Thirteen

THE HIGH PRIESTESS

Faith woke up naked in a bathtub. Everything smelled perfumey. She was covered with soapy bubble bath. Her hair was wet and it smelled like apples.

Her head didn’t hurt anymore and her stomach felt good too; there was only a very slight pinching sensation there that she could easily ignore. Her right arm and her left ankle both felt numb, which was a big improvement on excruciating. But she didn’t have any energy...she felt like a dried-out sponge.

The room wasn’t spinning and it was in focus too so she looked around. She was in a nice, modern bathroom, with pretty, aqua-colored tile. The bathtub was big. She saw her right leg in the air. Everything seemed slow, somehow, like her head needed an extra couple of seconds to catch up with what her eyes were showing it. She only noticed things after she had already seen them and was looking at the next thing. She suddenly noticed that her right leg was in the air. She wondered why.

She followed her leg with her eyes. It was covered with ugly purple bruises. Eventually the leg led her to Buffy. Buffy was holding her leg up by the foot, and washing the foot with a soapy facecloth.

“Okay, uh...what?” Faith said.

“You needed a bath,” Buffy said. “You had blood all over you, and I need to clean your wounds before I can put the bandages on. How’s your pain?”

“B...?” Faith said.

Buffy smiled, and took her hand, and kissed it.

“Yeah, baby,” she said. “It’s Doctor Buffy. Wanna tell me how your pain’s doing?”

“You’re giving me a bath?” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “You needed your wounds cleaned. Now, third time’s the charm. How’s your pain?”

“Okay. I feel pretty good.”
“Okay. I got you on morphine pills every four hours, so there’s lots more nice sleepy numbness coming soon. Are you hungry?” Buffy gently lowered her leg and started washing her other foot.
“Yeah.”

“Xander’s cooking up a storm for you downstairs. Lots of good meat. We got steak and chicken cutlets, and lots of ’em. Meat loaf too, if you want Xander to heat it up. Plus corn, rice, mashed potatoes, and jelly donuts. And string beans if you insist, but we all hate string beans.”

“I like string beans.”

“Yeah, but we both know you only like them because I hate them.”

“Probably,” Faith said, and grinned. “This is...uh...kinda weird.”

“Well, a broken arm and a broken ankle, you can’t give yourself a bath,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, but...”

“Faith, let me ask you a question. If I needed my wounds cleaned and I was too hurt to do it myself, would you do it for me? Would you give me a bath?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Buffy said, and put the facecloth down. “All nice and clean. I’m gonna lift you up and have you sit on the toilet while I dry you off, okay? Remember not to put any weight on your left ankle when you sit.”

“Okay,” Faith said. Buffy put a towel on the lid of the toilet bowl, and gently lifted Faith out of the tub, and sat her down on top of it. She took another towel from the cabinet above her, knelt down in front of Faith, and started gently drying her off, lightly dabbing the towel across her skin, careful not to aggravate her bruises. Most of them had gone from red to purple, now; they looked ugly but Buffy knew it was a good sign. She’d had her share of bruises before and she knew the bad ones always got a lot uglier as they healed up.

“Buffy,” Faith said, as Buffy gently dried off her legs and feet, being very careful around the broken ankle.

“Yeah?” Buffy said.

“I love you,” Faith said.

Buffy looked up at her, with a little tear in her eye, and smiled.

“I love you too,” Buffy said, and kissed her.

“Guess who’s coming to dinner?” Buffy said, as she carried Faith downstairs in a nightgown forty minutes later. Faith had bandages on her right foot and two of the fingers of her right hand. Her left ankle had a pressure bandage on it and an ice pack taped to it. Her right arm was supported by a sling around her neck, and it had a splint holding it in place.

“Hey, if it isn’t my favorite Slayer!” Xander said, with that goofy giggle he had, turning away from the stove, where he was cooking up steaks. The room smelled like steak and chicken and corn and potatoes and once her head caught up to her eyes Faith realized this was because there was steak and chicken and corn and potatoes on the table, and she also realized she was absolutely ravenous. “Uh...second favorite,” Xander said, as Buffy smiled at him. “Wait, co-favorite.”

“She can be your favorite, Xander,” Buffy said. “She’s my favorite.”

“I’m good with second favorite,” Faith said.

“Hey sweetie,” Willow said, and looked up from her laptop. The food was on the table all wrapped up in plastic wrap. Faith realized they had all been waiting for her to come down before they ate. “How you doin’?” Willow said, and smiled at her. “Is the pain all gone? Feelin’ all, nice and mellow?”

“I’m feelin’ pretty groovy, Will,” Faith said. “My head’s kinda stuck in neutral right now. Damn, that food smells good.”

“Yup, she’s a Slayer,” Xander said. “How do you like your steak?”

“Bloody,” Faith said.

“So does Buffy,” Xander said. “Must be a Slayer thing. You like Worcestershire sauce?”

“Uh...what who sauce?” Faith said.

“It’s this sauce that Xander insists on putting on all meat at all times,” Buffy said, and sat Faith down at the table. “He won’t cook unless I have it in the house for him.”

“I don’t put it on turkey,” Xander said. “That would just be wrong.”

“Long as it’s a good hunk o’ meat I’m good with however you wanna jazz it up, Xan Man,” Faith said, eyeing the meat the way a lion eyes a gazelle.

“Okay, dig in,” Buffy said. “I want you to get some food in you right now. “What’s first?”

“Uh,” Faith said, and tried to move her right arm toward her fork, before she remembered she couldn’t.

“This is gonna be weird, I know,” Buffy said. “I’m gonna have to cut your food for you. Just deal, okay? You’ll be doing it yourself again soon.”

“Uh...okay,” Faith said. “Xander’s gonna goof on me.”

“Only when you’re not around,” Xander said.

“I’ll kick his ass if he makes fun of you, okay sweetie?” Willow said.

“Take that threat very seriously,” Xander said.

“Okay,” Faith said.

“So what’s first on the menu?” Buffy said. “Want some chicken cutlets? How about some cutlets and potatoes while Xander’s finishing up your steak?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Faith said. Buffy put two chicken cutlets and a big pile of potatoes on Faith’s plate, and started cutting the meat for her.

“Brown gravy?” Buffy said.

“Yeah,” Faith said.

“Look on the bright side,” Buffy said, as she cut the meat and poured brown gravy on the potatoes. “You’ve got one good arm, at least you don’t have to deal with me actually feeding you. I’d be all, ‘Here comes the airplane...’”

“I’d kick that little butt,” Faith said, and started eating.

“Would it be on like Donkey Kong?” Buffy said.

“You know it,” Faith said. “Damn, Xan Man, you cook all this up? The way you did this breading is really sweet too.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I have my own recipe for the breading. You like?”

“Damn straight, guy,” Faith said. “You can cook your butt off.”

“Yeah, my parents were all about going out and leaving me to my own devices,” Xander said. “Which mainly consisted of microwave dinners and pizza. I got tired of that after awhile and started learning to cook for myself.” He put a bloody steak on a plate and set it down beside Faith. Buffy started cutting it up.

“’Rents fell down on the job a little, huh?” Faith said.

“Actually I don’t think they even bothered showing up for work,” Xander said, and sat down.

“I can relate, dude,” Faith said. “You rocked these potatoes too.”

“‘Pihdaydiz’?” Xander said, and giggled. “What’s that?”

“There he goes. Goofin’ on me, huh?” Faith said.

“A little, Sarge,” Xander said.

“You really rocked the po-tay-toes,” Faith said. “How’s that?”

“Keep sayin’ ‘pihdaydiz’,” Xander said. “It’s cute. But thanks. They’re one of the first things I learned to cook. I likes me some mashed pihdaydiz.”

“He’s gonna make some lucky gal a fine wife someday,” Willow said.

“And I never, ever get tired of that joke, honey,” Xander said, and gave Willow a little peck on the cheek.

“Steak is served,” Buffy said, and set the plate of pre-cut steak in front of Faith. She took a forkful and held it up in front of Faith’s mouth. “Here comes the airplane...” Buffy said, with a big smile.

“I’m so gonna kick that little butt,” Faith said, and let Buffy feed it to her.

“Hello? Worcestershire sauce!” Xander said, and grabbed the bottle of Worcestershire sauce from the middle of the table and started liberally sprinkling it on Faith’s steak. “What is wrong with you people?”

“What if she doesn’t like it?” Buffy said. “You’re like, totally Worcestershire-izing her whole steak.”

“Everyone likes it,” Xander said.

“Maybe Xander’s right,” Buffy said, as she laid Faith down in her bed later. She took the ice pack off Faith’s ankle, and put pillows under the ankle to keep it elevated. “Maybe the whole world really does like Worcestershire sauce.”

“Works good on chicken cutlets too,” Faith said, and watched Buffy move in her nightgown in the dark.

“I think even Xander was impressed when you did that,” Buffy said. “I thought for a minute there you were gonna try some on your jelly donuts.”

“Not gonna lie to ya, B,” Faith said. “I was thinking about it.”

Buffy checked the alarm clock by the bed. “Okay, time for your pills again,” she said, and walked out of the room, and came back a moment later with a glass of water. She sat on the bed, took the bottle of morphine pills from the nightstand, and held out two pills to Faith. Faith took the pills, and drank the whole glass of water.

“Thirsty? Want more water?” Buffy said.

“A little,” Faith said.

“Be right back.” Buffy took the glass and walked out of the room, and came back a moment later with another glass of water.

“Don’t worry, we got filters,” Buffy said. “Our tap water’s like the same deal as spring water now. Want some ice for it?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Faith said, and drank some of the water, and put the glass down on the nightstand.

Buffy took off her nightgown and her bra, and got into bed with her. She gently brought Faith close to her, and Faith curled up against her breasts, as Buffy pulled the covers over her.

“Nice and warm under the covers, baby?” Buffy said, and put her arms around her, and held her close, and kissed her forehead.

“Yeah,” Faith said. “I’m always warm when I’m with you.”

Buffy ran her fingers through Faith’s hair. They looked into each other’s eyes, in the dark.

“I love you, Faith,” Buffy said. “I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you too,” Faith said.

They kissed.

They were quiet. Faith leaned her head against Buffy’s breasts, and Buffy caressed Faith’s hair.

“I used to have to go to the hospital all the time when I was a kid,” Faith said. “With my Mom. After she would kick the shit out of me. I’d have to...I’d have to make up stories. That’s...why I don’t like hospitals.”

Buffy kissed her again, with tears in her eyes now.

“You’re with me now, Faith,” Buffy said. “I’ll always protect you. I’m not gonna let anyone ever hurt you again. Not ever again, baby.”

Faith nodded, and started to cry, and held on tight to her.

“You always...you always take care of me,” Faith said.

“I always will,” Buffy said. “You’re my baby girl and I love you.”

“I love you too,” Faith said. “I want to take care of you too.”

“Okay,” Buffy said. “I’d like that.”

They kissed for awhile, and looked into each other’s eyes, with tears streaming down their cheeks.

“There’s something...I need to tell you,” Buffy said.

“Hope it’s not too complicated,” Faith said, and smiled. “I’m feelin’ pretty mellow. I’m pumped full of morphine and Worcestershire sauce.”

Buffy giggled, and kissed her. She kissed Faith’s tears away.

Then she looked into her eyes again.

“I remember, Faith,” Buffy said. “I remember our night.”

“Our...our night?” Faith whispered, and searched Buffy’s eyes.

“The night I loved you, baby,” Buffy whispered, as her tears came faster. “She, she gave it back to me, baby. The Slayer gave it back to me.”

“You...remember...?” Faith said.

“Every second,” Buffy said, as Faith kissed her tears. “I remember loving you all night long, and holding you in my arms until the sun came up. I remember how you worshipped me, and then how you got scared when I took you, baby, and you cried. But we went slow, we went slow, and then you were okay, baby.”

Faith nodded, and started crying again too.

“I was a virgin for you that night,” Faith said. “You were my first. Those guys...the guys in Boston, they didn’t, they didn’t count. It was just you, Buffy. It was never anyone but you.”

“They were never inside you, baby,” Buffy said. “I’m the only one you ever let in.”

“Because I love you,” Faith said. “I love you, Buffy. You’re my girl. You’re my girl.”

“And you’re my ham girl,” Buffy said, and smiled, and kissed Faith’s hand.

Faith nodded, and giggled.

“When...did you remember?” Faith said.

“Tonight,” Buffy said. “All of a sudden...I just...remembered. She gave it back to me.”

Faith kissed Buffy’s breasts.

“I wanted to tell you,” Faith said. “But...”

“Now I know why you were acting all weird in the motel room after we woke up,” Buffy said. “And, um, how the dildo got in my purse.”

Faith giggled.

“The Slayer’s sneaky,” Faith said.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “I am.”

“I want it again,” Faith said. “Can we do that again?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “My baby liked it, huh?”

Faith nodded. Buffy kissed her.

“When you’re better, baby,” Buffy said. “We’ll do it again. Okay?”

Faith nodded again, and yawned.

“Pills kicking in,” Buffy said. “You’re a sleepy Slayer. You’re my little sleepy kitten now.”

“I’m all kinds of stuff,” Faith said. “I’m your baby, and a kitten, and chocolate syrup...”

“You’re my kitty-cat too.”

“I’m a kitty-cat? Is that different from a kitten?”

“Kittens like cuddles, and little kisses,” Buffy said, and smiled. “But kitty-cats like being kissed somewhere else.”

“Kinda hard to choose now, but I think I’m kinda leanin’ toward kitty-cat,” Faith said, and caressed Buffy’s breasts with her one good hand.

“You’re high on morphine and Worcestershire sauce. And you’re a sleepy Slayer, baby. Sleepy Slayers need to go to sleep.”

“What about horny Slayers?”

“Horny Slayers need to go to sleep too.”

“Damn,” Faith said, and giggled again.

“Tomorrow, okay?” Buffy said, and kissed her again. “Tomorrow, if you follow Doctor Buffy’s orders and you’re feeling a little better? I’ll give you a nice kiss there, okay baby?”

“Okay,” Faith said, and yawned again. “Gonna hold you to that.”

“You’re my horny, sleepy Slayer, huh baby?” Buffy said.

Faith nodded. “I’m a bunch of stuff,” she said. “A kitten and a kitty-cat, and chocolate syrup, and a horny, sleepy Slayer...”

“And my baby.”

“And your baby. And your ham girl.”

“And the most beautiful girl in the world. And a lion. And my cub.”

“It’s cool,” Faith said, and smiled, and kissed her. “I can be all those things. I’m gonna be whatever you want me to be.”

“Just be you, okay?” Buffy said. “I just want you to be you. You’re the girl I fell in love with, just the way you are.”

Faith nodded. “You’re just one thing,” she said.

“Yeah?” Buffy said. “What’s that?”

“My girl,” Faith said, and kissed her again.

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “And I don’t want to ever be anything else, baby.”

They kissed for awhile longer. Faith felt sluggish now, like every part of her was slowing down; she knew the morphine was working through her system and she would be asleep soon. But she felt warm, too.

Faith suddenly noticed the ceiling. It was covered with little white spots. “Hey, what’s all that stuff up there?” she said, pointing up at it.

“Glow-in-the-dark stick-on stars,” Buffy said.

“What in the what what?” Faith said, and squinted up at the ceiling. It was hard to concentrate, and the ceiling was becoming blurry and insubstantial now.

“Stick-on stars,” Buffy said. “They’re these things you put on your ceiling, and when you turn off the lights they get all glowy and look like stars, like you’re looking up at the sky. They’re kinda lame and girly. I need to take ’em down.”

How long have they been up there?”

“Since we bought the place. I used to have them in my room in Los Angeles too. You’re just noticing them now? You’ve been here a bunch of times.”

“I was always too busy looking at you, beautiful,” Faith said, and snuggled up against Buffy’s breasts.

Buffy kissed her hair, and held her tight.

“Kinda like the stars,” Faith said. Just...y’know...maybe...jazz ’em up.”

“Jazz them up?” Buffy said. “How?”

She heard Faith snoring softly.

“Go to sleep, kitty-cat,” Buffy whispered. “We’ll jazz up the galaxy another time.”

“I’m gonna kick your ass,” Willow said.

They were in Buffy’s mother’s bedroom. It was a nice big bedroom, neat, with a deep rug and a king-sized bed; it smelled like Joyce’s perfume. But Xander still felt a little uncomfortable in there. Sleeping in Buffy’s mother’s bed was something he never thought he’d do, except in that one fantasy he’d had involving him being the captain of the football team and Joyce spilling a martini on her shirt and having to change, and then Xander’s shoulders hurt from breaking all those tackles on his way to running in the winning touchdown, and Joyce asked him if he wanted a massage. But Buffy had pointed out that she and Faith were going to be using her bed and that the bed in the spare room was going to be Faith’s once her mother came back from vacation and that Slayers had a great sense of smell and Faith might not appreciate the spare room smelling like Willow and Xander boinking. “So just take my Mom’s room,” Buffy had said. “And don’t be too gross,” she had added, and walked away, giggling.

Willow stood in front of Xander with her arms folded across her chest. He sat on the bed in his tee-shirt and sweatpants. Willow was wearing her cow pajamas that made her look like the most adorable thing on planet Earth and she was doing the scowly face. Xander knew Willow was doing the scowly face to signal to him that everything was going to be okay and she wouldn’t be angry at him forever. But there was real hurt underneath, and Xander saw it...

Mostly, it was in her eyes. They were moist, and very bright.

“Okay,” Xander said.

She walked away from him. “Do you still...still like Buffy?” Willow said. “Like, have a crush on her?”

“No,” Xander said.

“What about Cordelia?” Willow said, with her back turned to him. “Or Faith? Or all the, y’know, like, bajillion other girls you’re always noticing?”

“Not a bajillion,” Xander said. “More like a gazillion. A gazillion is less than a bajillion.”

She stood, facing away from him, looking at the wall.

He got up and put his arms around her.

“Will...you’re the only girl I want,” he said. “Yeah, okay, there are pretty girls out there and I notice them. It’s that damn Y chromosome. But I hope I’m not too obnoxious about it. And I don’t want those other girls. I want you.”

“You’re not obnoxious about it anymore,” Willow said. “Once we started dating you stopped being obnoxious about it. Except for Katie Holmes.”

“Special case, celebrities don’t count. I get Katie, you get Van Der Beek. We get one celebrity each.”

Willow nodded, but she still didn’t turn around...still didn’t look at him.

He turned her around, and kissed her.

“Look, cowgirl,” Xander said. “Yeah, there are pretty girls out there. There are funny girls out there, and smart girls out there, and sweet girls out there. But you’re the whole package. All those girls? Buffy and Faith, and Cordelia? They’re great...okay, Cordelia, maybe not so great...but If I dated any of them they’d all be a step down from you.”

“Yeah, right,” Willow said, and chuckled, without mirth. “They’re not a step down. They’re like three steps up. They’re all like, fabulous and hot and... y’know...they...wear great shoes and...”

“Okay,” Xander said. “Now I’m gonna kick your ass.”

“Yeah?” Willow said.

“Willow, this thing? This thing you have where you’re the only person in the world who doesn’t see how awesome you are? How pretty, and smart, and funny, and sweet you are? I can’t get you past it. You gotta work it out yourself. All I can do? Is keep telling you how much I love you...keep showing you how much I love you. But you’re gonna have to do the work. You get nervous when I mention other girls because you think I’m looking to trade up. But I’ve already got the most kick-ass car on the lot and any of those other ones are trading down.”

She looked away from him, down at the floor. He lifted her chin up, and looked at her.

“You always do that thing, where you brush your teeth in perfect circles like the dentist told you, even though everyone else in the world just brushes up and down,” Xander said. “You loop your hair around your fingers when you’re nervous, and you tell dirty jokes sometimes and then you do your big goofy gigantically loud laugh that sounds like a fire drill. You always cut the crust off bread and you still get all emotional when A Charlie Brown Christmas is on. You get scared sometimes when we’re helping Buffy, but you keep insisting on helping anyway. I need all those things, Willow, and I only get them from you.”

“Yeah?” she said, and smiled, just a little.

“You’re a big pervert too,” Xander said. “And you wear cow pajamas and you do the scowly face and you listen to that weird non-danceable British music. I need all those things.”

She hugged him.

Then she looked up at him, and smiled.

“I think you especially need the pervert part,” she said, and touched his leg. “Are you at attention, soldier? Wait, what was your rank again? Y’know, the military guy memories rank? I keep forgetting.”

“Specialist,” Xander said.

“And what did you specialize in?” she said, and kissed him, and giggled.

“Guns,” Xander said, as Willow pulled down his sweatpants.

“Oh, yeah?” she said, and pulled his boxers down, and took him in her hand. He moaned. “And what did you do with them?”

“Put them...together...like...assembled them. Uh...fired them...”

“I’m assembling one too,” she said, as she stroked him. “It keeps on getting bigger, the more I assemble it. It’s like twice as big as it was just a second ago. It’s all, y’know, getting assembled.”

“You’re an awesome specialist,” Xander said.

“Feels like my gun’s all assembled and ready to shoot,” she said, and kissed him again. “And I even did it with one hand.”

She led him to the bed, took off her pajamas, sat him down, and knelt in front of him.

“I have another specialty,” she said, and looked up at him, and smiled. “And I bet I do it so much better than Cordy.”

“I’d love to see a demonstration of this specialty,” Xander said. “For military...uh...purposes.”

She giggled.

“Yes, sir,” she whispered, and took him in her mouth.

After Faith fell asleep, Buffy finally allowed herself to feel the thing she had been afraid of...the thing she had been pretending wasn’t there.

She wondered if Faith would leave her. She wondered if this would be their last night together. She would have to tell Faith about Angel the next day...

...And she wondered if she would lose her.

Buffy had been thinking about it for awhile now. She looked over at the alarm clock. It was nearly four. Faith had been asleep for hours. Buffy hadn’t slept. She had spent the time thinking...and cherishing every moment. If this was her last night with Faith, she was going to experience all of it. She wasn’t going to let herself sleep.

She kissed Faith’s forehead. She’d been kissing her, in her sleep; she’d been covering Faith’s face in soft little kisses for hours now.

She listened to Faith’s breathing. Faith snored a little, softly. Buffy liked the sound. She could hear Faith’s heartbeat, when she reached out with her senses. She listened to it. It was strong and slow and steady.

She took in Faith’s scent. Like peaches...with a hint of muskiness underneath.

“I love you, Faith,” Buffy whispered. “If this is it for us? It was still worth it, baby. It was still worth it.”

Another scent suddenly came to her: strawberries...Willow.

There was a gentle knock at the door, and Willow walked into the room, in her cow pajamas.

“Hey,” Willow whispered. “Um...you awake?”

“Yeah,” Buffy whispered.

Buffy suddenly realized her breasts were exposed. She blushed, and tried to pull the covers up. But it was difficult to bring the covers up over herself, because Faith’s head was resting on her breasts, and Buffy didn’t want to move her. She knew Faith liked sleeping that way. And Buffy liked her sleeping that way, too. She settled for covering her breasts with her free hand. She hoped Willow didn’t notice her blushing in the dark.

Willow sat on the edge of the bed, and smiled.

“Relax, girlfriend,” Willow said, softly, and caressed Faith’s hair. “Seen the bodacious ta-ta’s before. How’s she doing?”

“Morphine nuked her pain,” Buffy whispered. “She’s tired, but she’s healing up.”

“Yeah. She’s strong.”

“Um...so what’s up?”

“We need to talk. It’s important.”

“What...now?”

“Yeah. In private. Just me and you. Downstairs.”

Buffy didn’t want to. She didn’t want to leave Faith alone. She didn’t want to miss a moment...because she didn’t know how many moments they had left...

“She’ll still be here when you get back, y’know,” Willow said, and smiled. “No one’s gonna steal her. Well, Xander might, but he’s all tired out right now.”

“Okay,” Buffy said.

“Meet me downstairs,” Willow said, and got up and walked to the door.

Then she turned, and looked back at Buffy.

“You can throw some clothes on if you want,” Willow said, and smiled.

Five minutes later, they sat at the kitchen table together.

“So what’s up?” Buffy said.

“There’s something I gotta tell you,” Willow said. “And before I tell you? I just want to say...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen, Buffy. But it happened and there’s nothing we can do about it so...um...we just gotta deal.”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing to you,” Buffy said, and looked down at the table. “After what Angelus did to you...I wouldn’t blame you if you walked out of my life forever.”

“Hey,” Willow said

Buffy looked up at her. Willow took her hand.

“Never happen,” Willow said, and looked in her eyes. “You read me, girlfriend? That’s never gonna happen. Got it?”

Buffy nodded. There was something strange in Willow’s voice... something different...

Willow kissed her hand.

After she did it, Buffy noticed something strange in Willow’s eyes, too... Willow looked surprised, for a second. She let Buffy’s hand go, and blushed.

“Um...yeah, so...um...” Willow said. “So we gotta talk.”

“Will...are you okay?” Buffy said.

“That’s kinda hard to answer right now. Look...I don’t really know exactly how to tell you this so I’m just gonna tell you. It’s...about Faith.”

“What? What about her?”

“In the car. When I took her hand, and got inside her head, to see how bad she was hurt? Something...went wrong.”

“What?” Buffy said, and sat up straight. “Is she...?”

“No, nothing like that, you don’t have to worry, sweetie,” Willow said. “There’s nothing wrong with Faith.”

Buffy relaxed.

“Then...what is it?” Buffy said. “What are you telling me?”

“When I got inside Faith’s head, I was, y’know, looking around, trying to find where she was hurt,” Willow said. “I’ve done it before. I did it for Giles that time, when Angelus and Dru tortured him...I know how to do it. But...with Faith... something happened.”

“What happened?”

“Her memories...you know I can read people’s memories too, when I want. Well...I didn’t mean to but...her memories just...came at me. And...”

“You...read her memories? How much of them? Which ones?”

“All of them,” Willow said. “I’m sorry, Buffy. I didn’t want that to happen. I still don’t know how it did...I wasn’t trying to read her memories...”

“So like...you know...everything Faith knows?” Buffy said. “Everything?”

“Yeah,” Willow said,

Buffy’s face turned red.

Willow took Buffy’s hand. “I know, Buffy,” Willow said. “I know...how you feel about me. And I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

Buffy nodded, and looked down at the table.

“Hey,” Willow said, softly. “Hey, beautiful. Look at me.”

Buffy looked up at her.

“If I liked girls? If I was...that way?” Willow said, and smiled. “I would’ve been with you, Buffy. We would’ve been together.”

Willow’s voice had that strange quality again...Buffy couldn’t put her finger on it...couldn’t figure out exactly why she sounded different. It was Willow’s voice, but...it was different...

Then, it hit her. Buffy knew what it was...she knew what was different.

Willow was speaking with a Boston accent.

“You belong with Xander anyway,” Buffy said. “He makes you happy.”

“And you belong with Faith,” Willow said. “But...Buffy...there’s more. I didn’t just read Faith’s memories. I...”

“You...what?”

“It was like...what happened with Dru,” Willow said. “Dru did it to me on purpose, because she was stronger than me and she was able to hypnotize me. She was able to control me, direct me. But, Faith...I think with her it was maybe because she’s a Slayer, and her mind is just so much more powerful than a regular person’s...I just wasn’t prepared for it. She overwhelmed me...she didn’t do it on purpose, but it was like I...got lost...like I lost myself. I thought I was her, Buffy. I couldn’t find where she ended and I began anymore and...I got lost in her...and I lived her memories. I lived her life. As if it was happening to me.”

“How...how much of it...?” Buffy whispered.

“All of it,” Willow said. “Every second of every day, up to tonight in the car. Everything that ever happened to her, every single thing...it happened to me.”

Willow started to cry.

“I’m...I’m sorry, Buffy,” Willow whispered. “I didn’t mean to. I didn’t...I don’t know...how it happened...”

Buffy got up, and hugged her. She kissed Willow’s cheek, and caressed her hair. Willow hugged her back, and rested her head against Buffy’s breasts.

“It’s okay, Will,” Buffy said. “It’s not your fault. I asked you to do it, remember? I’m the one to blame here, not you.”

“No one’s to blame,” Willow said, and wiped her tears away. “It happened and we just gotta deal. We gotta deal and move on. I just...thought you should know. Because of you and Faith...I mean...um...you guys are...a couple now, and you get...y’know...snuggly.”

Buffy sat down again, and leaned back in the chair.

She blushed.

Willow grinned.

Buffy grinned too...and closed her eyes, and held her head in her hands.

“Oh, God, so how was I?” Buffy finally said. “Just tell me.”

Willow raised her eyebrow.

“Well...let’s just say that, okay, yeah, I don’t like girls?” Willow said. “But...after getting all those memories in the car tonight I seriously considered switching teams.”

“Hot Buffy lovin’,” Buffy said. “See what you missed out on?”

They giggled together.

“Xander and I like, y’know, have sex?” Willow said. “And it’s neat? But...you and Faith...? Can I just say, um...wow? Yeah...I think I’m just gonna leave it at ‘wow’.”

“You’re making me blush,” Buffy said, and looked up at her. Buffy’s face was red. “See? See me blushing?”

“Faith really loves you, y’know. She loves you so much, Buffy.”

“Yeah?” Buffy said, and smiled.

“Yeah,” Willow said, and squeezed her hand.

“So...um...you...lived Faith’s life. All of it. You didn’t just find out stuff in Faith’s head. You experienced it all. Just so we’re clear, that’s what you’re telling me, right?”

“Yeah. Like...okay, just so you understand? Remember that night we were...um...I mean you and Faith were in the ice cream place by the beach? And like, you ordered a dish of vanilla ice cream because that’s what you always get and Faith ordered like this huge monster chocolate sundae with M&M’s and peanuts and jimmies and lots of extra whip cream and hot fudge?”

“Yeah.”

“And then she was eating her kick-ass sundae and you were eating your really sad little dish of vanilla ice cream and I was...Faith was making fun of you for ordering vanilla and then you said, ‘taste’, and you guys kissed? I remember how it tasted. With the vanilla ice cream, plus your lipstick tasting kinda like, cherry-flavored. I remember you slipping your tongue in my mouth as we kissed, with some vanilla ice cream on it, so I could taste the vanilla. I can still taste it now, on my tongue, when I think about it...vanilla, with just a little hint of cherry. So...yeah. I don’t just know what happened to Faith. Like, it’s not just information. I experienced the stuff that happened to her. I experienced it all.”

“And again with the blushing,” Buffy said, and blushed.

“Sorry,” Willow said. “But...yeah. It all happened to me. I mean, yeah, okay, I know I wasn’t really there, I know those things didn’t really literally happen to me, but I remember them all happening to me. I remember when we... you and Faith first met. I remember how you smelled, and the like, tingly feeling Faith got in her stomach. I remember us slaying together. I remember that vampire girl, Chanterelle, and the fight you and Faith had because of her. I remember eating Joyce’s meat loaf.” Willow smiled. “Joyce’s meat loaf is good, by the way. You should stop making fun of it. But the thing is I remember all that stuff, all the sensations, the way stuff smelled, or felt, or sounded, or tasted, all Faith’s thoughts and feelings...I remember all of it like it happened to me. So I guess, when you look at it in a certain way, it all did happen to me. I mean, what’s reality but a bunch of perceptions, right?”

“You’re obviously out of touch with reality if you like my Mom’s meat loaf.”

“Her chicken’s good too. And those chocolate chip cookies? Awesome.”

“Can I...ask you a question?”

“You want to know about Faith. You want to start asking me about stuff...stuff you don’t know about her.”

“Yeah. Is this...awkward? Am I being...I don’t know...maybe I shouldn’t be asking?”

“It’s okay. I know you’re asking because you love her, Buffy.”

“Yeah. And there’s just...so much I don’t know about her. I mean it’s not like I’m suspicious? I just...want to know her. I want to know what her life was like...I want to know about the stuff she did, who she was with, who she loved.”

“She loved Becca. More than anything in the world.”

“What was Rebecca like? Faith told me about her, but...”

“She was warm. She was strong. She had...the most beautiful eyes. Deep, dark blue...they reminded me...reminded Faith...of the ocean. Becca found me in an alley. Some vamps had just kicked the shit out of me. I didn’t know from vamps back then, I didn’t know what the hell was happenin’, y’know?”

Willow was speaking with a Boston accent again. Buffy nodded, and took her hand.

“Anyway...they gave me a beat down, these four asshole vamp guys, and then they tossed me in the alley. I was...I wanted to die. I was always cold, those days...always shiverin’. All skin and bones, always tryin’ to get some food in my belly. And...I couldn’t do it anymore. Lyin’ in that alley where they threw me, in that pile of garbage...I wanted to die. Then Becca found me. She saved me. She...”

Tears filled Willow’s eyes.

“Becca...she always took care of me, y’know?” Willow said. “She always believed in me, when no one else did, when I didn’t believe in myself either. I loved her. I loved her and she...”

Willow started to cry.

“I loved her,” Willow whispered.

Buffy got up, and hugged her again.

“Oh, Goddess, oh Goddess...” Willow whispered, and held her head in her hands, and cried. “I miss her, Buffy. I miss her so much...every second. I miss her every second. I loved her. I loved her and she’s gone. She was so warm and...I always feel cold now.”

Willow leaned her head against Buffy’s breasts, and hugged her with all her strength.

“I’m gonna keep you warm, baby,” Buffy whispered, with tears in her eyes now.

Willow nodded, and held on to Buffy. They stayed like that, silently, for a little while.

“Will,” Buffy finally said. “I know...you have those memories. I know you feel like you lived Faith’s life. But...you’re not Faith. You’re Willow. You have to...you have to hold onto that, baby. You have to hold onto that....you have to hold onto yourself.”

Willow looked up at her.

Willow was still crying...but she was smiling now.

“I know,” Willow said. “I’m...still trying to find my balance with this. It’s gonna take time. And...especially around you...it’s...hard. When I see you...Faith just...kind of comes out in me.”

“It’ll get better,” Buffy said. “You’re strong, Will. You’ll figure this out. You’ll deal.”

Willow nodded again. Buffy leaned down, and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Willow,” Buffy said. “I’ll always be here for you. I’m with Faith, but I’ll always take care of you too, baby. I won’t ever let you feel cold. I’ll always keep you warm. Always. Okay?”

A moment passed between them. They looked in each other’s eyes...

Willow took Buffy’s hand, and brought her closer...so their lips were almost touching.

“Willow,” Buffy whispered, and caressed her hair. “This...isn’t you. It’s Faith. Remember yourself. Remember who you are. Remember who you love. Remember Xander.”

“You’re in love with me,” Willow whispered. “You’re still in love with me. Faith could tell, when you guys were talking together yesterday. She could tell you still love me.”

Tears fell down Buffy’s cheeks.

“I love you too,” Willow said.

“As...as a friend,” Buffy said. “You love me as like...a friend. A sister. Everything else...it’s Faith.”

“Yeah, it’s...it’s Faith,” Willow said. “But...I lived her life, Buffy. I...I lived a life where I love you...where I want...I want you so much...”

Willow ran her hands up and down Buffy’s hips.

Willow was wet between her legs. Buffy could smell it...

“Yesterday in the motel...when you made love to me...it was the best day of my life,” Willow whispered.

Buffy felt like she was on the edge of a cliff...

And then Willow smiled again, and looked up into her eyes.

“But it wasn’t my life,” Willow said. “It was Faith’s.”

Buffy nodded.

“I have a philosophy,” Willow said. “Wanna hear it, sweetie?”

“Um, sure,” Buffy said.

Willow wiped Buffy’s tears away, and kissed her cheek.

“Becca’s always right,” Willow said.

“Becca’s always right?” Buffy said. “Well, it’s easy to remember.”

“And it’s true,” Willow said, and got up, and went to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of Sprite. She moved to the cabinets, and pulled down two glasses. Then she came back to the table, and poured one for each of them.

“Sit,” Willow said.

Buffy sat back down.

“Becca always said lies complicate things, they make things harder,” Willow said, and sat across from Buffy, and they both drank their Sprites. “She said the truth is always best because the truth is simple. I want you, Buffy. Sure, it’s because of Faith’s memories that I want you but I still do. I want you to sleep with me again. I want you...the way it was yesterday. But if we did that? We’d have to lie. Because you love Faith, and I love Xander...and we’d have to lie to them. And Becca doesn’t want me telling lies. So...I’m...I’m not gonna.”

“Okay,” Buffy said. “Good. Because...Faith’s the love of my life? But that doesn’t mean you can’t get me all hot and bothered, strawberry girl.”

They giggled, and finished their Sprites. Buffy poured them two more.

“We could use some booze in this,” Buffy said, and shook her head, and grinned. “This has been a hell of a night.”

“You know about parallel universes?” Willow said.

“Um...you sure there isn’t already booze in yours?” Buffy said.

“Humor me,” Willow said. “Parallel universes. Know what they are?”

“Um...some Star Trek thing maybe?”

“Yeah, but there’s real science behind it. Quantum probability says that for every decision we make, every event that occurs, every possible outcome happens. Like...you flip a coin, right? And it comes up heads.”

“Yeah...so?”

“It also comes up tails...somewhere else.”

“Somewhere else?”

“In another universe. According to quantum physics there’s an infinite number of universes out there, and maybe an infinite number of us too. Infinite Buffys, infinite Willows...each with a life that’s maybe just a tiny bit different. So like, maybe there’s a universe out there where...I don’t know...the Soviet Union fell, or Clinton beat Gingrich and got a second term, or Cordy’s actually nice.”

“There are no universes where Cordy’s nice.”

“There’s a universe where you and I are together, Buffy,” Willow said, and took her hand. “I know there is. I know it. But...it’s just...not this one. Some things are meant to be...and some things...

“Aren’t,” Buffy said.

“But I’ll always love you, Buffy,” Willow said.

“I’ll always love you too, Will,” Buffy said.

Willow kissed Buffy’s hand, then blushed again.

“Um...sorry,” Willow said, and smiled. “Last time I do that, I promise.”

“It’s okay,” Buffy said. “Rebecca...she sounds really awesome.”

“She was,” Willow said. “I loved her. And I miss her. It feels like...being without her feels like...I’ve got a hole in me. Yeah, I know...it was Faith’s life, but...I mean...you know my Mom, Buffy. You know what she’s like. You know... she and I aren’t really close. I sleep over your house a lot because I like it better here than my house, I like Joyce better than my Mom.”

“My Mom likes you too,” Buffy said. “You know you’re always welcome here.”

“Yeah. And Becca...she was the Mom I wish I had. She was strong and she cared about me and she actually paid attention to me. Like, she paid attention to the little things. She cared enough to care about the small stuff. Like, she didn’t want me swearing. She didn’t want me eating McDonalds food because it’s bad for me. She gave me a one o’clock curfew. Little things like that. My Mom never gave me a curfew, she never even noticed I was gone. I mean, I’m out in a cemetery with you until like three in the morning and my Mom doesn’t bat an eye. At least Joyce always worries about you. My Mom, she couldn’t care less if I swear, she couldn’t care less about the way I act, as long as I’m like, espousing the right political views. I know it might sound like Becca was a little controlling? But it was really just the opposite. She laid down some rules, and then trusted me to follow them. She never once checked up on me. My Mom never laid down any rules because she doesn’t care, but she still doesn’t trust me either...she doesn’t trust me to not screw up my life. Becca gave me rules but she gave me responsibility too. My Mom would never give me responsibility for anything.”

“Somehow, you’re actually managing to get me to think someone who insists we get home by one is really cool. Must be magic.”

“You and Becca...now that would have been interesting,” Willow said, and grinned. “You’ve got it easy with Giles.”

“Immovable object, meet irresistible force?” Buffy said, and grinned back.

“Yup. Anyway...you wanna know how I really see Becca? She did this tarot reading for me...um, for Faith...a couple months back. Faith asked about love...if the right person was out there for her...”

“Does Rebecca have scary Willow-level one-hundred percent always perfectly accurate tarot skills?”

“Looking back over that reading in my head? Yeah, she does. Anyway...”

“What...was the verdict? On...um...Faith’s love life? What did the cards say? Do you remember?”

“That Faith would meet a queen...a queen of cups.”

“Last month, Faith gave me a dozen roses,” Buffy said, and smiled. “When she gave them to me, she called me her queen. You said when you read me before that I’m a cup, right?”

“Yeah,” Willow said...and decided she wouldn’t tell Buffy about the tarot reading Tara had done for Faith the week before. “Yeah. You’re my cup, Xander’s my pentacle. I’m a sword. And now that Faith’s here, the four of us are a complete set. Faith’s my wand. We cover all the suits now. But anyway...Becca came up in the reading. Faith didn’t know about tarot cards, but I do, and looking back on that reading...the cards described Becca perfectly. She was the High Priestess. She was wise, and strong, and beautiful. She led Faith to self-knowledge, revealed hidden mysteries...she represented unlimited possibilities. That’s what Becca was to me...she was my High Priestess.”

Willow had tears in her eyes again.

“I love her, Buffy,” Willow said. “I always will. And I miss her.”

Willow took a deep breath, and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“Okay,” Willow said. “So um, where were we before all this drama came up? It’s getting late. If we don’t get back up there soon Xander might steal Faith.”

“I was gonna ask you stuff about Faith...if...that’s okay,” Buffy said.

“Yeah. But look...I’ve thought about this. I knew you’d want to know stuff and I had to decide what to do...so I came up with some rules.”

“Rules?”

“It’s not fair that you get like, a back door to all Faith’s secrets. I know you don’t mean it in a bad way, Buffy, I know it’s just because you care about her. But it’s still not fair that you could find out anything you want about Faith without even having to ask her. So, rules. Or, one rule. The rule is, I’m not gonna tell you anything...after tonight, I’m not gonna tell you anything.”

“After tonight?”

“There’s stuff...stuff you should know. Not bad stuff. Just...stuff. The thing is, I care about both of you guys and I really want you to work. But you can both be...stubborn. You almost broke up before. It could happen again if you guys aren’t careful. I mean, you guys? You’re like a perfect match for each other, in every way. But not just in the good ways, in some bad ways too. You keep secrets, Buffy. You keep secrets, because you think you have to be strong all the time and handle things yourself and other people wouldn’t understand. And Faith? She has a hard time trusting people. Can you see the potential for hurting each other there? So yeah, you guys are great together? But you can hurt each other too. You could lose each other.”

“I know,” Buffy said. “We...talked about it yesterday. In Faith’s motel. Um...I guess you remember that?”

“The game I made up,” Willow said, and raised her eyebrow, and grinned. “‘Confessions’. Yeah, I remember. Shit, girlfriend, kinda hard not to. Yesterday was a damn wild day.”

Buffy grinned.

“Um...I’m talking like Faith again, aren’t I?” Willow said.

“With the accent and everything,” Buffy said. “You’re all like, pahking your cah in Hahvahd yahd. You kinda go back and forth with it.”

“It’s you. Being around you...it’s...like I sort of forget myself, sometimes. Everything’s just so strange now. It’s like, every situation I’m in now, I’ve got two possible responses to it. Like, there’s the Willow response and the Faith response? And I kinda forget myself sometimes, and I pick the Faith response. I kinda...see things the way Faith would see them sometimes. It’s hard, around you. Whenever I’m with you now, I keep thinking like Faith. I have to... remind myself that I’m Willow sometimes, especially when I’m with you. But, anyway...there’s stuff you need to know. And these are the only things I’m gonna tell you. After tonight, don’t ask me about Faith’s private stuff. I won’t tell you.”

“Okay.”

“I’m gonna tell Faith tomorrow that I have her memories, Buffy. It isn’t fair that I have like, her whole life and I know every single thing about her, and I won’t try to keep it a secret from her. It’ll make things a little awkward between Faith and me maybe but she has to know. I won’t keep this from her.”

“Yeah, I get that. But she likes you, Willow. You know that, right? That Faith really likes you?”

“Yeah,” Willow said, and smiled. “I know. It’s funny. I’m like just... y’know, Willow, right? All like, nice and cute and stuff?”

“You’re my strawberry girl,” Buffy said.

“Yup, that’s me. Well...Faith...she was intimidated by me. Not when we first met, but after she got to know me a little. I’ve got like, my laptop, and my math geek talk and my early acceptance to Harvard and Oxford and it all just sent Faith running for the hills. She still liked me? But...she didn’t know how to act around me anymore. She couldn’t just be herself around me anymore. She thinks she’s dumb. She still does, y’know. I know she told you she’s gonna stop thinking she’s dumb yesterday in the motel but saying it and doing it are two different things. It’s gonna take time and hard work. She’ll need your help.”

“Got time. Willing to put in the work. I love her.”

“Good. Anyway...okay. I’m gonna tell you some things now. Not too many things. Just a few...just some stuff you need to know. Ready?”

“Yeah.”

“First: she loves you, Buffy. She’d die for you. But she’s worried you’ll leave her.”

“I won’t leave her.”

“Becca did. She didn’t leave, but...she died. You think you know how much that hurt Faith, but you don’t. You don’t understand. You can’t, until something like that happens to you. And then Faith had to walk away from Evan too. So now she’s afraid...afraid that she’ll lose you too, because she lost them.”

“She won’t. What was...what was Evan like?”

Willow smiled.

“Hot,” she said. “Hot, hot, hot. Told goofy jokes. Best butt ever. I mean, I have all these memories now...of, um...gettin’ all, y’know, snuggly with you? And Buffy, seriously, you are hell on wheels in the bedroom. I think you could turn a straight girl gay at a hundred paces.”

“Oh my God,” Buffy said, and smiled, and blushed, and held her head in her hands. “And again with the blushing.”

“Welcome to my world of continual blushing whenever I think about you now,” Willow said. “So anyway I just thank the Goddess for the Evan memories? Because thinking about his hotness reminds I’m hetero. He and Faith didn’t do anything, except kiss, on their last day? But he talked to Faith. He didn’t see her as just a piece of meat like everyone else did. Faith...had a hard time with guys. She ran away from home because her Mom beat her, and then she was on the street. People tried to take advantage of her. Guys looked at her and...you know how guys can think. Anyway, Ev wasn’t like that. They just hung out. He was her first friend, Buffy. The first friend she ever had in her life. He made her feel good about herself...like she was more than just some hot girl. Like she mattered for who she was, not just for how hot she was.”

“Does she...still love him?” Buffy said.

“Yeah. Always will. But not the way she loves you. If she had to choose? If Ev was here now and Faith had to choose? She’d choose you. Okay, sweetie?”

“Okay.”

“Buffy...we’re all Faith’s got. Her mother beat her and she never even met her father, and Becca and Ev are gone. We’re Faith’s family now.”

“I know.”

“You don’t know. You and Faith are lovers. But she needs more than that. She needs a family. She needs friends. We have to be careful with her, Buffy. We could still lose her. She has a hard time trusting people. She trusts us now? But... we almost lost her because you lied to her. Yup, okay, she was being stubborn? And it wasn’t all your fault? But if you lie to Faith again we could lose her.”

“I know. I know I almost lost her...and it’s why I’ve decided, no more secrets. I’m telling Faith everything tomorrow. Everything about Angel. And... we’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll lose her anyway.”

“You won’t, Buffy.”

“Are you sure?” Buffy said, with tears in her eyes now. “Because...I’m not, Willow. I’m afraid. I’m afraid that...she’ll leave me tomorrow.”

“What Faith said in that alley, the night she met Chanterelle,” Willow said. “How she said being with a vampire would be disgusting. How she’d never lower herself like that. You never forgot that, did you?”

“She was right.”

“Faith hasn’t seen the things you’ve seen. The thing with Angel...she never really experienced anything like that. To Faith, vampires are all basically the same. The one exception was a female vampire Faith ran into, who had a boyfriend she loved...”

“Emily.”

“Yeah. After Emily, Faith got confused. She was trying to sort things out...and then Kakistos happened. After that, Faith decided she’d kill every vampire she met, but just the fact that Emily had her thinking about stuff...I think she might be able to have an open mind about Angel. But...if you tell her all the stuff Angel did she’s gonna want to kill him.”

“I know. But I have to tell her.”

“Yup. You do. Remember my philosophy? Becca’s always right. Faith will want to kill Angel...and she might try. Even if we tell her not to, she might still try. But she won’t leave you, Buffy. She won’t. As long as she knows she’s your choice and not Angel, and you don’t ever go behind her back to see him again, she’ll stay with you.”

Buffy shook her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking,” she said. “I almost screwed it all up, doing that.”

“You have no idea, Buffy,” Willow said, and looked down at the table. “You have no idea what you almost did...what almost happened because you decided to lie.”

“What...do you mean?” Buffy said.

Willow looked at her.

“Lets just say...you got lucky,” Willow said. “We all did. There’s someone out there...someone we should be thanking. If it weren’t for her? We would have lost Faith, Buffy. She’d be gone now.”

“Her?” Buffy said.

“The last thing you need to know about. Tara.”

“Tara? Faith...saw another girl?”

“The night Faith refused to stay at your house. Remember that?”

“Yeah.”

“You were fed up with how Faith was acting...with how she kept blowing us off. Of course you didn’t know then that she’d seen you with Angel...that really, this was just all your lies coming back to bite you in the ass.”

Buffy nodded. Her face was red.

“Buffy, I’m sorry,” Willow said. “But look, I care about you guys, I want you to work? And you need to understand that you almost wrecked it. So yeah, I’m bein’ like, a big ol’ meanie to you now a little? But it’s because I want you to understand. This isn’t like you and Angel, where you could both keep things from each other and hurt each other all the time and you could both keep coming back. Angel’s tough, he can deal and keep coming back. But Faith’s fragile. Yeah, sure, she’s all a kick-butt Slayer but when it comes to dealing with people, with new relationships, she gets afraid sometimes. She thinks she’s dumb and she thinks all she has to offer is her body and she’s always afraid people will take advantage of her, or if she does find someone nice out there, that she’ll lose them. You can’t take chances with her, Buffy, you can’t lie to her. Angel’s been around for centuries, he understands people. Faith doesn’t.”

“I won’t lie to her again,” Buffy said.

“Okay,” Willow said, and smiled. “Sorry I was mean.”

“Someone should’ve been mean to me a long time ago,” Buffy said. “Tell me about Tara.”

“When you kicked Faith out of your house and told her maybe she should go back to Boston? That was a hard night for Faith. But then she met Tara. Tara was there for her, when she needed someone. Faith went to her place, and Tara made her lasagna and they played Super Mario. And, um, smoked a few joints.”

“Faith smoked a joint? Seriously?”

“It was her first time. And she really, really needed it.”

“She liked it?”

“Yeah.”

“Faith’s gonna absolutely love hanging with you then,” Buffy said, and grinned.

“Well, um...anyway...” Willow said. “So yeah, Faith was having a rough night. She thought she lost you, Buffy. She thought you didn’t want her anymore...that you didn’t care about her. She knows how you feel about me and then she found out about Angel and she just figured...there was no room for her. No room for her in your heart.”

“My heart’s only for her now,” Buffy said. “Faith gets all of it.”

“Good,” Willow said, and smiled. “So, yeah, rough night for Faith? But Tara got her through it. Faith slept over her house, and...”

“Faith slept over?”

“Buffy...I won’t lie to you. Faith has feelings for Tara. She cares about her. But they didn’t sleep together, Faith would never cheat on you. She and Tara are close friends, that’s all. Tara’s like...her Willow.”

“Can’t you be Faith’s Willow?”

“The thing is...? Faith has decided we’re her family. She’s committed to us now. She’ll hang in there now, as long as we don’t lie to her. But the thing about family is, they’re not friends. Tara’s Faith’s friend. Me...I’m sort of more like Faith’s cool aunt.”

“Xander?”

“Brother. Maybe a weird, eccentric uncle.”

“Me?”

“You already know.”

“Mom.”

“Yeah. Does that...make you uncomfortable?”

“No. I like taking care of her. I’m gonna take care of her forever.”

“That’s not the only thing you are to her, anyway. I mean, you’re her lover. She’s got all kinds of feelings for you, and some of them conflict. What Faith really needs is Becca. Faith’s looking for another Becca, and she sort of finds parts of Becca in you. But it’s different though because Becca really was a mother to her, while you guys...y’know...get all snuggly. Tara has a lot of Becca in her too. That’s what attracted Faith to her.”

“Tell me about Tara?”

“She’s...warm,” Willow said. “She’s kind. She’s honest. A little goofy too. Faith told her about Becca, and about all of us. They hung out last week, just about every day. Faith stayed over Tara’s house a lot, and Tara cooked for her, and they just talked all the time. And Faith told her like, everything, because Tara’s just one of those people...one of those people you feel like you can talk to. Tara’s gay, by the way. She has a crush on Faith.”

“She...she does?” Buffy said.

“Yup. Faith could tell by the way Tara acted, so I could tell when I experienced the memories. And do you know what Tara did, when Faith told her about us, about you?”

“What?”

“She made Faith promise her that she’d try to work things out with all of us, and especially with you. She could tell Faith loves you, and even though Tara wanted Faith? Tara wants what’s best for her. So she made Faith promise she’d try one more time with you. You noticed how Faith was different in the cemetery, when we fought those wolf vamps a couple of nights ago? She was trying to connect with us again. She hung out with me last week whenever I came by, and she didn’t blow me off. Plus the morning after the big fight with the wolf vamps, she bought all those egg mcmuffins and kept on asking you to come eat breakfast with her in her room? We have Tara to thank for all that, Buffy. If Tara wanted to, she could have made a play for Faith. I mean, Faith was practically living at her house. And, the way Faith was feeling? After Faith was sure you were gonna leave to go away to college out of state, and you had already lied to her about Angel, and Faith thought it was over? I think if Tara made a play for Faith, it might have worked. But Tara didn’t. Because she knew it would be taking advantage, and because she cares about Faith enough to do what’s best for her... even if what’s best for her is losing her for herself.”

“Will...the party we’re having for Faith tomorrow...you know where Tara lives, right? Could you swing by her place when you’re picking up all the stuff, and ask Tara if she wants to come? I think Faith would like it if she was here.”

Willow walked around to Buffy’s side of the table, and leaned down, and kissed her forehead.

Then she hugged her.

“Sometimes, you disappoint me a little,” Willow said. “Lying to me about Angel disappointed me. Lying to Faith about him disappointed me too. But then you always do something to remind me...of why you’re my hero. Of why you’re the best person I’ve ever known.”

“Blushing again,” Buffy whispered, and leaned her head on Willow’s shoulder.

“Wanna blush? I can talk about how awesome you are in the sack some more,” Willow said.

“Please don’t,” Buffy said. “Please?”

Willow giggled, and sat back down.

“So now that I’m all awesome and selfless and heroic, tell me more about this Tara girl so I can be a completely jealous bitch,” Buffy said, and smiled.

“Well...” Willow said, thinking about it. She knew she had to be careful.

“What does she look like?” Buffy said.

“Pretty,” Willow said. “About my height, with long, straight, dirty-blonde hair. She’s kinda...earthy, y’know? Like, sensuous. She’s real curvy. Big hips, big boobs. Pretty eyes...caring eyes. Big, full lips.”

“Is she prettier than me? I mean...don’t answer if it’s too much to ask but...when you lived Faith’s memories...you know what Faith thinks about her, right? You know how attracted Faith is to her.”

“Faith thinks she’s pretty.”

“Prettier than me?”

“I didn’t get a sense that she was really comparing you two in her head? Because you and Tara are like, apples and oranges, looks-wise. You’re two different types. It’s like...remember, back in the old days when you thought you liked guys and we had the big George Clooney versus Ricky Martin debate? In the end we decided they’re both hot but we couldn’t really settle on one, because they’re just really different? It’s like that. Faith’s attracted to you both, but Tara’s all like, soft and earth-goddessy and you’re like, all hard and lean and powerful. Besides, it’s mostly a scent thing anyway with Faith. She makes decisions on people based on how they smell.”

“Yeah. Me too. What’s Tara smell like?”

“Faith thinks she smells like ginger.”

“She really likes Tara’s scent, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah.”

“Better than mine?”

“You’re jasmine. Again, not better or worse, just different.”

“I smell like jasmine?”

“Yeah. Faith didn’t know the name of the flower, but I do; I know all about flowers. Faith thinks you smell like jasmine.”

Buffy thought about Angel...about the flowers he kept in his courtyard.

Then she dismissed the thought. It didn’t matter...it didn’t matter anymore.

“So like, the bottom line is, Faith’s attracted to her,” Buffy said.

“Yeah, but...Buffy...be practical. There are a lot of pretty girls in the world and a lot of girls who smell really good too. Do you expect Faith to never be attracted to anyone but you?”

“Can I answer yes? Is yes an option?”

“No.”

“Shit,” Buffy said. “Okay, enough about Tara’s looks. What else can you tell me about her? I mean, this isn’t a jealousy thing? It’s just...she’s important to Faith, and so I want to know her.”

“I know sweetie, I understand,” Willow said. “Well, here’s one big thing. She’s a witch, and a pretty powerful one.”

“Really? Wow. I guess she really is Faith’s Willow.”

“Yeah. She’s got these tarot cards...Faith calls them “Tara cards”. But Tara’s tarot cards are weird. I mean, I do tarot readings? But...those cards...”

“You do weird, creepy, always one-hundred percent perfectly accurate tarot readings that scare me.”

“Tara’s cards would scare you more. They’re obviously magical. They do...strange things. And Tara told Faith this really weird story...about the real reason why she came to Sunnydale. Tara’s from Milwaukee, she’s only been here a few months, and she came out here because...okay, this is gonna sound freaky.”

“Already dealing with the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse and all these new wolf vamps. How much freakier could it be?”

“Tara told Faith that when she was nine years old, she met a witch. This witch gave her the tarot cards, and a spell book, and a crystal pendant that Tara always wears. The witch told her that she was here to set Tara on the right path in her life, because Tara was one of a bunch of people who would be important in a war that was coming, in the future. Freaky?”

“Pretty freaky. Not Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse freaky though. Not giant praying mantis freaky either. Incan Mummy freaky, maybe. Zombie Christmas freaky.”

“The witch told Tara she had traveled back in time to find her. That someone else, an evil man, was going back in time too, and changing the lives of important people, taking them out of the fight, so the bad guys could win the final battle. The witch said she was repairing the damage this man had done, and that someday, Tara, and a bunch of other people, would stand with her during the final battle. Freakier?”

“Okay. Now we’ve got some good quality freakiness. And...you believe her? Do we believe Tara?”

“Yeah. You and Faith, you can usually tell when someone’s lying, if you concentrate...if you concentrate on your senses and listen to their heartbeats and stuff? Faith did that, and decided Tara was telling the truth.”

“Tara say anything else about this big fight?’

“No. Just that the witch told her she was heading to England in 1972 next, to find someone else who would be important.”

“Did she describe the witch? Does she know her name?”

“She doesn’t know her name. She said the witch was maybe in her mid-twenties, and pretty, with dark brown hair and green eyes. And that she had sort of cute chipmunk teeth when she smiled.”

“Cute chipmunk teeth?” Buffy said.

“Yeah. Why?” Willow said.

“Want to hear something freaky?” Buffy said, and smiled.

“Sure, why not,” Willow said. “It’s been one of those nights.”

“The day I first met you, I wrote in my diary about you. I wrote that you have the cutest smile...it looks like you have chipmunk teeth.”

Willow suddenly grew pale.

“Hey,” Buffy said. “What is it?”

“What if...it’s me?” Willow said. “What if...I’m the witch?”

“Okay, assuming we believe this story? Tara said she was in her mid-twenties.”

“Tara said the witch was time-traveling, remember? Maybe it’s something I do in the future. And the witch had green eyes.”

“But she was a brunette. Okay, sure, maybe you might dye your hair someday, but...”

“Buffy...I dye my hair now. I’ve been dyeing it since freshman year, Xander can tell you. I’m not a redhead. I’m a brunette.”

“How did I not know you dye your hair?”

“Never checked to see if there was any fire in the hole,” Willow said, and grinned, and raised her eyebrow.

“You’re just gonna try to make me blush forever, aren’t you?” Buffy said.

“Since I’ve got all these memories of you boinking the hell out of me I think I owe you some blushing. But...yeah. I’m a brunette, I have green eyes, according to you I have cute chipmunk teeth, and I’m a witch.”

“Okay...but...the evidence is circumstantial, Will.”

Willow nodded, and thought about it.

“Tell me more about Tara,” Buffy said. “Um...non-freaky stuff only, please.”

“Wait,” Willow said, and got up. “Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

“Where are you going?”

“To get some hundred-percent perfectly accurate answers,” Willow said, and walked out of the room.

She came back a couple of minutes later with a deck of tarot cards in her hand.

“Oh, no,” Buffy said. “You know this always freaks me out.”

“This will be a quick reading,” Willow said, and sat down and began shuffling. “I’m going to ask a question, and pick one card.”

“Is there like, a card that says you’re the witch?”

“That’s the problem, the cards aren’t really designed for yes or no answers to a question like this. I mean, if I was asking if I’ll fall in love and I got the Lovers, that would be a yes. But there really isn’t a card for this question. But there are cards that could be interpreted to mean yes.”

“Like...?” Buffy said.

“The High Priestess,” Willow said. “She represents inner wisdom, the unknown. Mystery, the understanding of hidden things. And she represents the feminine archetype too; the spirit of the Goddess. If any card is a witch, it’s her.”

“So...what, if you pick that one card that means you’re the witch?” Buffy said.

“Yeah,” Willow said.

“No other card but that one? What if you pick some other card?”

“Then I’m not the witch.”

“That gives you like...a one in seventy-eight chance. Is that even fair? You’re stacking the odds pretty high against being this witch.”

“You’re talking about the law of averages, probability. The cards don’t work that way. As long as they have the means to answer my question, they will. My cards always answer my questions.”

Willow stopped shuffling, and spread the pile of cards face down in a rainbow across the table.

Willow looked down at them.

“Am I the witch who visited Tara?” Willow whispered.

She picked a card...and turned it over...

She and Buffy looked down at it.

The figure on the card was a beautiful woman sitting serenely between white and black pillars, wearing a flowing light blue robe with a cross on her breast, and a white, horned diadem crown. The crown supported a globe between its two horns, and there was a lunar crescent symbol on the floor at the woman’s feet. There was a veil behind her, stretched between the two pillars, embroidered with palm trees, and fruit.

The woman was wise, and beautiful...

“The High Priestess,” Buffy said.

Willow nodded, and looked at the card...

And saw her future.

“I’m her,” Willow said.