Twenty

DIVIDE AND CONQUER

“Spike,” Faith said. “How the hell did he get involved in this? How the hell did he find out about the Key?”

“Frigging little British weasel,” Angel muttered, and started in on another Guinness. “He must have heard the Key could be valuable to the right people. Spike always looks for opportunities to line his pockets.”

“Even if it means destroying the world?” Buffy said. “I thought he didn’t want to destroy the world. Y’know, like, there’s no more soccer and beer if the world is destroyed.”

“Not to mention, what the hell good is money anyway if the world ends,” Faith said.

“Spike’s an idiot,” Angel said. “He probably doesn’t know what the Key can do.”

“So now what?” Faith said, and finished her last meatball. She was still hungry. She stole one off Buffy’s plate.

“We have the Key, meatball girl,” Buffy said. “So we don’t have to go into like, desperation mode yet. But we need to get our hands on Spike. If he really brokered this deal he’s got info on those vamps and those priests.”

“Plus we took his Key, and he probably didn’t get his money,” Faith said.

“He won’t know you, but he’ll recognize Buffy’s description,” Angel said. “He must know Buffy has the Key. He might come at us. Hopefully he will.”

“Hopefully?” Faith said.

Angel finished his Guinness. He went to the refrigerator, pulled two more out of the case, and started in on another one.

“So I can kick the crap out of him,” Angel said. “Didn’t get a chance to last time he was here.”

“Seein’ how you were evil and all,” Faith said.

“Good, evil, doesn’t matter. I always wanna kick the crap out of Spike.”

“Why?” Faith said.

“He’s a pain in the ass,” Buffy and Angel both said, at the same time.

“And dangerous too,” Faith said, as she eyed the rest of Buffy’s meatballs. “Becca told me about him. We should be careful. Come up with a plan.”

“Yeah,” Buffy said. She speared one of her meatballs with her fork, and held it out to Faith. Faith ate it off the fork. “The plan is to find him before he finds us. He’s got guys working for him now, and he knows where I live. No idea what he’s got up his sleeve, so we have to hit him first. I figure he must be in town somewhere.”

“How do we work it?” Faith said. “Gotta guard the house too.”

“We should start looking for Spike today, while the sun’s up,” Angel said. “He’s just stupid enough to be laying low in one of his old haunts, maybe we can sneak up on him. Plus I have the phone number that vamp gave me just before I cut his head off anyway. So we’ll manage to track Spike somehow. Since I’m no good in the sun I’ll stay inside until dark, guard the house. I need sleep anyway, I haven’t slept since Saturday.”

“I’ll look for Spike,” Buffy said. “I know all his hangouts.”

“I got kind of a dilemma here,” Faith said. “I wanna be out there with you looking for Spike. He’s dangerous, I don’t want you out there alone.”

“I can handle Spike,” Buffy said. “Handled him before.”

“I know, honey,” Faith said. “But you’re my girl. I wanna be out there protecting you.”

Angel felt it, when Faith said that; it rocked him. He drank his beer.

“But Will...I don’t know if she’ll wanna be here with Angel alone,” Faith said. “If she’s scared to be here alone with him I wanna stay with her, make sure she’s okay. So...I got a dilemma here.”

“Xander won’t like Angel being in the house without us here either,” Buffy said.

“I’ll be on the cot in the cellar,” Angel said.

“Doesn’t matter, it’ll still make him nervous,” Buffy said. “He’ll be worried about Willow.”

“We’ve got three options,” Faith said. “Buffy goes out alone and I hang back here with Will, Buffy and I go out there together, or we go out there and bring Will with us.”

“Dangerous,” Angel said. “Okay, yeah, you’ve come up against Spike and won, Buffy. And yeah, I’d bet on you to beat him again if it came down to it. But he’s got people working for him now too. If he corners you somewhere, and you’re outnumbered, I don’t like the idea of Willow in the middle of it with you.”

“Me neither,” Buffy said. “But she doesn’t trust you. She’s afraid of you.”

“Yeah,” Angel said. He finished his beer and started in on the other one.

“How many of those have you had?” Buffy said.

“A few,” Angel said.

“It was on your breath when you got back here,” Buffy said.

“Had to hit a demon bar,” Angel said. “Killed a few demons, had a few beers. Good times. Taking Willow out with you when you look for Spike is a bad idea. You’ll have to worry about protecting her and if you run into Spike she’ll just slow you down. You should keep her here.”

“She almost roasted your ass,” Faith said. “Will can handle herself. And can you blame her for not trusting you? For not wanting to be left alone with you? Hell, I don’t trust you either.”

“Yeah,” Angel said, and looked away from her.

“How about...we talk to Will in the morning, see how she wants to play it,” Buffy said. She watched Angel. His eyes were unfocused again. He wasn’t looking at either of them. The deep gash she had made when she scratched his face was still there; the wound was scabbed over and faded to pink now, but it was still there.

Angel drank his beer, and didn’t look back at her.

“You were never much of a drinker,” Buffy said.

“You were sixteen,” Angel said. He still wasn’t looking at her. “Didn’t feel right, drinking in front of you.”

He finished his beer and got up. He went to the refrigerator and pulled out two more.

“Look, I’m gonna go back down to the cellar, get some sleep,” he said. “I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow. Today. Whatever.”

He walked away, without looking at either of them.

Buffy and Faith went back to Buffy’s bedroom, and shut the door behind them. They got into bed, under the covers, and Buffy held Faith in her arms, and kissed her. Faith curled up against her breasts.

Buffy watched her, and stroked her hair.

Buffy had spent a lot of time looking into Faith’s big brown eyes. She knew them by heart, now.

“What’s wrong , baby?” Buffy said.

“I don’t know,” Faith said.

Buffy kissed Faith’s forehead, and stroked her hair.

She knew it took awhile for Faith to talk, sometimes.

She waited.

“Guess I feel kinda...I don’t know...embarrassed, a little,” Faith said, after awhile. “Kinda bad. Like, angry at Angel but angry at me too, at the same time.”

“How come?” Buffy said.

They spoke softly. They knew Angel might hear if they talked too loud.

“It’s just...I don’t know,” Faith said. “I mean, he did all that bad stuff and I keep hatin’ on the guy but...he didn’t have his soul then, plus...I don’t know, he seems kind of okay to me, y’know? Like, not forgivin’ him for what he did to you and Will, but...I just feel...like when I said that stuff about not trustin’ him, maybe I kicked him when he was down.”

Faith kissed Buffy’s breasts over her nightgown. Buffy sat up, and took her nightgown off.

She brought Faith’s head back to her breasts, and Faith curled up against them again.

“Is this better, baby?” Buffy said.

Faith nodded. Buffy kissed her forehead again.

“He’ll bounce back,” Buffy said. “He’ll keep it together, focus on the mission. Angel always does.”

“Must be hard on him,” Faith said. “I mean, you and me, together in the house, and he can like, hear it all.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Buffy said. “How about we never have sex again as long as we live, just in case he might hear us. Sound like a plan?”

Faith giggled, and shook her head, and rubbed her feet against Buffy’s under the covers.

“No?” Buffy said, and moved her hand down between Faith’s legs, and caressed her pussy over her panties. “You don’t like that plan?”

Faith giggled, and shook her head again.

“You have another plan, baby?” Buffy said.

Faith nodded, and kissed her.

“It’s a secret plan,” Faith said.

“Whisper it in my ear, baby,” Buffy said. “Whisper what you want momma to do.”

Faith whispered something in Buffy’s ear.

Buffy smiled.

Two hours later, she opened her eyes again. The sun was up, but Buffy could tell it was early; the crickets were still chirping, and when she went to the window and peeked through the curtains she saw the lawn was covered with dew and people weren’t outside yet.

She opened the window as she peeked through the curtains. The day was brisk and beautiful, and the air smelled like roses. The sky was blue, as far as she could see, in every direction.

Faith was sleeping soundly, naked in the bed. The bed was rather rumpled. She slept curled up on her side, like she always did. Buffy went back to the bed, and sat down beside her, and watched her sleep.

“You’re so beautiful, baby,” Buffy whispered, and kissed Faith’s forehead, and draped the blankets over her.

Then, careful not to disturb Faith’s sleep, Buffy put her nightgown and socks back on and walked out of the room, quiet as a cat.

The house was silent as she walked down the hall. She passed her mother’s room; Willow and Xander were still asleep. Their scents came to her; she focused in on Willow’s sweet strawberry scent as she passed their door.

Then she put it out of her mind, and walked downstairs, to the cellar.

When she opened the cellar door the air felt cold. The cellar was dark.

The old wooden stairs leading down there were thin and treacherous and creaky. But Buffy was sure-footed as she walked down those stairs, and descended into darkness.

The stairs didn’t creak. Buffy didn’t make a sound. She never made a sound when she didn’t want to.

Angel’s scent came to her: rotten meat.

When her eyes adjusted to the light she saw him lying on the cot, looking up at the ceiling.

“Thought you were gonna sleep,” Buffy said.

“I was,” Angel said. “But I smelled you coming. It woke me up.”

“My scent woke you up?” Buffy said, and leaned against the wall, and watched him. There were six empty beer bottles littering the floor around him.

“Always does,” Angel said.

“I’ll let you go back to sleep in a minute. But first I want to know what the First said when she appeared as me. You said you’d tell me in private if I want.”

“Why do you need to know so bad?”

“I just...I don’t know. I just do.”

Buffy walked over to the cot, and sat down on the edge of it.

“Why don’t you want to tell me?” Buffy said.

“Because the First lies,” Angel said. “It lies, and tries to hurt us.”

Something was wrong. Faith suddenly shot back to consciousness, sitting bolt upright in her bed before she knew what had happened.

She looked around. Buffy wasn’t in the bed. The room was bright; the curtains were drawn but Faith could tell the sun was shining outside.

She got up and threw her nightgown on. She reached out with her senses...

And then, she smelled it. Rotten meat...

It was Angel’s scent.

She heard him now, coming up the stairs...coming toward her.

She grabbed her stake from the nightstand before she knew she was doing it. She threw the door open...

Angel stood there, smiling down at her like a wolf.

His eyes caught the light from the window, and reflected silver. They looked like the moon shining on a black sea.

When Faith looked into them, she knew that all the terrible things Angel had ever seen, all the terrible things he’d ever done in more than two centuries, were there, floating just beneath the surface of that icy black sea...

His eyes froze her. For a second, she thought she might drown...sink beneath the waves, down into darkness, her blood stopping in her veins, everything warm inside her turning to ice...

She was afraid.

Then Faith thought of Rebecca’s beautiful blue eyes; she remembered Rebecca’s warmth, and her strength...she knew Rebecca wouldn’t be afraid.

So Faith decided she wouldn’t be, either.

She dismissed her fear. She made herself look back at him.

“Good morning, Faithy,” Angel said. “You done pissing your panties yet?” He chuckled.

“What do you want?” Faith said. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, Buffy and I were talking...”

“Buffy and you?” Faith said. “Where is she?”

“She’s down in the cellar. On my cot.” He smiled.

“Uh-huh,” Faith said.

“Yeah, so anyway, Buffy and I were talking, and she thought it would be nice if you came and joined us,” Angel said. “You know, for a threesome. I gotta tell you, Faith, Buffy sure can fuck? I mean, that girl can go all night! Real flexible too. But the girl just cannot suck dick to save her life. I was hoping you’d give her some pointers. Buffy said you were the blowjob queen of Boston. She told me you suck dick like a real pro.”

Faith felt like she was falling.

She looked into Angel’s eyes, and she felt the cold thing inside her...the cold thing that had become a part of her when Rebecca died, and had never left...

She could forget it sometimes, but she knew it would always be there.

“How about it, Faithy?” Angel said, and chuckled again. “Wanna have some fun? Buffy’s resting right now, I kinda tired her out? But you know she’s a bunny in the sack. You and I can get started, then she can join in. Come on, it’ll be a good time! Don’t try to pretend you don’t have the hots for me, I can smell it on you. You’d love it. Once you go vamp, you never go back.”

“She wouldn’t,” Faith whispered. “She wouldn’t...do that to me.”

“Geez, no reason to get all emotional about it,” Angel said, and frowned. “Buffy says you’re a great lay, what more do you want?”

“But...she loves me,” Faith whispered, and started to cry.

“She wouldn’t,” Buffy whispered. “She wouldn’t...do that to me.”

“I know,” Angel said.

They sat on his cot together, in the dark.

Angel could see in the dark, better than any human. When he looked at Buffy, he saw that her face was red.

She was looking down at the floor, and holding onto the edge of the cot. The cot had a metal frame; Buffy’s hands were twisting it out of shape.

“Why would...why would the First say that?” Buffy whispered. “Why would it say Faith did that to me?”

“It lies, Buffy,” Angel said. “It tries to screw with our heads, throw us off our game. It tries to separate us, make us doubt each other. Divide and conquer.”

Buffy nodded, and looked down at the floor.

“You wanted to know,” Angel said. “I told you it doesn’t matter. That it was all just another lie.”

Buffy nodded again.

“Actually it’s what clinched it for me,” Angel said. “I knew that would never have happened, so I knew I couldn’t be talking to you. I didn’t know Faith then, but I know you. No one could ever make you a victim.”

Buffy looked at him, and held out her wrists, in the dark.

“No one but you,” she said.

Angel laughed. “She loves you?” he said. “C’mon Faithy, use your head. I know you haven’t had a lot of practice, but give it a try. Do you honestly think Buffy could ever really love you? What do you have to offer? Sure, you’re hot, you’re good in the sack, and I guess that’s what Buffy wants right now during this little experimenting phase she’s in. But once she gets tired of you? She’ll be back with me. Or, maybe? If you get her hooked on girls? She’ll end up with Willow.”

Faith stood there, still as a stone, and watched him, and cried.

“And when the fucking’s over, what exactly do you guys do?” Angel said. “Have you been out anywhere? Have you had a conversation? I bet Buffy must find it really intellectually stimulating, having to always remember not to use any big words when she’s with you.” He chuckled. “Faith, that sweet mouth of yours? It was made for sucking dick, not for scintillating conversation. Wait, right, my bad, used a big word there. ‘Scintillating’ means clever.”

Faith tried to think about Rebecca. About how Rebecca always loved her, and told her she was smart, and brave, and strong...but she couldn’t remember Rebecca now. She couldn’t see her face...everything was dark. She couldn’t look away from Angel’s eyes. They held her...the room was bright, but Faith felt like she was under the sea...drowning in the dark...

“Don’t you get it?” Angel said. “Buffy’s gonna fuck you for awhile, and then when she just can’t deal with actually having to pretend she likes you anymore it’s over. C’mon Faith, look at it from Buffy’s perspective. ‘Perspective’ means point of view, by the way. Try comparing yourself to me. I’ve been places. I’ve done things. I’ve seen the world. I’m smart, I know how to talk, how to act. You? You’ve been nowhere, seen nothing, done nothing. You’re...well...I know this hurts? But you’re dumb. It’s not your fault, you were born dumb. But Buffy’s smart. Being with someone like you is like slumming for her. Sure, she’ll hang in for awhile, because she doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and the one thing you’ve got to offer is a great lay? But eventually Buffy will get bored, and she’ll realize that when you guys aren’t fucking there really isn’t anything there for her. And then she’ll understand that she could never love you, and she’ll leave. Don’t act like this is a big surprise. You always knew you’re not her first choice.”

Another scent came to Faith...strawberries.

“Speak of the devil,” Angel said, and smiled, and turned...

Willow was standing in the hallway.

Tears filled Angel’s eyes.

“Then...you should stop,” Angel said. “You should stop loving me.”

“Can’t,” Buffy said.

She looked up at him.

“There’s a part of me you’re always gonna have, Angel,” she said. “But Faith is my choice. And yeah, Faith and I have hurt each other? We’ve made mistakes and screwed things up and almost lost each other? But...I guess...that’s just what love is. You hurt each other. The people we love are the people who can really hurt us. Loving someone means you give them that, you give them that power. These scars will never go away. Just like I’ll always love you, they’ll always be there.”

She took his hand.

“I’m sorry I...hurt you, at your place,” she said. “I know you didn’t have your soul then. I know you wouldn’t hurt us, Angel.”

“Hey, cutie!” Angel said, and chuckled.

Willow froze.

“What...what do you...want?” Willow whispered.

“I thought we could hang out, maybe reminisce about old times,” Angel said, and smiled. “Your closet or mine?”

Faith ran in front of Willow, and took her hand.

“Get away from her,” Faith said.

Faith wasn’t crying anymore now. She looked right at Angel, a low growl welling up in her throat.

“For a girl who loves to suck dick you sure are a buzzkill,” Angel said, and rolled his eyes, and frowned. “I wasn’t gonna hurt her or anything. I was just gonna give her the fucking of her life, that’s all.”

Angel stepped closer to them.

“Those memories I gave her?” Angel said. “Don’t let her whining fool you. She loved it when I put the wood to her. I rode her better than her limpdick boyfriend ever could. Remember the closet, Willow? Remember how I’d let you out to give you a bath, and then I’d fuck you afterwards?”

Faith felt Willow starting to tremble behind her.

“I said GET AWAY FROM HER!” Faith screamed. “Get away or so help me I’ll fucking KILL YOU RIGHT HERE!”

Angel laughed.

“Think you’re good enough, Faithy?” he said.

Everything seemed to slow down. Faith felt very still, and calm. Her rage boiled inside her, but she set it aside, contained it. She concentrated on her senses, and considered her options.

A Slayer always thinks tactically.

She heard Rebecca’s voice in her head; she heard Rebecca saying the words. She remembered Rebecca’s scent. She remembered her eyes, and her face.

She didn’t feel like she was drowning anymore.

She held Willow’s hand. Willow was shaking less, now, as she leaned against Faith, and Faith gave her strength.

And as Faith gave Willow her strength, Faith felt stronger...

You’re a smart girl.

Faith heard Rebecca saying it. And suddenly, she realized it was the truth, knew for a fact it was the truth. She knew it was the truth because she knew, with absolute certainty, that Rebecca would never have lied to her.

Faith felt calm. She felt centered. She felt strong. She felt smart.

She looked straight at Angel, and didn’t blink.

She considered the situation. She thought things through.

She thought tactically.

And made a decision.

“All that stuff you said,” Faith said. “You were playing me. You’re not Angel. You’re the First.”

Faith turned, and looked at Willow. “No reason to be afraid, auntie,” she said. “First off, I’m here? And no one hurts you while I’m around. Second?”

Faith whirled around and threw her stake straight at Angel’s heart. It went right through him, and stuck in the wall behind him.

“This thing can’t touch us,” Faith said. “Okay, honey?”

Willow nodded, and smiled. But she still held on tight to Faith.

Angel frowned, for a second. But then his wolf’s smile was back in place.

“Wait, hold on a sec, now I’m confused,” Angel said. “I thought you were supposed to be dumb?”

“Nope,” Faith said. “But I can act dumb sometimes. I can get stuck in my own head, not seeing what’s right in front of me. Buffy wouldn’t do that stuff you said. She wouldn’t cheat on me. She wouldn’t say those things about me. She loves me.”

“That’s right, baby,” Buffy said, walking up the stairs with Angel. “I love you. Don’t you ever forget it.”

“Love you too,” Faith said, and smiled.

“Well here’s something you don’t see every day,” Xander said, as he walked into the hallway from Joyce’s bedroom, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and saw two Angels standing next to each other. “Not without a hell of a lot more beer than I’ve had, anyway.” He put his hand on Willow’s shoulder.

Buffy moved beside Faith, and put her arm around her. Angel watched the First.

“Where you been, girlfriend?” Faith said. “I got worried.”

“I was talking to Angel,” Buffy said. “I wanted to know what the First said when it appeared as me.”

“Lies,” Faith said. “Whatever it said? Lies.”

“Yup,” Buffy said, and kissed her cheek. “Um, really gross ones too.”

Buffy, Faith, Willow and Xander stood together, holding each other, giving each other strength. Angel stood apart from them, watching the First. The First smiled back at them all.

“What, no hugs for me?” the First said.

“Why are you here?” Angel said. “What do you want?”

“So this is the First,” Giles said, as he came out of the spare room in his robe and slippers.

“Hey, Giles!” the First said, and smiled. “Jenny says hi.”

Giles moved beside Buffy.

“You wouldn’t know what Jenny says,” Giles said. “You have no part of Jenny. She’s in a place where you can’t touch her.”

“My touching her is what sent her to the place, Jeeves,” the First said.

“Yeah, so this is really fascinating, hanging out with the ultimate evil in the universe and everything?” Xander said. “But since apparently all you can do is talk us to death, I vote we all just go back to bed.”

“Yeah, kind of a drag, how I can’t just wring all your necks?” the First said. “But never underestimate the power of words, Xander. Not everything I say is a lie, remember? Some of it is true. And Angel was right, as usual: I can only manifest as people who have died. But the cool thing is? Once I do, I know everything they know...”

The First looked at Buffy, and smiled...

And suddenly, Angel’s form was gone. The First discarded it like a snake shedding its skin...

...And became Buffy. She was wearing her cheerleader uniform.

“And I know all the things they’ve kept from you,” the First said. “All the things Buffy kept from you. Hey, here’s one: last spring, Angel made Drusilla give Willow her memories. Her memories, of exactly how Angel broke her. Her memories, of Angel locking her in a closet for a hundred-and thirty-one days, and raping her with his big dick. Raping her every single day. I’m not the only one who lies, Xander.”

Willow’s face went pale.

“And, not even kidding Xander?” the First said, and smiled at Xander, and held out her hands, a good distance apart. “Angel’s big. Believe me, I know. I could barely walk the next day when he took my cherry.”

Buffy blushed. She looked away from the First...away from herself. Faith held her closer.

“All those girls he’s been with?” the First said. “Angel knows what he’s doing in bed all right. But hey, y’know, don’t get down on yourself? Like they say, it’s not the size of the bat, it’s how you swing it. Just keep telling yourself that when you think of Angel raping the love of your life every day with his awesome humongous dick.”

“What are you...what are you talking about?” Xander said. “Drusilla... she...what?”

“Xander,” Giles said, and put his hand on Xander’s shoulder. “The First is a liar. Remember that.”

“How about it, Buffy?” the First said. “Am I the one who’s lying here?”

The First looked at all of them, met each of their eyes in turn.

“Angel? Faith? Willow?” the First said, and smiled. “Am I lying?”

“That was...that was Angelus, who did that,” Buffy whispered. “It wasn’t Angel.”

“What?” Giles said, and turned to Buffy.

“Right, my bad,” the First said. “But, y’know, Angel, Angelus...never really saw much difference. Angelus’ big plan to make Willow his new Dru? That all started when he was Angel. It took Angelus to act on the plan, sure. But Angel was interested in Willow from the start. Hey, can’t blame him. She’s a cutie. She’s my strawberry girl.”

“You knew about this?” Xander said, staring at Buffy.

Buffy wouldn’t look at him.

“They all did,” the First said. “Buffy, Faith, Angel...just about everyone was in on it except you.”

Xander turned to Willow. She wouldn’t look at him either.

He lifted her chin, and turned her toward him, and looked into her eyes.

“Willow?” Xander whispered.

Willow’s eyes filled with tears.

“He didn’t just make her read Dru’s memories, Xander,” the First said. “He made her live them, in her mind, as if they all happened to her. As if they were her life. Every sight, every sound, every smell...Willow remembers all of it. Your girlfriend remembers Angel locking her in a closet and raping her every day. She remembers sucking his dick, and licking his balls, and swallowing his cum. She remembers what his cum tastes like. Or hey, you know what? Maybe I’m lying. I’m evil, right? Could be lying. How about it, guys? Who’s the liar here? Did I lie to Xander? Or did you?”

“Xander...we...wanted to tell you, but...” Buffy said, looking down at the floor.

“Oh, I can see this isn’t gonna end well,” the First said, and giggled.

“Willow,” Xander whispered, and caressed her cheek. Xander’s face was turning red, and his hands were shaking. “Is this true? Did he...Angelus...do that to you? Do you remember him...doing that to you? Being in the closet, and... everything else. Do you remember it all as if it happened to you?”

“Yeah,” Willow whispered, and started to cry.

Xander’s face turned even redder; it turned red as an apple. He looked around at everyone; met everyone’s eyes.

Finally, he looked at Angel. Angel looked back. Everyone was quiet.

“You guys,” the First said, and chuckled, breaking the silence. “Like shooting fish in a barrel. See what happens when we lie, Buffy? Faith should probably give your ass another spanking.”

Faith and Buffy both blushed this time. No one said anything.

“Xander,” Buffy said, and took his arm. “I’m...I’m sorry.”

Xander tore himself away from her, and from Willow too. He grabbed Faith’s stake from the wall...

“Xander!” Willow shouted.

...Angel stood perfectly still.

“Xander, NO!” Buffy screamed, and grabbed Xander’s arm again, yanking him backwards as he lunged at Angel...

“GET THE FUCK OFF ME!” Xander shrieked, and wrenched himself free of her, spinning around and elbowing Buffy in the face. Buffy stumbled backwards, tripped over Giles and fell to the floor.

“Ouch,” the First said.

“Buffy!” Faith shouted, and immediately knelt down beside Buffy and took her hand.

Xander plunged his stake toward Angel’s heart...

Angel grabbed Xander’s hand, and stopped him. The stake slipped from Xander’s hand, and dropped to the floor.

Buffy was sprawled on the floor. Faith was helping her up. Giles had fallen against the end table. Willow stood in the middle of the hallway, white as a ghost and trembling all over now, and crying.

Everyone watched Angel. No one said a word. No one moved.

Xander tried to punch Angel in the face with his other hand. Angel grabbed that hand too, moving faster than their eyes could follow.

Xander screamed, and tried to break free of him, but Angel held him still.

“I wish I could let you, Xander,” Angel said, and looked right into Xander’s eyes. “Think it’s easy for me? Think I wanna be here? Think I wanna have to listen to someone else making love to my girl every night? I don’t. But I can’t let you kill me now. The world is in trouble and there are people out there who need saving. When this is done? When I’ve done my part? I’ll stand here and let you stake me if you want. But not until it’s done. You understand?”

Xander spit in his face.

The First bristled at that, but she said nothing.

Angel let Xander go. He didn’t wipe the spit away.

“Big fucking hero,” Xander said.

Xander stood there, shaking a little, and looking at Angel. Angel looked back, standing perfectly still, as Xander’s spit slid down his face, and off his chin. The First looked away, and shook her head.

Xander turned away from Angel, and looked at Buffy, Faith, Giles...and Willow.

“I’m done,” Xander said. “I’m fucking done with this. I’m outta here.”

Buffy sat down on the floor, and cried. Faith sat with her, and held her.

“Xander,” Faith said. “Don’t...don’t do this. Don’t do this to Buffy. Please? She’s your friend, Xander. She needs you right now. I’m your friend too.”

“You and I aren’t shit,” Xander said. “Friends don’t lie to each other. Giles, did you know about this too? Were you in on the big Let’s Make A Fucking Sap Out Of Xander game too?”

“No,” Giles said. “I’m sorry, Xander.”

“Yeah, Giles,” Xander said. “Me too.”

“I told them to lie,” Willow said.

Xander whirled around.

“What?” Xander said. “You?”

Willow took Xander’s hands in hers.

“They wanted to tell you,” Willow said. “Buffy didn’t find out about this until Saturday night, at Angel’s mansion. Faith found out the next day. And they both wanted to tell you. But I told them they had to keep it a secret.” She glanced at Giles. “From you and from Giles,” Willow said. “I just...I just only wanted the girls to know.”

She looked back at Xander. He had tears running down his cheeks now.

She wiped them away.

“So if, y’know, you wanna be all, angry at someone? Be angry at me,” Willow said.

“Can’t ever be angry with you, and yeah, I know I’m bullshitting even as I’m saying it,” Xander said. “So let me rephrase. Okay, yeah, I’m angry with you. But I love you, so I’ll get over it. But I’m leaving, Willow. I’m not doing this anymore. I can’t be a part of this...of putting you in danger anymore.”

“This is...this is why,” Willow said. “I didn’t want you to know because...I knew you’d do this. I knew you’d want us to stop helping.”

“I love you, baby,” Xander said. “Guess it makes me predictable.”

“I like how you’re predictable,” Willow said. “But...Buffy needs us. If we leave...”

“If we leave no fucking monsters will have a chance to lock you in a closet and rape you. Willow, did you ever think that maybe all the badness, all the shit that comes into our lives, might be because of her?” Xander said, and pointed at Buffy, without looking at her.

“Xander,” Faith said. “Come on, man. That’s...that’s not fair.”

Xander looked down at her. Faith was still sitting with Buffy on the floor, holding her in her arms.

“You weren’t here, Faith,” Xander said. “You don’t know what our lives were like before Buffy. You wanna know what our lives were like? Peaceful. I never even saw a vampire before I met Buffy. I lived in Sunnydale sixteen years without anyone ever trying to kill me. Then I met Buffy Summers. Willow grew up here too. No one ever tried to kill her. No one ever screwed with her head and gave her memories of being locked in a fucking closet and raped every day. Then she met Buffy Summers.”

“I thought no one could ever care about me,” Faith said. “Then I met Buffy Summers. And you guys too. Walking away is a mistake, Xander. No matter what you think, I am your friend. And I’m telling you, as a friend, that if you walk away?” She looked over at the First. “You’re playing right into that thing’s hands.”

“Buffy,” Xander said.

Buffy looked up at him.

“I know you didn’t mean this,” Xander said. “I know you never wanted to hurt us...to hurt Willow. But you did. You did hurt us. And hey, you can hurt me all day long? But I can’t let you hurt Willow anymore.”

Buffy nodded, and looked down at the floor again.

“I’m sorry I hit you,” Xander said.

Buffy nodded again.

Xander turned back to Willow.

“I’m packing my stuff, Willow,” Xander said. “You can come with me, or you can stay here. If you stay, we’re through. Yeah, I know, kinda harsh? I’m like, completely making a scene? But I love you. I’ll always love you. And I can’t see you in danger anymore. So you need to decide. Are you coming with me?”

Willow looked at Buffy, and Faith.

“Yeah,” she whispered, so softly she could hardly be heard.

Xander took her hand, and they walked back into Joyce’s bedroom together, without another word.

Xander grabbed his things from the closet, and shoved them into his gym bag. Willow took her things from the bureau, and arranged them neatly in her suitcase. They didn’t talk. They put their shoes and their coats on.

They walked back into the hall together. The First was gone.

Faith, Giles and Angel watched them. Buffy looked down at the floor.

“Goodbye,” Xander said.

Faith stood up, and walked over to them. She started to cry.

“Please don’t go?” she whispered. “Please? You guys are...you guys are my family.”

“Gotta,” Xander said. “But...what I said before...about you not meaning anything to me. I was being a dick. I’m sorry. You mean a lot to me, Faith. I care about you.”

Faith nodded, and hugged him.

“Ow,” Xander said, and giggled, that goofy giggle he had. “Strong Slayer grip.” Faith giggled too.

“How am I...gonna get your D.O.R. now?” Faith whispered.

He wiped her tears away.

“I guess...you’re not,” he said, and pulled away. “I’m sorry.”

Faith stood there, and started to tremble.

Willow hugged her.

“I’ll always be your auntie,” Willow whispered in her ear. “I’ll always love you, Faith. Always. And we’ll see each other again, okay sweetie? We will. I promise.”

“I love you too,” Faith whispered, her voice cracking. And she trembled, and cried, and didn’t let Willow go...

After a moment, Xander said, “We gotta get going.”

Willow gently stepped away from Faith, and looked at Buffy.

Buffy was still sitting on the floor.

Willow walked back to her, and knelt down beside her, and held her hand.

“I’m sorry,” Willow whispered.

Buffy looked up at her.

“He’s right,” Buffy said. “All I ever did was hurt you. All I ever did was... almost get you killed. I’m sorry, Willow.”

“You cared about me. You protected me. That’s what you did,” Willow said. “That’s what you always did, Buffy.”

Willow kissed her cheek.

“We gotta...we gotta go,” Willow said.

Buffy nodded, and looked back down at the floor.

“Where will you be going?” Giles said.

“Don’t know,” Xander said. “Home, I guess. We’ll figure it out.”

“Would you like a ride?” Giles said.

“Yeah,” Xander said. “Thanks, Giles.”

“I just need to collect my things,” Giles said. “I’ll just be a few minutes. I’ll meet you both at the car.”

“Cool,” Xander said.

Willow was still kneeling beside Buffy, and holding her hand.

Xander stood there for a moment, watching them.

Then he took Willow’s hand, and she stood up, and they walked away.

No one said a word, as Willow and Xander walked down the stairs. No one said a word, as they heard the front door open, and close...and then they were gone.

Faith sat on the floor beside Buffy again, and held her.

“I lost them,” Buffy whispered, as her tears fell down her cheeks, and Faith held her tight. “I lost them.”