Fifteen

THE WORST THING

“So, um, it’s kinda hard to compare with a hundred and fifty million dollars,” Willow said. “But, um, I got you this.” She held out a gift-wrapped box.

Buffy and Willow and Xander sat by Faith on the couch. Giles sat in one of the dark wood chairs on the other side of the coffee table. Hip-hop music boogied out from the sound system, but not too loud; Buffy had said they needed to create “a Giles-safe zone”. He had made tea and was doing what he considered to be an admirable job of not outwardly showing his contempt for the hip-hop music. They all sipped the tea, and they each had a slice of the big chocolate birthday cake that sat on the coffee table with eighteen candles on it. The Key, a small, smooth black stone about the size of a deck of cards, sat on the table, next to the cake. Willow looked at it. She’d been having a hard time taking her eyes off it ever since Faith brought it into the room...she didn’t know why.

“What, you sayin’ you’re not all givin’ me a hundred and fifty million bucks?” Faith said, and tore the gift-wrap off the box. “Total rip.”

It was a shoe box.

“Does that say Givenchy?” Buffy said. “My heart just skipped a beat.”

Faith opened the box, and pulled out the exquisite Givenchys that she had tried on with Buffy in the shoe store the month before.

“Oh my God!” Buffy said. “Those are the Givenchys! Those are the Givenchys I told you about that Faith and I completely drooled over last month!

“Yup, when you told me how Faith’s eyes lit up when she tried them on I knew what I was getting her for her birthday,” Willow said.

“They have those...strappy things and...they’re all like...really silvery and...the heel’s perfect and...oh my God I hate you both forever now,” Buffy said.

“Will, these are...these are beautiful,” Faith said. “But...you shouldn’t have spent so much, I mean...these had to be...”

“Sweetie, you’re worth it,” Willow said.

“Want a car?” Faith said.

“Sure,” Willow said. “Besides, I have a hook-up at Nordstrom’s now. Buffy, you remember Julie Weiss? She was on the cheerleading squad with you, for like, um, that one day you were on the cheerleading squad?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “She was the only one who was nice to me.”

“Still got the outfit?” Faith said, and raised her eyebrow at Buffy, and took a big bite of her chocolate cake.

“Yeah,” Buffy said, and blushed a little.

“Um...anyway,” Willow said, noticing Giles wiping his glasses. “She needed help getting ready for finals last year because her mother was in the hospital and she missed a lot of days. Since she was nice to you I tutored her. And she just got a job at Nordstrom’s and she said she’ll use her employee discount for me whenever I want. Faith, try ’em on! I wanna bask in the fabulousness.”

Faith took off her boots and socks, and put the shoes on.

“How do they feel, Cinderella?” Buffy said.

“Nope, she’s Dorothy,” Willow said. “I’m the Good Witch. I give out shoes. Couldn’t find ruby slippers but Givenchys will do in a pinch. I bet if Glinda gave out Givenchys Dorothy would’ve stayed up in Oz forever.”

Faith stood up and walked around in them. She still limped slightly, but not as much as before. “Awesome,” Faith said. “I’m just lovin’ my new kicks.” She gave Willow a hug. “Thanks, Will,” she said.

“I’m so borrowing those,” Buffy said.

“Sure, hon, you can borrow ’em,” Faith said, and sat back down with Buffy and put her arm around her. “If you ask me real nice. So Will, if I click my heels and say ‘no place like home’ what happens?”

“You end up right here with us, sweetie,” Willow said.

“Cool,” Faith said, and smiled.

“Although it’s endlessly fun listening to gals talk about shoes, how about we get to my present now,” Xander said.

“Case of beer?” Faith said. “I’m diggin’ that present, especially now that I’m eighteen and Becca’s okay with me drinking now.”

“Beer’s for me,” Xander said, and leaned down to the big shopping bag on the floor, and pulled a gift-wrapped bottle out of it. “This is for you.”

Faith took the bottle, and unwrapped it. It was a bottle of Cristal champagne.

“At the Bronze you always say how you don’t want to drink until you’re eighteen, so I figured why not start with something awesome,” Xander said.

“Dude, maybe Willow’s got the shoe store hook-up but I know you totally spent too much on this,” Faith said.

“Saved my girl. Twice. I’d buy you all the champagne in the world if I could,” Xander said, and kissed her cheek. “How about we open it up, have a toast to the birthday girl?”

“Sorry Xander,” Buffy said, and took the bottle. “No alcohol while Faith’s on the morphine.”

“Crap,” Xander said.

“It’s cool Xan Man, we’ll get to it,” Faith said, and hugged him. “Thanks. It’s an awesome present. You and Will, you’re both awesome friends. And I’m not feelin’ any pain anymore, so I figure I’ll be off the morphine soon.”

“Well you should only take it as needed,” Giles said. “If you’re not feeling pain it’s safe to skip your next dose.”

“Your next dose is in an hour,” Buffy said, and played with Faith’s hair. “If you still feel good we’ll skip it. Just let me know if any pain comes back.”

“If she doesn’t take any more she can have some champagne later on tonight,” Giles said. “But while we’re on the subject, Faith, I’d like to have a look at you, and see how you’re healing up.”

“Uh...healing up okay,” Faith said.

“You should let him look, Faith,” Buffy said. “He’s better with medicine stuff than me, he fixes me up all the time. And he’s totally not a pervert.”

“Yes, thank you Buffy, that’s very kind,” Giles said, sighing at her.

“How about we just get it over with now,” Buffy said. “We’ll go in the kitchen. I’ll be right there with you. Okay?”

“Uh...okay,” Faith said.

Faith sat at the kitchen table. Giles and Buffy sat on either side of her. Buffy had her arm around her, and was running her fingers through her hair.

“All right, I’m going to have a look at your ankle first,” Giles said.

“Uh...okay,” Faith said, and lifted her foot. Giles took her foot in his lap. He gently took Faith’s shoe off, and probed her ankle.

“And there’s no pain?” Giles said.

“Uh, nope,” Faith said. She blushed. “Hasn’t hurt since this morning. Still just a little bit gimpy though.”

“There’s still some bruising, and a bit of swelling. It may not hurt but it’s not a hundred percent either,” Giles said. “You can walk on this, but if you think you can fight on it, you’d be wrong. It’s still weak and you would re-injure it very quickly. Have you been wearing an ice pack?”

“Yeah, I’ve been putting the ice pack on her for like, half an hour every four hours like you said,” Buffy said.

“Keep doing it until tomorrow,” Giles said, and let Faith’s ankle go. “Put another pressure bandage on too.” Faith put her shoe back on. “If you keep using the ice packs and the pressure bandage, then at this rate, by this time tomorrow, it should be completely healed. May I look at your arm, Faith?”

“Okay,” Faith said, and held out her right arm. She couldn’t quite stretch it out all the way. Giles ran his fingers along the arm, from the elbow to the hand.

“The break is healed but there’s obviously still some tendon damage,” he said. “It needs another day or two. I want you to wear an ice pack on it.”

“Okay,” Buffy said.

“The bruises are nearly gone,” Giles said. “Are the rest all like this?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “They’re all yellowish and fading fast.”

“Excellent,” Giles said. “I believe you do heal faster than Buffy, a good bit faster. Interesting.”

“But I’m like, totally more stealthy and quiet than her,” Buffy said. “Most of the time,” she added, with a smile, as she played with Faith’s hair.

“Actually it would be interesting to run some tests on the two of you,” Giles said. “I’d like to measure your relative strength and speed some time. May I look at your stomach wound now, Faith? And then we can get back to the party.”

“Uh...yeah. Uh, okay,” Faith said, blushing again. She rather nervously unbuttoned the bottom three buttons of her blouse.

“I’m sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, Faith,” Giles said.

“It’s...okay, Giles,” Faith said. “You’re not a pervert or nothin’.”

“Yes, I do try,” Giles said. “Where’s your bandage?”

“I didn’t think she needed it anymore,” Buffy said. “The wound’s all like, pinkish now. I thought it was like, healed.”

“It basically is, I just like being safe rather than sorry,” Giles said. “I want you to clean it again after the party and put another bandage on it. Just for tonight. Tomorrow, as long as it still looks good, you can stop bandaging it. All right, the exam’s over.” Giles stood up, and Faith buttoned her blouse.

“Wasn’t so bad,” Faith said.

“I just worry about my Slayers,” Giles said, and smiled down at her. “Anyway at this rate you’ll be shipshape and Bristol fashion in no time.”

“I’ll be what in who?” Faith said.

“British thing,” Buffy said. “Means you’ll be all healed up.”

“You’re a trip, G-Man,” Faith said, and giggled like a girl.

“Okay, weird slightly uncomfortable medical exam over, time to party again,” Buffy said, as they walked back into the room.

The thought kept pushing at Buffy’s mind...that her time was running out. She made herself keep smiling.

Buffy and Faith sat on the couch next to Willow and Xander, and Giles returned to his chair. Buffy reached down into the shopping bag. “Okay, this one’s mine,” she said, and pulled out a long gift-wrapped box, and handed it to Faith. “Um...I really hope you like it. If you don’t I can always take it back.”

“Take it back?” Faith said, and ripped off the wrapping paper. “Why would I wanna do that?” Faith opened the box, and pulled out the long, red leather coat she had tried on with Buffy in Bloomingdale’s the month before.

She looked at the coat. She stood up, and held it up in front of her.

“Um...it’s just...you only have the one coat,” Buffy said. “I thought... maybe you could use another one. And you looked so beautiful in it when you tried it on before. If...you don’t like it...”

Faith looked at her. Buffy was looking at the floor.

“I love it, Buffy,” Faith said, and smiled, and leaned down and kissed her cheek. “This is gonna be my coat. That other one...it can go in the closet from now on. Okay?”

“Okay,” Buffy said, and smiled.

Willow smiled too, and squeezed Buffy’s hand.

“Um, and can I just mention that Buffy had me pick it up and I almost stole it for myself?” Willow said. “That thing just radiates fabulousness.”

“It’s pretty damn fab,” Faith said. “My arm’s still not all there. Help me put it on, Buffy? I wanna wear it.”

Buffy stood up and helped Faith get into the coat.

“You look great in it,” Buffy said.

“Yeah?” Faith said, as Buffy turned her around in the coat to get a complete view.

“Yup,” Xander said. “Seconded.”

“Yeah, baby,” Buffy said. “You’re beautiful.”

“Yes, quite fetching,” Giles said.

“That coat’s neat,” Willow said. “Every Slayer should have a coat like that.”

“Actually I think you’re right, Will,” Faith said, holding the coat open and looking inside. “It’s a got a nice deep pocket inside here that would be just the perfect spot for my stake.”

“Yeah you know, I think we’re on to something with this whole long coat look,” Xander said. “It’s like Brandon Lee in The Crow. You and Buffy should wear long coats all the time when you’re out slaying from now on. It’s just so film noir. Dark, rainy night, neon signs reflecting in the street puddles...”

“The party hat interferes with the look,” Willow said.

“Hey, you have your stake with you?” Xander said. “Let’s see you in the coat holding a stake in your hand.”

“Nah, lost it at the Bronze,” Faith said.

“I have one in my purse,” Buffy said.

“No need,” Giles said, and stood up, and pulled a stake from his coat pocket. “One of my presents to you, Faith,” he said. “The stake you were using had a crack in it and it was the wrong weight and size for optimum fighting. It looked like an old piano leg.”

“It was an old piano leg,” Faith said.

“This one isn’t,” Giles said, and held the stake out to Faith. “At the Council we employ craftsmen who create stakes; it may sound like a trifle but a good stake can make a real difference in a fight. It’s perfectly balanced, just the right weight, and in your hands it will be absolutely lethal.”

Faith took it.

“It’s good solid ironwood and it will last you a good long time,” Giles said.

Faith looked at the stake, got a feel for it in her hand. It was very dark brown, smooth and polished. Faith liked the grain of the wood. She liked the way it fit in her hand.

“Thank you, Giles,” she said.

“Of course,” Giles said. “You’re my Slayer.”

“How come I don’t get a super-duper perfectly balanced kick-ass stake?” Buffy said.

“You already have one,” Giles said. “You have Kendra’s.”

“But how come Mr. Pointy looks different than this one?” Buffy said.

“Do you actually call it ‘Mr. Pointy’?” Giles said, frowning at her.

“Um...no,” Buffy said.

“Yours is really no different,” Giles said. “It’s also ironwood but a different species. Yours is a little lighter in color but no less strong. Both your stake and Faith’s will sink in water and are extremely resistant to damage. They’ll never break on you in the field.”

“I dig it,” Faith said. “Fits me like a glove. Becca gave me one just like it.”

“Faith, hold up the stake,” Willow said. “Vogue for us, sweetie. Strike a pose. Be all, y’know, Slayerish. Um, but first take off the party hat.”

Faith took off her hat, spun around while holding the stake by her side, and suddenly held the stake up like she was pulling a gun out of its holster.

“I’m Faith, the Vampire Slayer,” she said, with a sexy grin. “All you vamps? Best get to runnin’.” She twirled the stake around her fingers like she was twirling a gun and ‘holstered’ it in her coat pocket.

“Nice, with the twirly trick,” Xander said. “Style points.”

“So whaddaya think?” Faith said. “Am I rockin’ the coat?”

“Definitely,” Willow said.

“What’s the verdict, B?” Faith said, looking down at Buffy.

Buffy took her hand, and brought her down onto the couch beside her, and kissed her.

“My heart’s going pitter-patter, baby,” Buffy said.

Giles started wiping his glasses. Willow smiled, and looked away, and took Xander’s hand.

“Now we’ve got a party. Where’s my video camera?” Xander said. “Ow,” he added, as Willow did something to his leg.

“You’re gonna make the G-Man blush, B,” Faith said, and threw Giles a frisky smile, and raised her eyebrow at him.

Giles surprised her by smiling back.

“It takes quite a lot to make me blush, Faith,” Giles said.

“Giles had a wild, misspent youth,” Buffy said. And by the way? I’m so borrowing that coat.”

“Long as you ask nice, girlfriend,” Faith said.

“I’d look so great in that coat,” Buffy said. “And so begins the jealousy.”

“Hey,” Willow said. “Giles...about your um, misspent youth? What were you doing in 1972?”

Willow and Buffy exchanged a glance.

“In 1972?” Giles said.

“There’s like...this history project at school,” Willow said. “We gotta write, um, reports on the seventies? And I got assigned 1972.”

“Well let’s see...I would’ve been seventeen then...I suppose I was smoking dope, rebelling against my father, getting in fights, the usual. Also, telling girls I was a member of Pink Floyd.” Giles grinned. “Worked like a charm.”

“Seriously?” Faith said, and grinned back, and tried to figure out whether or not she was being kidded.

“Seriously,” Buffy said. “I’ll tell you some old Giles stories sometime. He might have worn tweed diapers but once he hit the terrible teens he was a witchcraft-practicing, demon-summoning rebel without a cause. Had a way with the ladies from what we’ve heard, too. C’mon, Giles, tell us about some of those seventies hotties you were always hooking up with. Meet any fabulous witchy chicks in 1972?”

“No, can’t say I did,” Giles said. “That year I was dating this terribly old-fashioned girl from Bristol, she wouldn’t even let me...”

Faith grinned, and raised her eyebrow

“That is...yes, well, anyway,” Giles said, and coughed, and wiped his glasses. “I was in a depressingly monogamous relationship that year. No fabulous witches, or any witches in fact. By then I was knocking about with various troublemakers but none of the magical variety yet. The demon-summoning and so forth didn’t start until I dropped out of Oxford a few years later.”

“No witches, huh?” Willow said. “When did you meet your first witch, anyway? Or like, see anything magical? When did you first see anything that was like, y’know, weird and spooky?”

“Well my father always told me stories but I didn’t encounter anything out of the realm of the ordinary until 1975,” Giles said. “I remember it was that year because I was listening to Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here at the time; it had just come out a few days before. Brilliant album. Anyway I saw a minor parasite demon lurking about under a bridge one night and we shared a bottle of whisky together. I dropped out of school the next day.”

“Nothing weird in your life until 1975, huh?” Buffy said. “No weird stuff in 1972 at all?”

“No,” Giles said. “And this is for a history report?”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “Um...we can do our report on like, any aspect of history for the year we got assigned and I’m focusing on the counter-culture. I thought maybe you’d have some interesting 1972 stories.”

“Sorry, afraid not,” Giles said. “Other than some petty theft, breaking and entering and getting into fights, my life was rather boring. Though I did drink with Keith Richards once that year. The Stones were touring England that summer. Or a least I think it was Keith Richards. I’d had quite a lot to drink that night. He said he was Keith Richards. But anyway, let’s move on from the 1970’s, shall we? The less said about the 1970’s, the better. I have two other gifts for you, Faith. “First...” He took an envelope from his coat pocket and handed it across to Faith. “Rebecca mentioned in her letter that you like to read.”

Faith opened the envelope. There was a gift certificate inside.

“I know you didn’t bring any books with you here, so I thought this would start you off nicely,” Giles said. “Of course, that was before I knew you could buy and sell the lot of us many, many times over...”

“Two-hundred bucks worth of books? Awesome, G-Man, thanks!” Faith said. “Haven’t had much time for reading lately, but yeah, I wanna get back to it. I never used to read, Becca got me into it. She wants me to read. Actually I was in the middle of a book when all this went down, so yeah, it’ll be good to pick it up again. I really wanna get back to it.”

“Yes, and perhaps you can buy a book for Buffy as well,” Giles said.

“Good luck,” Buffy said.

“You don’t like reading, B?” Faith said.

“Not so much,” Buffy said. “Once I got over dinosaurs when I was ten it was all about boys and shoes. What book were you in the middle of? Was it about dinosaurs? Was it about shoes? I’ll read it with you if it’s got dinosaurs or shoes.”

“The Scarlet Letter,” Faith said. “It’s about...”

“Sin,” Buffy said. Willow looked at her.

“And redemption, Buffy,” Willow said. Buffy nodded, and looked away.

“Yeah,” Faith said. “Or at least tryin’ for it. Anyway, thanks, G-Man. Gonna be awhile ’til I can get out to England to claim that money anyway. I mean, we got all these wolf vamps here to worry about.”

“If you want I’ll go out with you and handle the details, when you’re ready,” Giles said. “I’m still officially a practicing solicitor.”

“That like a lawyer?” Faith said.

“Yes, in England,” Giles said. “I can represent you, get you through the red tape. And I can make sure you don’t end up losing too much of your money to the bloody tax collectors.” He smiled. “No charge, of course.”

“Thanks G-Man, that’s pretty cool of you,” Faith said. “Want a car?”

“That’s quite all right, Faith,” Giles said. “But it’s a lovely thought.”

“Gettin’ you a car anyway,” Faith said. “You’re too much of a hottie to be putt-puttin’ around in that little French thing. You need a Porsche, man. Gonna have you toolin’ around town in no time.”

“Yeah, I think Faith’s right, Giles,” Xander said. “As much as we all... uh...really love the Citroen? We all actually really hate it even more.”

“It’s a classic French automobile,” Giles and Xander both said at the exact same time. Then they both frowned at each other.

“It’s a go-cart, G-Man. Gettin’ you a Porsche. A red Porsche,” Faith said.

“A red one?” Giles said, and smiled, warming up to the idea.

“Hey Will, let me show you something real quick,” Buffy said, and took Willow’s hand. “Remember that, um, crystal I found? Can you take a quick look at it for me, see if it’s all on the up and up? I got it up in my room.”

“Um...sure,” Willow said.

“Well, whoever I’m looking for in England in 1972, I guess it isn’t Giles,” Willow said, as they walked into Buffy’s room.

“Guess not,” Buffy said. “We basically asked him as straight-out as we could without actually saying, ‘Hey, so did Willow come up to you in 1972 and say you were gonna be part of a big apocalyptic battle in the future?’ Actually we came pretty close to saying that.”

“We didn’t score big on subtlety,” Willow said, and sat on Buffy’s bed. “But the history report story seemed to work okay.”

“Giles thinks we’re a bunch of crazy nonsense-talking Americans,” Buffy said, and looked out the window. The sun was setting. Her time was almost gone. “He never really expects to understand what we’re saying anyway. So...are we keeping it just between us?”

“I don’t know. With time travel...I mean...we could end up changing stuff by mistake...like...in all the Star Trek episodes, in all the movies, if you do one little thing wrong? Suddenly it’s like, bang, the Nazis won World War Two. I just...want to be careful with this. We can tell Faith and Xander but...Giles would get all...he’d be like, asking a million questions about it and if he put it in his Watcher diary then the Council would find out and who knows what they’d do.”

“Yeah. Never really trusted those guys. Plus if there were suddenly Nazis everywhere I’d be annoyed.”

“So, this isn’t about crystals. Was the 1972 thing what you wanted to talk about?”

“No,” Buffy said, and sat next to her on the bed. “There’s a couple of things...first, I wanted to just talk to you about...your magic. How your eyes go black sometimes.”

“You’re afraid of me,” Willow said. “After last night at Angel’s place...”

“Will, I could never be afraid of you,” Buffy said. “Sure, I know you’re powerful. But I know you’d never hurt me, or anyone else you care about. I know what’s in your heart. I know you’re a good person. But...I’m worried about you, Will. About you hurting yourself. This power...coming all at once, so fast...I just... wish you’d slow down a little. Give yourself time.”

Willow got up, and walked to the window, and stood beside Buffy. They watched the sunset together.

“I was always afraid, Buffy,” Willow said. “Afraid to let myself get angry. I thought I was, y’know, a nerd because I was afraid of other people, just...all doormat Willow. Need Willow to do your homework? No problem. Wanna insult Willow to show off to the cool kids, maybe get in good with Cordy? No problem. Weeping Willow, she’ll just stand there and take it. I thought it was because I was afraid of them. Turns out I was afraid of me. I don’t know why. But I couldn’t...I had problems letting myself get angry. Letting myself feel, y’know, bad stuff.”

Buffy took her hand.

“This power...I didn’t ask for it,” Willow said. “Not, y’know, even sure I want it. But...I’m connected to something. I feel like I’m vibrating sometimes, Buffy. Like...I can feel the whole world...creating echoes in me.”

She looked at Buffy. Willow’s eyes were green, now...but Buffy still remembered how they looked when she sat in the closet...

“And part of the world is dark,” Willow said. “I can feel its teeth. And this power...a lot of it comes from my anger. I need to let myself feel it, feel bad stuff...then get past the bad stuff, to the other side of it. There’s no way around the bad stuff. The only way past it is going through it.”

“I trust you, Will,” Buffy said. “Last night, I put my life in your hands, because I trust you. I know you’d never hurt us.”

“I want to help, Buffy. I want to fight by your side.”

“Okay. But promise me one thing?”

“Name it.”

“If things get hard...don’t shut me out. Come to me if things get hard, if you start to wig out. Okay? That’s it. Just come to me. Just talk to me.”

“Okay,” Willow said. “How are you and Faith?”

Buffy walked back to the bed, and sat down. She looked down at the floor.

“Guess we’re about to find out,” Buffy said. “She’s gotta be told about Angel before he gets here.”

Willow sat next to her.

“I like you with Faith,” Willow said. “She makes you smile. And y’know, that’s important to me. I need, y’know, like, a certain amount of Buffy smiles every day. Wasn’t gettin’ any for awhile. You were all mopey.”

“I like me with Faith too,” Buffy said. “She makes me laugh. She’s such a goof. She’s like, the goofiest Slayer ever.”

“Have you two...said the words yet?”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, and smiled. “She told me she loves me last night.”

“Aw baby, I’m so happy for you!” Willow said, and laughed, and hugged her. “I’m so happy for you both. You’re both like, my girls. I’m all like, just a big ol’ proud auntie.”

“Thanks. She...makes me happy. Which is pretty weird considering how much she used to annoy the frigging hell out of me. But I can never be annoyed at her anymore, for some reason. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

“Remember when you first met Angel? He annoyed you. I think you being annoyed by someone is a sign that you wanna, y’know, get all snuggly with ’em.”

“Well, Faith and I sure have come pretty far from that first day.”

“I don’t know,” Willow said, and grinned. “I mean, you totally sexed her up that first day, what’s really changed?”

“Okay, maybe you’ve got a point,” Buffy said, and giggled.

“My two perverted little Slayers,” Willow said. “You guys really were ridiculous with your lame lies. Coming to pick us up at Cordy’s place wearing other people’s clothes and being like, ‘Well, um, we got blood on ours.’ Plus you didn’t have underwear on.”

Buffy laughed.

“Even Xander almost didn’t believe you that first day, I had to like embellish the lie for you a little and make it better,” Willow said. “Plus I found other ways to get him to stop thinking about you guys.”

“You sure did,” Buffy said. “I’m happy for you guys too. He really loves you. When Xander and I talked last night...he told me how much he loves you.”

“I know. We’re...I talked to him, we’re good now. The thing with you and him...I know that’s way over with.”

“Okay, good. I don’t...want anything like that to come between us.”

“It won’t.”

“So...we’re good?” Buffy said. “You and me...we’re good?”

“Yeah,” Willow said, and squeezed her hand. “We’re good, sweetie. Yesterday was a weird day for me, and Faith’s memories...they sort of like, overwhelmed me. But, it’s like how they say a good night’s sleep changes everything? I woke up this morning feeling like, yeah, I can handle this. I can find my equilibrium. The thing is...these new feelings I have for you? They’re always gonna be there, Buffy, but I just need to remember what they really are. They’re Faith’s. The whole liking girls thing...that’s Faith. I mean, okay, sure, after getting all those memories I think I’m probably more open-minded about girls now? But...well...I still prefer thinking about Xander. Or James Van Der Beek. But not Xander and James Van Der Beek? Because that would just be gross.”

“So...you’re gonna tell Faith about how you have her memories today?”

“Yeah. I hope...it doesn’t make things too weird between her and me.”

“It won’t. Just give her a little time, Will. She likes you.”

“So like...with you two being big ol’ lesbians, are you gonna be all checkin’ out my booty all the time?” Willow said.

“Oh my God,” Buffy said, and giggled.

“Are you and Faith gonna be all like, hey, let’s have Willow over for a pajama party, Willow’s hot. Let’s like, totally sex her up.”

Buffy threw her head back and laughed; her face was red.

“And then maybe you’ll both be like, hey, here’s an idea, let’s have a pillow fight with Willow in our underwear!” Willow said, as Buffy kept laughing. “Because, not even kidding? If the three of us had a pillow-fight in our underwear and we filmed it for Xander he would give us a million dollars. Slow motion? Two million.”

“I’m not...I promise I...oh my God...” Buffy said, laughing and trying to talk at the same time. “I promise...I promise I won’t check out your booty.”

“What do you mean you won’t check out my booty?” Willow said. “What’s wrong with my booty? It’s a perfectly good booty! So, what, you’re a lesbian now and you don’t wanna check out my booty? What’s that about?”

Buffy fell back on the bed, laughing so hard her face was the color of a plum and she had tears in her eyes. She tried to breathe.

“Please...please stop...” Buffy managed to say, between fits of hysterical laughter. “Please stop...? Before...my face explodes...?”

Willow giggled and rubbed Buffy’s shoulder until Buffy got her breathing under control.

“I’ll check you out a little, but not too much, okay Will?” Buffy finally said, once she could breathe again. “I’ll check you out just the right amount.”

“Okay,” Willow said. “Sounds like a plan.”

“Will...” Buffy said, and stopped smiling. “There’s one more thing I wanted to talk about. I...need another favor.”

“Sure, sweetie, what do you need?”

“I need you to tell Faith about Angel.”

“What? Me? Why me?”

“She needs to hear it from someone objective. Someone who...when she hears it, she’ll know it’s all the truth.”

“You don’t think she’ll believe you?”

“Will, he did horrible things when he lost his soul but I love him. I can’t help loving him...even though I wish I didn’t and I want to kill him for what he did to you. I was about to kill him yesterday. If you hadn’t stopped me I would’ve. And he would’ve let me. I know he would’ve let me. But we need him. And...I still love him. You don’t love him. But you’re not biased against him the way Xander is either. Even with what Angelus did to you, you can still be objective. Faith needs to hear this, and she needs to hear it from you.”

“Are you sure?” Willow said.

“Yeah, Will,” Buffy said. “I am. I’m gonna have my hands full telling Giles all this stuff anyway, he needs to know.”

“That’ll be a fun conversation.”

“Yeah. Gotta be done though. I bet he’ll be all like, ‘You know what? Hit the bricks, Faith’s my girl now.’”

“He’d never say that, Buffy! Yeah, Faith’s his Slayer now too, but you’ll always be...you’ll always be Buffy. You’re his girl.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Buffy. I am. A hundred percent. Um...but there’s gonna be a lotta grumpiness first. But it’ll be proper British grumpiness.”

“Will...I want you to tell her everything. Tell her everything and let her decide, let her decide about Angel...about me. Tell her the good and the bad. Tell her about the good stuff he did, but tell her every single thing that happened last summer too...including Los Angeles.”

“Everything? Everything that happened in Los Angeles?”

“Yeah, Will. Everything. The photos, and everything else. She needs to know and...I love her. I love her and I can’t have any of this be a secret from her. And I need to know she’ll believe it, that she won’t think I’m leaving stuff out or glossing over stuff because I love him too. I love Angel but...I hate him now. I know it was Angelus, but...I still won’t ever forgive him for what he did to you. And Faith’s the one I’ve chosen. And I need her to know. Every single thing that happened, Willow. Tell her every single thing that happened, don’t leave a single thing out. Can you...can you do this for me?”

“Yeah. Um...are you...gonna tell Giles everything too? Even about Los Angeles?”

“Yeah. I’ve kept too much stuff from him and all he’s ever done is try to be there for me. No more lies. They just make this whole thing harder...on all of us. I’ll tell Giles, and you tell Faith, and we’ll let them decide about all this for themselves.”

“Buffy...we can’t tell Xander about what Angelus did to me.”

“He’d try to kill Angel.”

“Yeah, but more than that? Once he calmed down and realized there’s no way he’d actually be able to kill Angel? He’d say you and Faith should kill Angel. And if you didn’t he’d make you choose, Buffy. Between Angel and him. We need Angel right now for this big thing with the wolf vamps, and Xander understands that? But even so, he’d still make you choose. If Xander finds out about what Angelus did to me you’ll lose him for good. And he wouldn’t want me anywhere near you either, and then he’d make me choose too...between you and him. We can’t ever tell him, Buffy.”

“Not ever?”

“Not while Angel’s alive at least.”

“Will...I’d choose Xander. I’d choose Xander if I had to choose.”

“Wouldn’t be enough. Unless you killed Angel, Xander wouldn’t want us being friends anymore. He’d make me choose. Even if you did kill Angel, Xander still wouldn’t want me helping you out anymore after what Angelus did. I think... he’d try to stop me from helping anymore, or a least try to limit it. Like, no more going out in the field. Only doing magic from like, some safe place away from the fighting. If Xander finds out what Angelus did to me, that’s the end of us, Buffy. The Scooby Gang, all of it...it would be finished.”

“So...you’re gonna keep this a secret from Xander? Like, forever?”

“Yeah. Gotta be done. I want to help, Buffy. I want to be part of the fight. And I want Xander too. This is the only way I can have both.”

“Will...I want Faith to know about Angel. Everything about him, including how bad he was when he was Angelus. I don’t want to ever keep secrets from her again. But I know what he did to you was...a really...personal thing. And...if you don’t want Faith to know about it...I get that. I understand that. You can leave that part out, and I won’t ever tell her.”

“Faith can know. I know everything about her...I know all the hard stuff she went through. So she can know about me too...she can know about my hard stuff. She’ll just have to keep the secret from Xander too. Just me, you and Faith will know what Angelus did to me. I don’t want anyone else to ever know, Buffy. Not Xander, or Giles or anyone. Just us three girls.”

“It’s funny. I’m wondering what Faith will think about this, and I’m trying to decide how to answer you if you ask me what I think Faith will do. And now I’m realizing that if anyone knows what Faith will do here, it’s you. You know her better than me...better than anyone.”

“She’ll keep the secret,” Willow said. “Even if she decides to go after Angel, she’ll still keep the secret. She’ll do it for me. We’re her family, remember? Faith is committed to us now. She doesn’t want her family to break up. She doesn’t want to lose any of us. If she has to keep a secret from Xander to keep us together, she will.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “I think you’re right.”

“But...Angel’s a different story. He’s not part of her family. Letting him live is just asking Faith to make a tactical decision. But there are tactical arguments against letting him live too. Yeah, we need Angel for this, but letting him live means Angelus could get loose again someday. Faith might think it’s smarter to kill Angel while we have the chance than wait for Angelus to get loose again. And remember my philosophy? Becca’s always right?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s Faith’s philosophy. And if Becca was here she’d say we should kill Angel. I know that, so Faith knows it. So what if Faith decides the best thing to do is to follow Becca’s advice?”

“I’ll handle it,” Buffy said. “And hey, who knows? Maybe she’ll decide the best thing to do is leave me.”

“Buffy, she won’t do that. Faith won’t do that,” Willow said.

Buffy burst into tears.

“Hey!” Willow said, and hugged her. “Buffy, it’s...it’s okay, sweetie. It’s okay.”

“I’m scared, Willow!” Buffy said. “I’ve, I’ve been scared all day! My baby’s gonna leave! When she finds out about Angel...my baby’s gonna leave me...she’s gonna leave me.”

“She’s not,” Willow said, and held her tight. “She’s not.”

“Faith’s gonna leave me, she’s gonna leave me...” Buffy whispered, and cried in Willow’s arms...

“Can it be a 986 Boxter?” Giles said.

“Sure, G,” Faith said.

“Can it have a CD player?” Giles said.

“Absolutely,” Faith said. “How else am I gonna crank up my tunes while you’re chaufferin’ me around? You and me are gonna be stylin’, G.”

“Let’s talk about my jeep again,” Xander said.

“Sorry Xander, I gotta borrow her,” Buffy said, as she walked into the room. Faith, Giles and Xander were sitting on the couch together, sipping tea and eating cake. Faith was still wearing the red leather coat. She had a box full of papers in her lap. “Actually I gotta borrow Giles in a minute too,” Buffy said. “So, um, Xander, remember that TV show you really wanted to watch? Remember how you said you wanted to stay right here and watch the TV show and not come upstairs for any reason until the show’s over?”

“That show,” Xander said. “Yeah, I remember that show. I think it comes on right around now.”

“Giles, I need to talk to you in private, but not right this second. First I need Faith in the kitchen. Just gimme a minute, okay?”

“Is everything all right?” Giles said. He knew his Slayer: something was wrong. It wasn’t what she was saying. It was the way she was saying it.

Buffy sat on the arm of the couch, and played with Faith’s hair. “In a few minutes you can tell me,” she said. “Faith? C’mere, I want to talk to you in the kitchen about something.”

“Uh...yeah, okay,” Faith said, and got up, and followed Buffy into the kitchen.

“Xander, do you have any idea what’s going on?” Giles said.

“Yeah,” Xander said.

“Tell me. What is it? Is Buffy all right?”

“Not my place to say. Buffy has to tell you herself. Giles...you care about Buffy, right?”

“What kind of a bloody stupid question is that?” Giles said. “Of course I care about Buffy. And I’m in no mood for your half-arsed antics tonight. Tell me what’s going on.”

“I can’t, Giles,” Xander said. “But...when Buffy talks to you?” Xander put his hand on Giles’ shoulder. “Just remember that you care about her. Remember how hard last summer was on her. Remember that everything she’s done? She’s done because she cares about us...about you. So just...cut her some slack. Okay?”

“What’s up, B?” Faith said. Buffy sat down at the kitchen table. Faith sat beside her. Buffy ran her fingers through Faith’s hair. Faith smiled.

The moment was here...Buffy knew her time was up.

“What’s with the box full of paper?” Buffy said. “Giles finally making good on his threat to give us homework?”

“Nah. It’s one of his presents to me,” Faith said. “These are Becca’s Watcher diaries. G-Man downloaded them from the Council database for me. This is like...everything Becca ever wrote from the day she joined the Watchers. The potentials she trained, everything all the way up through findin’ me and training me. G-Man...he’s really cool.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said, as she ran her fingers through Faith’s hair, and just looked at her. “He is. I love you, Faith.”

“I love you too, Buffy,” Faith said, and smiled...but something was wrong. She saw something wrong, in Buffy’s eyes. “What’s...” She took Buffy’s hand. “Hey...what’s wrong?”

Buffy shook her head. “I need you to talk to Willow, okay?” she said. “She’s waiting for you, upstairs in the room we set up for you.”

“Talk to her about what?”

A tear rolled down Buffy’s cheek.

“You have to...I’m sorry...you just...have to talk to her, okay?” Buffy said. Her voice was shaky. Faith watched as Buffy stood up, and turned away from her.

Faith stood up and hugged her. Buffy still wouldn’t look at her.

“Tell me,” Faith said. Buffy shook her head.

Faith turned her around. Buffy was crying.

“Buffy...you’re scarin’ me, honey,” Faith said.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said. “I’m sorry, Faith.”

Faith felt the cold thing in her stomach.

She felt an icicle stab her, right through the heart.

“Are you...are you...leaving me?” Faith whispered, with tears in her eyes now, and her hands starting to shake.

“No, baby!” Buffy said, and hugged her, and kissed her cheek. “No, no. No. Never. I’ll never leave you, baby. I love you.”

“Then...then what’s...wrong...?” Faith whispered.

Buffy kissed her.

And she held the kiss, and stroked Faith’s hair as she kissed her. Their tongues touched, caressed. Each felt the other’s tears on her cheeks, tasted them on her lips. Faith didn’t pull away. She returned the kiss, every second of it...

“Hey stoner girl,” Tara said.

Faith opened her eyes.

The living room was filled with sunlight. Tara stood above her in the same gypsy skirt and sweater she’d worn the night before.

Faith smelled pancakes. They smelled good.

“I made some of my completely lame pancakes?” Tara said. “Want breakfast? It’ll be completely lame.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Faith said, and smiled.

“How come you think these are completely lame?” Faith said, as she sat at the kitchen table and ate pancakes with lots of butter and syrup. “They’re good.”

“They’re always either too thick or too thin?” Tara said, as she stood at the stove, flipping pancakes. There was a big stack on a plate beside her. Faith kept her eye on the stack. She was going to hunt the stack down. There was nowhere for the stack to run. “And I can never get them to like, be circles. They’re completely lame.”

“They’re good, Faith said.

“They’re not circles,” Tara said.

“They’re surrealist. You’re startin’ like, your own pancake movement.”

Tara came back to the table with the big stack of pancakes, put two on her own plate, and set the rest in between them.

“So you know how we’re friends?” Tara said, as she poured syrup on her pancakes.

“Yup,” Faith said.

“Now’s the part where you tell me stuff. Feel free to also make it the part where you tell me to shut up and mind my own business if you want, but...”

“I’d never say that to you,” Faith said.

“Cool,” Tara said, and smiled. “So talk to me.”

“About what?”

Tara took her hand.

“The lighthouse,” Tara said.

“You and Buffy, huh?” Tara said. “I thought so.”

Faith had told her everything. It had all just poured out of her.

Faith couldn’t believe it. She had known the girl less than a day.

But Tara was easy to talk to...she was warm...like Rebecca.

“You did?” Faith said. The pancakes were gone. Faith liked Tara’s pancakes and she had eaten fourteen of them. Tara had eaten two.

“It was in your eyes, sweetie,” Tara said. “When you told me how you were a Slayer last night, and you mentioned Buffy...you just...you looked so sad.”

“She doesn’t love me,” Faith said.

“She does, Faith,” Tara said.

Faith looked at her. Usually, Tara flinched when Faith looked in her eyes. This time Tara didn’t flinch.

“Look, you told me that you think you’re falling in love with Buffy, but you’re not a hundred-percent sure?” Tara said. “Not sure you trust her, not sure about a lot of stuff? Like how you said you know Buffy loves Willow, and maybe she still loves the guy she kissed too, and you don’t know where that leaves you, plus like, you’re not sure how you can fit with her friends anyway? Not to mention you still kind of like guys and Evan’s in Boston.”

“Yeah,” Faith said. She hadn’t thought of Evan. She realized she hadn’t thought of him when she was at the lighthouse the night before, about to jump. She’d thought about Rebecca, and Buffy.

“Well Buffy has a lot going on, she has this thing for Willow and she has her guy and what does she keep doing in the middle of all of it?” Tara said.

“Pissing me off?” Faith said.

“She brings you food,” Tara said. “She’s worried that you’re hungry. She invited you to live with her yesterday. The Slayer in her came out and you guys had, um, serious mad lovin’ for ten hours. Why do all that if she doesn’t care?”

“The Slayer part of her does. But Buffy...maybe she just feels bad for me.”

“Nope, wrong again,” Tara said. “Look, I feel bad for like, people in wheelchairs and stuff? But I don’t go to the trouble of bringing hot meals to their houses every single day. Buffy does that stuff because she cares about you, not because she just feels bad. And Buffy, and Willow and Xander too, they keep hanging with you. You think they’re gonna waste their time if they don’t want to be there?”

Faith shrugged her shoulders.

“Maybe I’m just Buffy’s fling,” Faith said. “As for Will, I like her, but she’s like, all smart. Can’t see why she’d want to hang with me.”

“For someone who’s really, really, completely not dumb?” Tara said. “You sure can act dumb. I sentence you to help me wash the dishes.”

Tara collected their dishes and went to the sink. Faith joined her.

“You’re on drying duty,” Tara said, and handed her a dishtowel.

“Okay,” Faith said.

Tara washed the dishes, and Faith dried them.

“Do you think that’s why you’re here with me?” Tara said. “Because I feel bad for you?”

“No,” Faith said. “I know you like me. I know you like being with me. You’re my friend.”

“Score one for the Slayer. So how come Willow can’t be your friend?

“I don’t know,” Faith said.

“I’ll take ‘Faith is Jealous of Willow for eight-hundred’, Alex,” Tara said.

“Faith is jealous of Willow for eight-hundred?” Faith said.

“You said you know for sure Buffy loves her. Maybe it’s not that Willow doesn’t want to hang with you. Maybe you don’t want to hang with her? Because you know Buffy loves her, and it makes you jealous?”

Faith thought about it. She hadn’t considered it before.

“Yeah but, she’s like, all smart too,” Faith said.

“Yeah, so what does this smart girl do according to your theory?” Tara said. “She decides to hang around with someone she doesn’t want to hang around with. Because that’s like, a real productive way to spend her time.”

“Maybe she feels bad.”

“Faith. If this thing we’re doing was just about me feeling bad for you? I would’ve talked you off that ledge last night and drove you to the nearest hospital. Instead I took you home and made you lasagna and we played Super Mario, and now here we are. Because I like you. Yeah, sure, I would’ve stayed with you in the hospital for awhile to make sure you were all right? But that would’ve been it. I try to help people, strangers even, but that doesn’t mean I let them all sleep over my house. I like you. You’re my friend. Willow likes you too.”

“Why...do you like me?” Faith said.

“I like how you carved your name on the rock, and I like how you’re like, tough and goofy at the same time?” Tara said. “I like how you don’t think my pancakes are lame and you don’t think my trunk has too much junk. I like the way you giggle, and your accent, and how you’re strong. How the first thing that went through your head after you told me about vampires last night was to protect me and make sure I stayed safe. You’re a hero. You’re a total utter wand. Plus, you know...I just like you. Sometimes, people just...like each other. Also? You’re very cute when you’re high.”

“Thanks,” Faith said, and smiled.

“How come you like me?” Tara said.

“I like how you smell, and...”

“Wait,” Tara said, and giggled. “How I smell. Really?”

“I’m a Slayer,” Faith said. “People’s scents are important. I remember scents forever, and even though like, intellectually, I know it’s not really fair? I judge people by how they smell. Nicest person in the world, they don’t smell good? I don’t trust ’em. You smell real good to me, Tara.”

“Do I smell like completely lame pancakes? Wait, Twinkies. Can I smell like Twinkies? I wanna smell like Twinkies.”

“Ginger. Ginger and some other stuff I can’t place, all combined. Smells real good. Like, exotic. I like being close to you.”

“I like being close to you too, sweetie.”

“Plus...I don’t know, I just...I just trust you.”

“You trust me?”

“Yeah. Something about you, y’know? I just trust you when you say stuff. You remind me of Becca. I trust you like I trusted her.”

“I never really...had friends before,” Tara said. “Growing up in Milwaukee, all the other kids all thought...I was weird.”

“I never really had friends either,” Faith said. “Just Evan and...he’s gone.”

“Well now you’ve got me. And maybe you can give Willow credit for being smart enough not to be wasting her time with someone she doesn’t want to be with?”

“I just...can’t ever figure out what I’m supposed to say to her.”

“Then don’t try to figure it out. Instead of thinking about what you’re supposed to say, just talk. And hey, look, if you don’t want to hang with her, if you don’t like her, then by all means don’t hang with her. But you keep on hanging with her. You talk about how you don’t know why she’d want to be with you, and then when she invites you out like every other day you go.”

“Sometimes I blow her off.”

“Yeah, because you’re doing your goofy ‘I’m not smart enough’ thing. If you really didn’t want her coming around you’d tell her to stop coming around. You’d tell her your motel room doesn’t have her name on it,” Tara said, and smiled, and splashed water at Faith.

“You really want to get into a splash fight with a Slayer?” Faith said. “Consider your options carefully here.”

“Um...okay, you make a good point,” Tara said, and giggled.

They were finished with the dishes. Tara drained the sink, and leaned against it, and looked at Faith.

“I think Buffy’s in love with you, Faith,” Tara said. “Maybe...she’s your queen of cups.”

Faith touched Tara’s hair, and her cheek...and kissed her.

Faith was gentle; she went slow. She didn’t want Tara to fly away.

Tara didn’t fly away. But when the kiss ended, she hugged Faith, and whispered in her ear.

“Just the one, Faith,” Tara whispered.

“Why?” Faith whispered. “Why just the one?”

Tara ran her fingers through Faith’s hair.

“Because I’m your friend, and it would be taking advantage,” Tara said. “You’re in a weird place right now, you’ve had a weird day and you’re really vulnerable. And because I think...I think maybe you’re meant to be with Buffy.”

Faith looked down at the floor.

“Do me a favor sweetie?” Tara said. “Try to work it out with her. Not just Buffy, but Willow and Xander too. They never gave up on you, so don’t give up on them just yet. Give them all one more chance first. And if it doesn’t work? If you try, and you decide you don’t want them, don’t want Buffy, in your life?”

“Then what?” Faith said.

“Then we’ll get to have our second kiss,” Tara said.

Buffy kissed her.

And she held the kiss, and stroked Faith’s hair as she kissed her. Their tongues touched, caressed. Each felt the other’s tears on her cheeks, tasted them on her lips. Faith didn’t pull away. She returned the kiss, every second of it...

And then Buffy let her go.

“Talk to Willow,” Buffy said. “She’s waiting for you upstairs.”

Faith nodded, and walked away...and then she turned.

“Was that a kiss goodbye?” Faith said.

Buffy sat down at the table.

She looked down at her hands. She didn’t look at Faith.

“Talk to Willow,” Buffy said.

“Buffy says...I need to talk to you,” Faith said, as she walked into the room Buffy and Joyce had set up for her.

It was a nice room, not quite as big as Buffy’s, but still comfortable, with a nice big bed and a hardwood floor, and a painting on the wall. Joyce ran an art gallery and she had good taste; Faith liked the painting. It was a modern impressionist painting and it reminded her a little of the Monets she had seen in the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. There was a desk too, and a good-sized bureau and a full-length mirror, and a big closet. Faith had thought she’d be living in that room...but now everything was different. She could live wherever she wanted to now, go wherever she wanted to go. She could buy a house. She could buy a castle. She probably owned a castle already, in England. But if she couldn’t take Buffy with her there didn’t seem to be any point to any of it. Without Buffy it didn’t matter... all the houses and the castles, they’d just be empty places... wherever she went, if Buffy wasn’t with her, she’d just be alone...

Willow was sitting on the bed.

“Yeah sweetie, we gotta talk, okay? There’s some stuff you gotta know,” Willow said. “C’mere, come sit with me.”

Faith sat next to her. “Will...what’s wrong with Buffy?” she said. “She’s scarin’ me. Is it...me? Did I do something?”

“No, sweetie,” Willow said, and took her hand. “You didn’t do anything wrong, it’s not you. Buffy loves you.”

“Then...what’s wrong?” Faith said.

“Someone hurt her,” Willow said. “Hurt all of us.”

“Buffy, what is it?” Giles said. “Tell me.”

Buffy sat on her bed, looking down at the floor.

“You’re gonna...be angry with me,” Buffy said. “And I’m sorry. I just...I didn’t know what to do and...I tried my best but you’re gonna think...you’re gonna think I didn’t care about Jenny but I did. You’re gonna think I don’t care about you but I do.”

“Jenny?” Giles said. “What does this have to do with Jenny?”

Buffy looked at the floor. Giles sat on the bed next to her.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Giles said.

“Angel’s alive,” Buffy said.

“So let’s see if I got this straight,” Faith said. She was pacing around the room like a lion in a cage. “Angelus, most bad ass of all the bad ass vamps, tears through Europe for a hundred and fifty years with his gal Darla. They kick the shit outta Europe man, they make Europe their bitch. Angelus sires Drusilla, Dru sires Spike. And they’re a big happy family and everything until one day our boy kills a gypsy girl and the gypsies, they’re pissed. So they curse our boy, give him his soul back. So now he’s all feelin’ guilty. ‘Oh, I’m a terrible person. Shit man, I need a twelve-step program.’ He mopes around for a hundred years. Fast-forward to 1997. He meets up with Buffy. For some reason I cannot fucking fathom, she’s diggin’ his shit. B’s all, ‘Damn, I gotta get me some o’ that.”

“He’s...a good-looking guy, Faith,” Willow said.

“Yeah, it’s not that, I get that. Angelus. The bad ass vamp with a face like an angel. Becca told me that too, it’s part of his rep, it’s in all the stories. Evil but hot. Thing is though? B and me, we’re Slayers. When you’re a Slayer the nose knows. And our noses know that vamps, they’re dead things. Everyone’s got a scent Will, and a Slayer catalogues them and always remembers them. I know your scent, Xander’s scent, Giles--I can pick any of you guys out of a crowd from a hundred feet away and so can Buffy. And vamps, you know what they smell like to a Slayer? Rotten meat. How can Buffy...how could she...be with him?”

“You don’t choose who you love, Faith. A couple of months ago, did you ever think you’d be in love with a girl?”

Faith smiled. “Yeah, okay, got a point there,” she said. “Anyway. So B and Angelus, who’s callin’ himself Angel now, they have a big epic romance. And he’s on the up and up for awhile, he helps out, fights the bad guys with B, helps save the world even. And then him and B finally get horizontal. Problem was, his curse says he loses his soul again if he’s ever perfectly happy, and B, she showed him a hell of a time. He loses his soul, cuts loose, gets together with Spike and Dru who just happen to be in town, kills folks. But you’re all a cool bad ass witch, so you find a way to turn the tables. You give him his soul back, and now he’s a good guy again. But it’s just a little bit too late, ’cuz Angelus, asshole that he was, he opened a portal to hell that’s gonna swallow the whole frigging world and the only way to close it is with his blood. So my girl, she shows why she’s the baddest of all the bad asses and she stabs Angel through the heart with his own fuckin’ sword and sends him to a hell dimension even though he’s got his soul back now. My girl, she saved the whole world.”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “She does that.”

“So anyway now he’s back, and he’s got his soul,” Faith said, and sat next to her again. “No one knows why...but he’s back. And no one’s really sure if they can trust him and everyone’s all tense and freaked out. So am I up to speed now?”

“No, sweetie,” Willow said, and rubbed her shoulder. “You’ve got the backstory. You know who he is. Now...you need to know what he did.”

“Thought you just told me. He lost his soul, got loose, killed folks.”

“That’s what he did to them,” Willow said. “Now I have to tell you what he did to Buffy...and what he did to me.”

“How could you...keep this from me?” Giles said, and got up from the bed, and walked away from her.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said, looking down at the floor.

“Sorry?!” he shouted, whirling around. “SORRY?! He butchered the woman I love and dressed her up in an evening gown and propped her up in my bed for me to find and you’re SORRY?!”

She looked up at him, with tears in her eyes. He started chuckling.

“Well of course, that just fixes everything, doesn’t it?” he said. “You’re sorry. It’s bloody brilliant. Giles, I’m sorry I dated a butchering monster who sadistically murdered thousands of people. Giles, I’m sorry he killed the woman you love. Giles, I’m sorry I lied to you about killing him. Of course, Buffy. Everything’s all better now.”

“I didn’t...I didn’t lie about killing him,” Buffy said. “I thought...he was dead. He came back...I don’t know how. He doesn’t know how.”

“He was dead,” Giles said. “He was always dead. He was a dead thing when you were dating him. And you didn’t tell me when he came back. You kept it from me. You have no respect for me, as your Watcher or as a person! You... you should have...”

Buffy got up off the bed, and touched his shoulder. He didn’t look at her.

“Don’t SAY THAT!” Buffy shouted. “Please don’t say that! I always respect you. You’re...you’re like a...” She looked at the floor. “I respect you. I’ve always respected you. But I didn’t know what to do. He has his, his soul back now, Giles. He has his soul and--”

“And now we can all just what?” Giles shouted, turning back upon her. “Forgive and forget? Angelus is gone now, and everything can go back to normal?”

“No,” Buffy said. “It can’t. Not ever again.”

“I am gonna dust that MOTHERFUCKER!” they suddenly heard Faith shouting, down the hall.

Giles turned, and looked toward the door.

“Faith,” Buffy said. “Willow’s telling her...about Angel.”

“MOTHERFUCKER!” they heard Faith scream again...

They heard a hammering sound, a boom that echoed through the house...

I don’t think Joyce ever liked that wall much anyway,” Willow said.

Willow was sitting on the bed. Faith was standing near the desk. Faith’s fist was through the wall.

“Or, um, we could maybe hang a painting over it,” Willow said.

Faith turned back to her. She pulled her fist from the wall, and pulled another chunk of the wall out with it.

“Got money now,” Faith said. “I’ll pay to fix it.”

Willow nodded. She sat with her hands folded in her lap, watching Faith.

“He raped you,” Faith said. “He...made you remember him raping you.”

“Yeah,” Willow said.

Faith sat next to her on the bed, and took her hand.

“I’m still afraid of closets,” Willow said. She felt Faith’s eyes on her. She didn’t look at them. She looked down at her hands. “I can’t hang up my clothes. Xander and I are using Joyce’s bedroom? All my clothes are in her bureau.”

Willow sat very still. She didn’t look at Faith. She tried to be strong.

She needed to be strong...leaders had to be strong. Someday she’d have to gather soldiers throughout time, be the general in a war...so she had to be strong...

Strong people didn’t cry.

“That’s why...my clothes look wrinkled a lot,” Willow said. “They’re never hung up. They’re always in drawers.”

Strong people didn’t cry...

Willow sat very still, and felt like she was shaking.

Faith gently turned Willow around, so Willow could see her...

Faith was crying.

Tears streamed down Faith’s cheeks, as Faith took Willow in her arms...

And Willow cried.

“Never again,” Faith whispered. “No one’s ever gonna hurt you again, Will. They try? I’ll kill them.”

“Remember...when we first met?” Willow whispered, as she held onto Faith, and cried...and felt protected. “You saved me. You always save me.”

Faith gently tilted Willow’s head up, and looked her in the eyes.

“You’re part of my family,” Faith said. “No one fucks with my family.”

“You hugged me then too,” Willow said. “You’re like, all, the hug girl.”

“One of my Slayer powers,” Faith said. “Got the power of super-hugs. I’m gonna kill Angel for what he did to you, honey. I’m gonna shove my stake so far up his ass it’s gonna come out his fucking teeth.”

Willow smiled. She pulled away a little, and looked at Faith.

“Y’know, right now? Just being with you, and looking at you, and listening to you, at like, this particular second?” Willow said. “I can see exactly, exactly why Buffy loves you so much, sweetie. Why you two are gonna be so great together. I’m just all, a proud auntie.”

Faith giggled. “An auntie?” she said.

“You and Buffy, you’re both my, y’know, little perverted Slayer nieces.”

Faith laughed. “Yeah,” she said. “Yeah, that’s me and B all right. And you guys, you’re all my family. So you can be my auntie if you want.”

“Okay,” Willow said, and wiped her tears away. “First thing auntie says is, you can’t kill Angel. I mean it Faith, you can’t. He’ll be coming over tonight to stay until this stuff with the wolf vamps is over and we need him.”

“But...Will...what he did to you...”

“What he did to me means if anyone in this room gets to kill Angel it’s me,” Willow said, and looked Faith in the eyes, and didn’t flinch. “And I decided not to, last night. I could’ve burned him alive and I didn’t. Buffy was about to kill him, and I stopped her. You’re not gonna kill him either.”

Willow rubbed Faith’s shoulder.

“Sweetie,” Willow said. “I love you. I love how you want to protect me. I love being part of your family. Before you came into our lives, things were bad, we were lost...we were in the dark. But then you came, and everything’s better now, for all of us. Buffy, me, Xander...things are better now that you’re with us.”

“I was...lost too,” Faith said.

“Not anymore,” Willow said. “You’re with us now. We’re your family.”

Faith nodded, and smiled.

“A Slayer always thinks tactically,” Willow said. “So think tactically here, sweetie. You know I’m right. The Slayer part of you? The part that’s all, comin’ up with the plan? That part might not like Angel on general principle but it still knows I’m right. We’re looking at a big fight and we need help. We need Angel.”

“If we can trust him,” Faith said.

“When he has his soul he’d never hurt us.”

“Buffy almost killed him yesterday? She was gonna kill him?”

“Yeah. When she found out what Angelus did to me. Before she met you, before she met Angel, Buffy was in love with me. But you already know.”

“You knew that?” Faith said. “But...how did you know...I knew?”

Willow got up, and moved to the window, and looked out at the sky. The night was coming on; it was getting dark. The stars were coming out now, and the moon was rising. But the moon was almost gone, just days from the new.

“This...is gonna be awkward,” Willow said.

“He has his soul back. Well isn’t that bloody wonderful,” Giles said. “You don’t understand what a vampire really is. Even after all this time, even after everything I’ve hammered into your head while you sat there in my house and smirked and made fun of me and counted the moments until you could leave --”

“I never did that,” Buffy said. He was standing, looking right down at her. She sat on her bed, looking away from him, at her closet. “I never made fun of you, I never...counted the moments until I could leave. Yeah, I make jokes sometimes. It’s how I survive this, okay? If I had to be serious about it all the time? About how like, I’m the Slayer and I have to be the one who saves the world? I’d kill myself. But I always respected you, Giles. And I always needed you. I still do.”

“Funny. You never acted like it,” Giles said.

“I’m sorry, if...I seemed that way,” Buffy said. “That’s not how it was for me. That’s not how I meant to be.”

“Sorry doesn’t make it better, Buffy! That doesn’t make this go away! You still don’t get it, do you? You still don’t understand what Angel really is! I tried to tell you. Even when he was helping us, I tried to tell you. You never listened. When someone becomes a vampire, they lose their soul. But the soul is not the whole person. It’s one’s conscience, yes, one’s humanity. But the essence of the person, their intellect and memories, their loves, their innate capacity for good or evil, remains intact.”

“Oh good, a lecture,” Buffy said, still looking at the closet. “Shoulda brought my notebook.”

“Yes, a lecture, because you bloody well need one and you will bloody well listen to me for once!” Giles shouted.

“I always listened. Anyway, you’ve got the floor.”

“Vampires need blood to survive. They’re like animals, in a way. You don’t blame a wolf for killing a deer. It’s doing what it has to do to survive. But Angelus didn’t kill just to survive. He killed for pleasure. He called it his “art”. He didn’t merely kill Jenny. He killed her, dressed her in a beautiful evening gown, and put her in my bed. So that when I found her, I would suffer that much more. That’s what he does. Not just because he lost his soul. Because that’s who he is, who he was when he was Angelus and who he is now when he’s Angel. There’s a monster in him, Buffy. He can keep it in check when he has his soul. But it will always be there. And he’ll always be dangerous.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. “I know. I’ve always known.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Willow said. “I didn’t mean for it to happen...I don’t know how it did. I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who should be apologizing to you, Will,” Faith said.

Willow stood by the window, and watched Faith, as Faith sat on the bed, and looked down at her hands.

“Apologize?” Willow said. “For what?”

But Willow knew. Willow knew she and Buffy had a long way to go with Faith...a lot of work still to do...

“My life. It’s not fair, that you had to...be me,” Faith said, softly. “That you had to feel like you were...some skank on the street giving blowjobs.”

Faith wouldn’t look at her. She still looked down at her hands.

“It’s worse...than what Angelus did to you,” Faith whispered. “What I did to you is worse. Having to be me is worse. It’s worse.”

Faith started to cry.

“I’m...weighing you down,” Faith said. “I’m...a burden. That’s all I am. A fucking...weight around your neck. I should’ve...never come into your life. You should’ve all just...told me to get lost. Buffy should’ve just...stayed away.”

Willow walked back to her, and knelt in front of her, and took her hand.

“If you stayed away I’d be dead now,” Willow said. “A couple times over, at least. You always save me.”

Faith still wouldn’t look at her. Willow wiped the tears from Faith’s eyes, and smoothed her hair.

“You’re not a skank,” Willow said. “You’re someone people took advantage of. You’re not dumb. You dropped out of school. Your Mom made you think no one can love you. But she was wrong, Faith. Becca loved you. Buffy loves you. I think Tara loves you, too. And I love you.”

Faith finally looked at her.

“Missed that before, didn’t you?” Willow said. “I told you I love you a few minutes ago and, zoom! Right over your head. You miss stuff sometimes, sweetie. Because Buffy was right about you. You’re not dumb. But you get caught up in yourself...you don’t see what’s around you. I love you, Faith.”

“You...love me?” Faith whispered.

“Yeah,” Willow said. “Wanna know why, sweetie?”

Faith nodded.

“Because I was you,” Willow said. “I lived your life, all of it. And I’ve been thinking about it...about you...ever since last night...ever since I got all those memories. I’ve been thinking about how you always felt cold, and you didn’t think anyone loved you. But, the thing about you? You’re tough. You hung in when things looked hopeless. Becca wouldn’t have found you, if you weren’t able to hang tough for a long time first. You’re tougher than me, Faith. But you don’t see so well, sometimes...there’s stuff you don’t notice, because you’re kinda in your own head a lot. When I lived your life, I noticed things you didn’t.”

“Like...like what?” Faith said.

“People love you,” Willow said. “Because you’re someone worth loving. The only one who doesn’t think so? Is you. Remember what Buffy told you, when the Slayer came out? You don’t know how to love yet. You need to learn to love yourself, first. You’re part of me now, Faith. And I love that part of me.”

Willow kissed her. Faith blushed, but she didn’t pull away.

“I love you,” Willow said. “Because I am you, and I know how to love myself. Because I know you now, better than anyone else...and I know you’re someone worth loving. Buffy, Xander, Giles, Tara, me...we’re committed to you, sweetie. We’re not giving up on you. But you have to meet us halfway. You can’t give up on yourself either. You have to learn how to love yourself, Faith.”

“But...all the stuff that happened to me...my Mom and...living on the street,” Faith said. “I just wish...you didn’t have to go through that. I wish...you didn’t have to be...burdened with it.”

“You’re not a burden,” Willow said, and smiled. “Living your life? Yeah, it was tough, but it taught me some important things. It wasn’t a burden, it set me free. I’ve known Angel was back from that hell dimension for months now. I’ve been scared of my closet, scared of my own frigging shadow since he did what he did to me, but I never confronted him. I knew he was back but I never confronted him...until last night.”

Willow caressed Faith’s cheek.

“The first thing I did, once I got your memories, lived your life?” Willow said. “I found my courage. And I went right out and stood up to Angel...stood up to my fear. A burden? You’re not a burden to me. You’re a gift, Faith. You showed me I could be strong. You shouldn’t be apologizing to me. I should be thanking you.”

“Yeah?” Faith said, and smiled.

“Yeah,” Willow said, and smiled back. She got up and sat next to Faith on the bed, and put her arm around her.

“Um, but just to clarify some stuff?” Willow said, and grinned. “Um...I don’t love you like, in a wanting to get busy kinda way. So get those pervo thoughts out of your head.”

Faith giggled, and blushed.

“Shit,” she said. “I forgot...you must know, right? How like, I think you’re hot. Had a little crush on you.”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “I have to admit it was um, really strange? Having all these memories of meeting myself and wanting to boink me? It’s like everyone wants to boink me all of a sudden. You, Buffy, Xander...there should be like, a TV show. They could call it ‘Everyone Wants Willow.’ Plus, I actually smelled myself. With your Slayer senses, I actually know my own scent now.”

“You’re the strawberry girl. So...you’ve got my memories...so...you and... Buffy...uh...I mean you remember you and Buffy...”

“Gettin’ busy?” Willow said, and smiled.

“Yeah,” Faith said, and blushed.

“The girl does know her way around the bed,” Willow said. “You guys... wow. I’m, y’know, hetero? But...just...wow.”

“Yeah, B’s pretty wow,” Faith said, and grinned. “So, uh...what did she think about all this? I mean, when you told her you got me in your head now... what did she think about...I mean...you know how she feels now. You know...the way Buffy’s always felt about you.”

“It...was awkward,” Willow said. “But I love her too...as my best friend. So we’ll get through it. We’ll figure it out. But...that brings up something else I gotta tell you now. There’s like, one tiny little burdensome thing about having your memories? And it’s that sometimes, I sort of get confused...like, I know I’m Willow but, I sort of, um, react to stuff like you would. Like, last night when I told Buffy about how I have your memories now, she noticed I was talking with your accent. Like, even though it feels like I lived your whole life? I’ve really only had these memories for less than a day. And I’m sorta still figuring out how to handle them...it feels like there are two of me now. And...around Buffy? It’s... weird. Sometimes...I think I’m in love with her, because you are.”

Faith nodded. She looked uncomfortable.

“And I have to remind myself those are your feelings, not mine,” Willow said. “Last night, I thought I was in love with her. Ever since I got your memories in the car? I was...thinking about...being with Buffy. Whenever I looked at her, I wanted her. I’m sorry. I know this is...hard to hear.”

“It’s okay,” Faith said. “It’s not your fault, Will. You didn’t know this would happen.”

“Yeah, and...I mean I knew like, intellectually? That those feelings weren’t really mine, but...they were there, I had them,” Willow said. “I thought about Buffy all night last night, before she and I finally talked. I thought about...”

“Being with her,” Faith said. “In bed with her.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Faith. I didn’t want to but...I couldn’t help myself. I just...wanted her. I felt like I was you, and...I wanted her with me...I wanted her the way you do. I couldn’t stop...thinking about the memories...about those times in your motel room. I was...”

Willow blushed.

“I was fantasizing about her,” Willow said. “But...Buffy and I talked it out last night and...I’m okay now. It took me some time but...I found my way back to myself. Buffy helped me. Without Buffy, I don’t know if I would’ve been able to find my way back. Last night, when she talked to me...she helped me get through it. It was hard and...she helped me through it.”

“Okay,” Faith said. “It’s cool, Will. Don’t worry about it.”

“Faith,” Willow said. “Remember our philosophy? Becca’s always right. So I won’t lie to you. Buffy’s still in love with me, and I think she always will be. I was her first love. But you’re the one she’s chosen. It’s not like, she’s only with you because she can’t have me. If she could have me? If I suddenly turned gay? She’d pick you, sweetie. Yeah, I was her first love? But you’re her last love. You’re her forever love.”

“Yeah?” Faith said. “You...really mean that?”

“Yeah,” Willow said. “I do, sweetie.”

Faith smiled.

“So, uh...have you told Xander?” Faith said “That...y’know...you got me in your head.”

“No,” Willow said. “Not sure if I’m gonna. I mean...he’s a guy and...once he thought about it and realized that having your memories means I remembered like, gettin’ busy with Buffy a bunch of times? He’s a guy and...y’know.”

“He’d be comparing himself to her.”

“Yeah, and...it’s...it’s apples and oranges. He’d want to know, even if he didn’t ask, he’d want to know who I thought was better but...it’s...”

Willow looked away from her.

“It’s...I mean...it’s two different things,” Willow said. “Him and Buffy, it was like two different kinds of things. I mean, Buffy’s a girl, and it was just... different. Anyway...I don’t know if I’m gonna tell him.”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and rubbed Willow’s shoulder. She could read Willow pretty well by now...and she heard the truth, underneath Willow’s lie. “Guys can be like...they can obsess over stuff like that. They can get all like, y’know, whose dick is bigger, when it’s not even like, about that. Plus...Will...they’re my memories. They’re not really...how you feel. You gotta hold onto that, honey.”

“Yeah. So...um...listen...I told Buffy about Tara,” Willow said, changing the subject. “Not the kiss? Because that’s your business, but...just how Tara’s your friend, and you care about her. I told Buffy a few things, not a lot of stuff, but a few things that I thought she needed to hear, because I want you guys to work, and you both almost broke up. And I don’t want that to happen again. We both know what almost happened to you when you thought you lost Buffy.”

Faith nodded, and looked down at her shoes. Willow gently turned Faith back toward her.

“I didn’t tell Buffy about the lighthouse,” Willow said. “But, you ever try to pull a stunt like the lighthouse again? I will kick your fucking ass. You ever do anything like that again and my boot’s going straight up that ass.”

Faith smiled.

“Somethin’ funny, girlfriend?” Willow said, and looked Faith in the eyes. “Look in my eyes. Do I look like I’m fucking kidding here?”

“Hell no,” Faith said, her smile getting wider.

Suddenly, Willow started giggling.

“Shit,” Willow said. “Um...sorry. Got all...Faith-ish for a sec.”

“So that’s what I’m like, huh?” Faith said. “Damn. I’m a bad ass. Feels like I just gave myself a real stern talking-to.”

“Yeah, pretty much. But, sweetie? Don’t ever do anything like the lighthouse again. I couldn’t...I couldn’t handle something like that again.”

“I won’t. What stuff did you tell Buffy?”

“Telling Buffy some stuff about you last night was a one-time thing, Faith. It’s your private stuff and I won’t ever blab about it again. But there’s stuff that could be landmines for you two if it isn’t out in the open, and I want you guys to work. So I told her about Tara, because it’s not like you’re gonna stop seeing Tara, she’s still your friend, and I don’t want Buffy getting the wrong idea. I told her about Evan too, because Buffy’s really nervous about Evan. I told her you still love him but you love her more. We talked about Becca a lot...Buffy’s curious about Becca.”

“What did you say about Becca?”

“That I miss her. I miss her all the time. That I love her.”

“Yeah. Me too,” Faith said, and hugged her.

“How you can ever be down on yourself when someone like Becca loved you so much, I have no idea, Faith,” Willow said. “Do you know how lucky you were, to have her?”

“Becca was...real special.”

“So are you. Becca never talked just to talk, remember? And she told you she loved you.”

“Yeah,” Faith said, and smiled.

“My Mom...she doesn’t really love me,” Willow said. “I wish...Becca was my Mom.”

“Your Mom doesn’t love you?”

“It’s not like she’s mean to me or anything, but...she just...goes through the motions. She does stuff for me because she has to, because it’s expected, not because she wants to. I don’t think...I was planned. I think I was an accident. I don’t think my Mom wanted kids. I always stay over here a lot, because I like Joyce better. I think Joyce cares about me more than my own Mom does.”

“I care about you.”

Willow smiled, and kissed Faith’s cheek.

“Thanks, sweetie,” Willow said. “So, anyway...um...let’s get back to why we’re here. You need to know about the stuff Angel did when he was Angelus. You know what he did to me...now you need to know what he did to Buffy.”

“Telling me all this stuff isn’t exactly helping your case for why we shouldn’t kill him,” Faith said.

“Preaching to the choir. But we need him and we both know it. And he wouldn’t hurt us when he has his soul...you just have to trust me on that. And one more thing, before I tell you about Angelus? I said I could have killed him yesterday? That’s only because he would have let me kill him. Sure, I’m a witch? But I’m not so powerful yet that I could kill Angel if he actually tried to defend himself. Yeah, I created that fireball but Angel could have killed me about fourteen different ways before I had a chance to use it if he wanted to. Instead he just stood there. When I shot the fireball at him, he stood there. When Buffy kicked the crap out of him? He just took it. I think...Angel wants to die.”

“He should, for what he did.”

“Yeah, maybe. Okay, I’m saying we need him? But that doesn’t mean I have to like it. Anyway...when Angelus was loose and killing, everything he did was about Buffy. Even what he planned on doing to me, that was about Buffy too. Angelus wasn’t like other vampires. Killing wasn’t enough for him. What he really wanted was for us to suffer...for Buffy to suffer.”

“Our boy Angel’s big on making people suffer,” Faith said.

“Angelus, sweetie. As much as I didn’t want to think so yesterday, as much as I wanted to kill Angel, even then I knew there’s a difference. Anyway, we looked all over but we couldn’t find him. Even my locator spell couldn’t find him. He got some kind of talismans from this shaman he knew, and he and Spike and Dru all wore them. The talismans hid them from me. It took Buffy weeks to find them. And even then she only managed it because Spike asked for her help.”

“What? Spike? Why?”

“Spike’s sorta strange. He’s evil and annoying and he gets off on killing Slayers, he’s already killed two--”

“Yeah. Becca told me that. Killed a Slayer in China about a hundred years back named Xin Rong. Killed Nikki Wood in New York in 1977. I always wanted to meet Spike. Always wanted to test myself against him. It’s part of the reason I