redder, but she eventually joined her.

“Oh my God,” Buffy said, and held her head in her hands.

“Good,” Willow said. “We’re past the denial phase now.”

“The window’s...kinda airing it out though,” Buffy said. “Um...right?”

“Sure, sweetie,” Willow said, and gave Buffy’s hand a reassuring pat. “The car hardly smells like wild crazy hot girl sex at all. Wild crazy hot girl sex? Nope, uh-uh, none of that here.”

“Shut up,” Buffy said, still holding her head in her hands and giggling.

“So look, your secret, if you want it to be a secret? Totally safe with me,” Willow said. “I’m just really happy for you guys, that’s all. I’m happy. Okay?”

“Thanks, Will,” Buffy said.

“Yeah. You’re a cool friend,” Faith said.

“Does...Xander or Giles know...?” Buffy said.

“Xander? Love him to death, but he’s not the sharpest tool in the shed,” Willow said. “And Giles is probably too British to think about that stuff. But if you guys aren’t a little more subtle they’ll find out. I mean, hey, you guys? Slayers? All, like, super kick-butt amazons? Cool, but...not so much with the acting ability. And I’m now going to bring up the awkward fact that someone who, um, isn’t me? Needs to get those panties out of the car.”

“Oh my God,” Buffy said, and stuffed the panties in her purse.

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Buffy. So what if you’re just a big pervert,” Willow said. Faith started giggling again.

“Shut up!” Buffy said, and giggled.

“Aw, it’s okay sweetie. You don’t even wanna know the stuff Xander and I have done,” Willow said. “In the car, at the Bronze, at the movies, on a canoe...”

“You did it in a canoe?” Faith said.

“Where did you do it at the Bronze?” Buffy said.

“Ladies room,” Willow said. “Remember how Xander was carrying that big shopping bag around?”

“How’d you do it in a canoe?” Faith said.

“Very, very carefully,” Willow said.

“Oh my God,” Buffy said. “We’re all perverts. All three of us are evil perverts.”

“Yup,” Faith said. “Especially you.”

“I’m happy for you guys,” Willow said, and kissed both their cheeks. “Now come on, we better be getting back now that we found our canary feather.”

“Canary feather?” Faith said.

“That’s why you guys came out here, right?” Willow said, as they got out of the car. She pulled a feather from her purse. “To find this canary feather we need for the spell we’re gonna do. It was under the seat.”

“Oh, so that’s where it was,” Faith said. “I was, uh, lookin’ all over for it.”

“Okay, so these new vamps,” Buffy said to Giles as she sat on the couch again next to Faith, Willow and Xander. “Tell me you’ve got something I can use. Like napalm.”

Willow had just finished pretending to do a spell which involved waving the canary feather over all their heads and mumbling something in Latin. “Blessing spell,” she had said, when she was done. “Protects against otherworldly manifestations zeroing in on any of our auras. Buffy told me she had a weird dream about leprechauns last night and I thought better safe than sorry. Um, not that we like, believe in leprechauns or anything? It’s just, y’know, Buffy said they were the same little guys with the Irish accents as last time, so...um, anyway we should be leprechaun-free for at least a week.” They were all drinking tea now.

“Those vampires were the Vigil of Saint Vigeous,” Giles said, sitting in the squeaky leather recliner across from them, looking down at a musty old book in his lap and pretending to believe Willow’s lie. Though he did think the canary feather was a nice touch.

“The Vigil of Sid Vicious?” Buffy said.

“Saint Vigeous,” Giles said. “Vigeous was a vampire who lived during the third century and tried to bring about the end of the world.”

“And they made him a saint?” Xander said. “Now that’s just wacky.”

“He wasn’t a saint, vampires call him that because Vigeous led a crusade through the Middle East. He massacred thousands, and became an inspirational figure to many vampires. It’s said that vampires are more powerful on Vigeous’ feast night, which is October 4th. The carnage Vigeous wreaked was so epic that his massacres have been commemorated by the more traditionalist vampire sects, including the Order of Aurelius, which you encountered last year, Buffy.”

“The Master,” Faith said.

“Yes, Faith,” Giles said, and smiled. “The Master was the head of the Order of Aurelius, until Buffy destroyed him. I see Rebecca kept you informed.”

“Yeah,” Faith said. “Once I became the Slayer Becca gave me like, a crash course on all the major vamp players, the ones B came up against plus all the rest. Y’know, like the Master, Kakistos, Dracula, Darla and Angelus, Spike and Drusilla. Actually Becca was planning on taking me out here eventually anyway. The Hellmouth’s where the action is and she talked about how she wanted to start coordinating me and Buffy a little, at least when big stuff came down.”

Buffy and Willow exchanged a look. Faith didn’t know what was going on there but they both suddenly seemed tense.

“You...know about all those guys?” Willow said.

“Sure,” Faith said. “Becca was always on the ball. Gotta give you props, B,” she added, and turned to Buffy, and squeezed her hand. “You’ve taken down some major bad guys. Stuff I hear about Angelus alone, he was...”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, interrupting her. Faith could see she was even more uncomfortable now, and now Xander seemed tense too. What the hell? Faith thought. She looked back at Giles. He wasn’t smiling anymore. Faith decided to take one more shot and then clam up for the night.

“You got a hell of a Slayer here, G-Man,” Faith said, and smiled at Buffy. “Stories Becca told me? The bad guys B’s taken down? I’m thinkin’ you got maybe the best Slayer there ever was. You should be proud.” Faith noticed Willow and Xander smiling out of the corner of her eye.

“Are you trying to make me blush?” Buffy said, and smiled at Faith. “And you’re not so bad yourself, Faith.”

“Me? Make you blush?” Faith said. “Never happen.”

“Am I impressive?” Buffy said. “Giles, call me impressive. Come on. Just this once.”

“Yes, Faith, she is a hell of a Slayer,” Giles said. “And yes, Buffy, you’re very impressive.”

“But perky. And intractable,” Buffy said. “Okay, you can all stop making me blush now.”

“Even me?” Faith said. Buffy smiled again.

“Yes, well...moving on,” Giles said. Watching over one Slayer was difficult enough; having two to look after definitely wasn’t covered in the Watcher’s Handbook and there was no established protocol. Giles hadn’t read the Handbook from front to back but he was also fairly certain that there was no established protocol for looking after two Slayers who were engaged in a passionate lesbian affair either, and he wasn’t sure what the proper etiquette was. He decided to wipe his glasses. “As I was saying, the traditional vampire sects, such as the Order of Aurelius, venerate Vigeous, but they aren’t part of his cult,” he said, wiping his glasses until they sparkled. He placed his book on the coffee table, facing them; the pages were brown, crumbling parchment. It was turned to an illustration of a vampire with a tattoo on his right hand.

“That’s the right tat,” Faith said. “But the rest is wrong. Our guys have pointy ears, snouts and red eyes. That just looks like a regular vamp.”

“Over the years a cult grew up around Vigeous,” Giles said. “That illustration depicts one of the original members. The vampires you fought would be descendants of that original cult; the tattoos alone prove that. But you must remember that this cult, which now calls itself the Vigil of Saint Vigeous, has existed for at least fifteen hundred years. The original members are all long-dead, but many of the surviving members of the Vigil are very old, even ancient.”

“And if the Master and Kakistos can change over time...” Faith said.

“These vampires have as well,” Giles said. “But their age doesn’t explain it all; the uniformity of their mutations makes no sense. Every vampire mutates differently as it ages. These wolf characteristics have to be the result of some kind of ongoing, conscious effort.”

“Maybe some magic helped them along?” Willow said.

“That’s what I was thinking, though there’s no clue what sort, beyond vague references to sacrifices made to Fenrir,” Giles said.

“Fenrir?” Xander said.

“Norse wolf god,” Willow said.

“Yes, and there’s a good argument to be made that the serpent depicted in the tattoos, though ostensibly an ouroboros, is actually an image of Jormungand. And Vigeous himself was of northern European ancestry.”

“Jormungand, Fenrir...maybe there really is a Norse gods connection here,” Willow said. “Wow. That’s really fascinating.”

“It is?” Faith said.

“Okay, I haven’t understood anything anyone’s said for the past minute,” Xander said.

“I can’t think of any funny words to confuse ‘Jormungand’ with,” Buffy said. “So I’m gonna just sit here and wait for Willow to explain it all.”

“Okay, we’re getting off track, but Jormungand and Fenrir are creatures of Norse mythology,” Willow said. “You know, the Norse gods? Thor, Odin?”

“No,” Buffy said. “Have I run into them at a party before?”

“The Norse gods are a pantheon sorta like the Greek gods...you know, Zeus, Apollo, Aphrodite, Athena,” Willow said. “Except the Norse gods are the gods that the Vikings believed in. Anyway their version of, sorta the devil was this guy named Loki, and he had three kids. Jormungand and Fenrir were two of them. Fenrir was--”

“I know this! The wolf god,” Buffy said. “See? I was paying attention.”

“You never pay half as much attention when I’m pointlessly lecturing you about long-forgotten ancient deities,” Giles muttered.

“Willow gives me a gold star,” Buffy said. “And sometimes a cookie.”

“Okay, so basically Fenrir was the wolf god and Jormungand was a huge sea serpent,” Willow said. “So big and huge that he encircles the whole world.”

“Like in the tat,” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Willow said. “At the end of the world Jormungand is supposed to rise up out of the oceans and poison the sky, and everything becomes darkness. But then Thor kills him.”

“Thor rocks,” Xander said. “I don’t care what anyone says, he can totally kick Superman’s butt. Thor has magic. Superman’s vulnerable to magic.”

“Sure, sweetie,” Willow said, and rubbed Xander’s shoulder. “Anyway Thor’s the god of thunder and lightning and he carries a big hammer, so, yeah. He rocks, in a big, like, smiting his enemies with a big hammer way. I prayed to him once. He was pretty cool. Big burly guy, red beard, and, y’know, big hammer.”

“Wait, Thor’s blonde,” Xander said. “And he doesn’t have a beard.”

“That’s comic book Thor, sweetie,” Willow said. “So anyway, okay, I prayed to Thor and we hung out a little. We went fishing on his boat and talked about Bjork.”

“Wait, like, you met him?” Faith said. “Seriously?”

“Not physically,” Willow said. “I was meditating and my mind reached out to the astral plane and he was there, so I prayed to him for help with this thing? So he took me on his boat and we hung out. You know, um, astrally.”

“What thing?” Xander said. “Wait a minute, Thor took you on his boat?”

“Yeah, he took me sailing in this Viking longship carved like a dragon,” Willow said. “He introduced me to a frost giant and a few goblins, it was cool.”

“You met a frost giant?” Xander said. “Wait, what’s a frost giant?”

Buffy was smiling.

“Just these big ugly giant ice guys,” Willow said. “Thor just wanted to show off for me. He was all, ‘Hey want me to, y’know, kick this frost giant’s butt for you Willow?’ So he kicks the frost giant’s butt and then he’s all like, ‘Hey Willow check this out’, and he’s like, lifting up a mountain and stuff. So yeah, we hung out, it was fun.”

“You...hung out...? With...Thor,” Giles said. “Hung out. With Thor.”

“Well...um...there was this test I wanted more time to study for so I asked Thor to make it snow,” Willow said. “Everyone thinks he just does lightning and thunder. But he likes a good snowstorm too. He’s a weather god. He was really psyched that I wasn’t just asking him for lightning like everyone else does.”

“Are you telling me that you asked Thor, the Norse god of thunder, to make it snow so you could get out of a test?” Giles said.

“Sure,” Willow said. “Thor doesn’t really get the whole concept of school. He told me he’d destroy the high school with a big ol’ lightning bolt if I wanted him to. I think he likes me. It’s probably the red hair. Plus we both like Bjork.”

“He likes Bjork?” Faith said.

“Well, she’s from Iceland, and Thor likes Iceland. Used to be a lot of Vikings there. He says he’s glad, um, that a nice girl from Iceland’s all famous now and getting a lot of attention...” Willow looked at Buffy, who was holding her head in her hands and giggling now. Willow started giggling too. “Anyway, then Thor asked me on a date,” Willow managed to say. “He was like, ‘C’mon, Willow, I’ll take you to Newfoundland. Newfoundland’s awesome.’ And I was like, ‘Okay Thor, but I gotta be home by eleven ’cuz I got this test’ and Thor’s like, ‘Hello? Totally doing that snowstorm for you tomorrow, remember? Not gonna be a test’, and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, cool.’ So anyway we sailed out to Newfoundland that night and we were like holding hands on his boat. We drank mead. It was all really romantic.”

“You held hands with Thor?” Xander said.

“It was last year,” Willow said. “You and I weren’t a couple then. And yeah, okay, Thor and I kissed? But it was only one kiss and there wasn’t any... well, there wasn’t much...I mean, Thor’s a pretty good-looking guy...but, um, y’know...I mean it was only our first date.”

“You kissed Thor?!” Xander shouted. “What else did you do with Thor?”

“You...asked Thor...Thor...to...create a snowstorm to get you out of a test?” Giles said, bewildered. “That’s...absolutely...and he actually did...?”

“She’d kidding, Giles, you sad, sad, British man,” Buffy said, laughing.

Willow burst out laughing too. “But I had them going!” she said, and pointed at Giles, Xander and Faith. “Look at their faces!”

“Shit,” Faith said, and started laughing.

“You shouldn’t have said anything Buffy, I was gonna talk all about our second date next. Y’know, just Thor and me and his big hammer,” Willow added, looking devilishly at Xander.

“Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen to you later tonight,” Xander said, and whispered something in Willow’s ear. Willow gasped and started giggling.

“Yes, well that was a pleasant diversion,” Giles said, and wiped his glasses at everyone. “Perhaps we can return to the world ending now.”

“Okay Will, you got me fair and square, but I’m just gonna say in my defense? You like, prayed to some Greek goddess to do that smoke spell yesterday. Plus you did kinda throw a lightning bolt last month,” Faith said. “Who knows, maybe Thor digs you after all.”

“He’s not my type,” Willow said. “Now Apollo, he can call me anytime.”

“Okay, that does it!” Xander said, and grabbed Willow around the waist and started tickling her.

“I’ll be good, I’ll be good!” Willow screamed, laughing. Xander relented.

Giles sighed, and continued wiping his glasses.

“Okay, I’m afraid I’m gonna have to ask for order in the court now,” Buffy said. “Mostly because I want to get to the Bronze, but also because Giles just hit heavy glasses-wiping mode. I can hear the things squeaking.”

“Can I just say how it’s weird and scary that like, every single god anyone ever believed in, ever, really seems to exist?” Xander said.

“That’s the point,” Willow said. “They exist because we believe.”

“Okay, so what’s Fenrir do?” Xander said. “And if I don’t believe in him will he go away?”

“He helps destroy the world during Ragnarok,” Willow said. “And enough Vikings believed in him way back when that he’s not going away anytime soon.”

“Wait, why would some big wolf god wanna destroy the world during Fraggle Rock?” Buffy said. “Is it even still on the air?”

“Ragnarok, sweetie,” Willow said. “Norse term for the end of the world. But we’re getting off-track here.”

“Yeah,” Faith said. “Doesn’t matter much how these vamps got all bad ass, we need to know how to fight them. They got any weaknesses?”

“They have the standard weaknesses,” Giles said. “Stakes, beheading and sunlight are all effective. But these vampires are faster and stronger than what you’re used to. Now a Slayer is stronger than any normal vampire, and you’re both stronger than these vampires as well. But not by nearly as much, and from what I’ve read their speed, at least, is a match for yours.”

“Great,” Faith said, as Giles got up and walked to the rocking chair. A crate sat on top of it. He opened it up and pulled out two swords in scabbards.

“So you’ll need to change tactics,” Giles said, and handed the swords to Buffy and Faith. They pulled them from their scabbards and turned them over in their hands. They looked like the katanas they had used before, only shorter. But no less deadly. “Not only are these vampires stronger and faster than you’re used to but there are simply too many of them to fight hand-to-hand; you need weapons. These are wakizashi. They’re one-handed blades the Japanese used specifically for beheading defeated opponents. Your best tactic is the wakizashi in one hand and your stake in the other, and that’s what I expect you to do.”

“Swords are cool but they won’t be much help against a hundred of those wolf vamps,” Faith said. “They come at us in force and it’s game over.”

“And we have other problems,” Xander said. “There were those four old priest guys, plus those regular vampires who delivered the Key in the first place. We’ve got three groups of bad guys here at least.”

“About the priests, I haven’t been able to find anything whatsoever,” Giles said. “For all we know they may actually be priests--defrocked priests, one would hope--or they may simply dress the part. As for those vampires who delivered the Key, I would think our usual sources would be of more use than my books.”
“Looks like I’m paying a visit to Willy,” Buffy said. “It’s been awhile since I beat him up anyway. He’s probably feeling all lonely and neglected.”

“Can’t have that,” Faith said.

“When you two go out tonight, I want you to take these swords with you,” Giles said. “In fact, from this moment on I want you to carry them on your person at all times. You encountered over a hundred of those vampires last night and for all we know there could be many more.”

“Wear the swords all the time?” Faith said. “How do we do that? I mean, without getting arrested?”

“Find a way,” Giles said. “Wear it under your coat. Think of something.”

“Cops around here have never been too on the ball anyway,” Xander said.

“Got anything smaller?” Buffy said.

“No,” Giles said. “I chose these specifically because they’re the smallest weapons in my arsenal that can be used effectively for beheading.”

“How about we wear ’em just at night?” Faith said.

“If you’re planning on staying home and watching television during the day, certainly,” Giles said. “If you step one foot outside you’ll be wearing one of these swords, day or night, and that’s the end of it.”

Hot damn, Faith thought. Giles has a tone. But it still didn’t make her sit up straight like Rebecca’s did.

“What about the Horsemen?” Buffy said. “I know we have the Key now, but...what if there’s some other way to free them?”

“There isn’t, thankfully,” Giles said. “And as for the Horsemen themselves, there really isn’t much in the literature. Just hints and rumors, and fragments of legend. Though I was able to find out more about the Key. It seems that merely possessing it isn’t enough. There’s a ritual that has to be performed...”

“There’s always a ritual,” Buffy said. “Can’t they just say abra-kadabra for once? I mean, hello, Slayer here. Do I look like I want to do homework?” “What kind of ritual?” Willow said, perking up at the idea.

A summoning ritual,” Giles said. “Though there’s no clue what sort. It could be extremely elaborate, or as simple as saying a few words. But it must be performed above a Hellmouth, at sunset, on the last day of the waning moon.”

“The last day of the waning moon?” Buffy said. “When’s that?”

“It’s the last day that part of the moon is visible before the new moon,” Giles said. “When the moon is in the new phase its illuminated half faces directly toward the sun and away from us; from the Earth the new moon is invisible. The last day of the waning moon would be the seventeenth, three days from now.”

“The question is, now that we have the Key, what move will they make?” Buffy said. “Are they gonna hang around and try to get it back? There’s gonna be another day before the new moon every month forever. Can we destroy the Key?”

“No,” Giles said. “The Key can’t be damaged by any physical means. My sources are all quite clear on that.”

“Bullcookies,” Buffy said.

“We hide it,” Faith said. “The thing’s a little rock. We get it out of town, lock it up somewhere. Hell, dump it in a rock quarry, or the middle of the ocean. They’d never find it again.”

“Unless they can find a way to track it magically,” Willow said.

“Is there a way?” Buffy said. “Can they track it to my house somehow?”

“Maybe,” Willow said. “The Key is magical, it should leave vibrations, an energy trail. Whether the bad guys can pick that trail up...I don’t know.”

“If there’s a way for them to find the Key our only other choice is take these Vigil guys out,” Faith said. “If we can’t keep the Key away from them we gotta keep them away from the Key.”

“Back to square one,” Xander said. “Us versus a hundred super-vamps.”

“For now let’s not do anything reckless,” Giles said. “I’ll keep digging, and I’ll see if the Council knows anything that might help. There’s a book the Council archives has just acquired that may shed some light on some of this; they’re sending it to me now. You two will wear those swords at all times, and--”

“Never was much for swords,” Buffy said, getting up. “Clashes with my outfit anyway. I mean, what, I’m gonna wear a scabbard on my skirt? Tell you what, I’ll bring it with me if we ever decide to go back to that crypt in the--”

“You’ll wear it!” Giles shouted, leaping out of his chair.

The room went silent. Buffy and Giles faced each other.

“Why...are you...?” Buffy said, quietly.

Then she turned, and looked at Faith, Willow, and Xander.

“Can you guys...give us a minute?” she said.

“We’ll be...um...out at the car,” Willow said. She took Xander’s hand. “Come on, Faith,” she said.

“Yeah...okay,” Faith said, and took her sword, and rubbed Buffy’s shoulder, and followed them out.

A few seconds later, Buffy and Giles were alone. Giles walked away from her, and looked at the hat rack.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Buffy said.

He turned, and looked at her.

“I don’t want to make tea for the next girl,” he said.

Twenty minutes later, Buffy came out to the car, carrying her sword. Faith opened the door, and Buffy climbed into the backseat next to her.

“You okay?” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “Giles was right and I was wrong. Faith, you and I are gonna carry these swords from now on, okay? Whenever we leave the house, day or night, we’re gonna have these with us. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Faith said, holding up her sword and looking at it. “Kind of a pain in the ass, but...I guess it’ll go all right under my leather coat.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “We’ll make it work.”

“So where to?” Xander said.

“Since I can’t smack Giles I guess I’ll have to settle for Willy,” Buffy said. Xander chuckled, started up the car, and pulled away.

“Buffy...Giles just cares about you, that’s all,” Willow said, turning around in the front seat and taking Buffy’s hand. “He doesn’t want to see you hurt. None of us do. If you kept on being all, y’know, stubborn about wearing the sword? I was ready to go all scowly,” she said, and did her scowly face.

“Father knows best, B,” Faith said. “You’re his girl.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, and smiled. “I know.”